Donald Trump's Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech:
I'd like to thank the Academy for this award. I'm just wondering why I didn't get the statue. Shouldn't I have gotten a statue? Someone should look into why I didn't get the statue.
Nobody has ever deserved this prize more than me. I should have gotten it handed to me on Day One when I ended the war in Ukraine.
Obama got one, and he was bombing other countries. The last time I looked, bombing other countries is not peace. This Academy should look into that. You'll be looking into that, right?
Do any of you own my crypto? You should buy my crypto. I've also set up a table in the lobby where you can buy my beautiful watches, and shoes, and bibles, and hats, and coins, and perfumes. Perfumes! Made with the best ingredients. The best. You old geezers will be beating off the women with a stick, let me tell you.
You won't find any sharks in the lobby, that I can tell you. I made sure there were no sharks. I don't care what kind of award you are giving me, I'm not coming if there are sharks. That makes me smart. My good friend Bibi nominated me for this. He told me no one has ever asked this question before. That' because of my connection to MIT. Very smart. I said, "I'm not going there! If there are sharks, I'm not going there! Are there going to be sharks?" He said no one had ever asked that question before.
An old-fashioned term that we use, peace. It’s like an old-fashioned word, but really it’s not. And people understand it. Peace. It says a treaty with different things in it. Like almost — you know, who uses the word? I started using the word — the peace.
If I had been around when the Declaration of Independence was signed to end the Civil War I would have told them the Civil War would not have happened if I was president. For that, I deserve this prize.
I'm going to dance now to the gay anthem of my country, America which is great again. If it looks like I'm masturbating two penises into my face, don't make anything of it, okay?