Bar of the Olden Tyme

Fed Starving

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Bar of the Olden Tyme

I was sore on a wednesday with the next three days off. My girlfriend was waiting at our apartment. I was going to take her out.

Hurrying myself along I didn't stop anywhere and found her impatiently waiting and getting ready. We didn't make any kids yet and I wasn't so keen on having one before I owned a house. I was probably going to get her pregnant before then but I tell myself each and every day, not now, now isn't the time.

She squeezed herself into a cherry red mini-skirt and a soft skin tight top, got her makeup on and took some time deciding what shoes she wanted to wear. I swear sometimes she spends more time getting ready than we spend being out.

We piled into my car, a two seater. I restored the thing all myself and got the classic car vanity plate as a sort of reward for my hard work. The next car we get is going to be hers and she don't want anything special except it has to be new. Whatever. I guess it would look sort of funny if we were both driving around classic restored cars. That's my fantasy. She doesn't have to like it.

I started the engine and hit the accelerator deep. The damn thing roared like a lion. Impressive.

Kae is my girlfriend's name in case I didn't already tell you.

So Kae says with a fake wine, "Alvin, where are we going? I told you that I didn't want to go to the rock bar this time. We should go somewhere none of your friends are going to be. If we go to the rock bar I will end up sitting there all alone talking to some girl I don't know while you run around playing pool and darts with your friends and then go disappear like you always do for an hour. This time I want it to be you and me and that is all."

"Okay Kae." I said, "Whatever you want. Don't tell me I drank too much. You can be the designated driver. I'm getting plastered."

Kae said, "Alvin, did you make a wrong turn? I don't recognize this area."

"Kae, same route to the bridge as usual." I said.

Kae said, "Look how old the houses are. Looks like they were built in the 1800s."

I said, "You're right about that. Hey look, see that bar? We should check that bar out. Even got a horse tied up, see that?"

"Hmm. Okay." Kae said.

I parked the car in the dirt lot and opened the door for Kae. She looked too hot for clothing. Man, I can't believe how fortunate I am to have her. I don't know what I would do without her. In fact, I think I'm addicted to her.

We looked at the sign outside the bar and it said, "Our Brewery of the Now Tyme"

I said, "Funny name for a bar, isn't it?" Kae shook her head in agreement.

Inside the bar was as olden time as it appeared on the outside. No electricity. Everything was lit up with lanterns. I swear these folks went the extra mile to make this thing seem authentic. Fancy everything. Top notch craftsmanship. Probably the best bar I ever walked into. Happy to find the place.

Kae and I sat at the bar and I ordered us some drinks. She went on about her sister and her parents and her day. I swear she can talk forever. I listened and talked some but not much. We got ourselves a buzz going and I took her for a dance to this olden time piano machine that played tunes on its own. We were really getting into it when some weirdo made a scene.

Wearing a funny vest with a bow tie and olden time trousers with a goofy accent there's no telling where this nut was from. He carried with him this tablet but he was like really impressed with it. I mean it was all he could talk about. And talk about it loudly he did. He went over to the bar where some lone sap was wallowing in a bottle of scotch. The lone man turned in his empty bottle and said, "Victor, tankard of beer thank you."

The weirdo sat next to him with his tablet and said, "What I hold in my hand is no ordinary picture. There contained inside this picture is a secret of great value." He turned the tablet around in his hand, driving his fingernails along the seam on the edge. Holding the tablet up to the light of the lantern above their heads you can see there was a picture of him on the screen.

The tankard man said, "Yes, I can see that your picture is sealed well, but what of your claim that it contains a secret?"

At that time Kae and I had quit dancing and I directed her to follow me to our table. We returned to our drinking routine and watched the scene out of the twilight zone before us.

The bow tie weirdo said, "You see, this here picture has a power all it's own that depends upon one thing to make the miracle of the myth within to work. That thing is that I must pass this miracle picture on to someone else. Don't get me wrong, I'd witnessed the power of the secret several times before accepting the picture for my own good. I was with a troupe of friends who were explorers. They uncovered this item in a crumbling barn somewhere down the road here. Inside a rusted chest along with this miracle picture was a note made of thin paper that disintegrated if you touched it. The note was recovered before they attempted to remove the note but there was no luck saving it, the paper was too frail and brittle, becoming instant dust."

Tankard man said to bow tie man with a half smirk, not really believing his tale, "And what was written on your so claimed miracle note?" He finished off his tankard with a gulp and then ordered a second one.

Bow tie weirdo said, "A riddling rhyme was written upon it and went like this."

"One full day of this can sure be death
Pass on the picture when it has changed
Great fortune reserved once you have left
The picture in the hands of whom is displayed."

"So you see!" Bow tie weirdo exclaimed, turning the picture over to show the tankard man. "The picture has changed! The picture is of you!"

Tankard man said, "That was phenomenal! I don't know what to say!" He laughed in amazement, "You know, you are quite the character. Never in my life had I seen such a stunning trick."

Kae and I sat there speechless. We couldn't believe what we were seeing. I thought that we were in some sort of special bar for the mentally challenged.

Bow tie said, "Now that you believe me and I shared the rhyme and you can see right here your own image has replaced mine own, I must implore of you to take this miracle picture out of my hands and allow me to win my reward of promised good fortune. What say you?"

Tankard man said, "Agreed!" and then forcefully shook bow tie weirdo's hand. He said the the bartender, "Victor! Pour this man a scotch on me."

Kae said loudly, "Excuse me! Excuse me, sir."

All three of them at the bar turned to face her.

Kae said, "That picture you got there is a tablet, don't you know?"
 

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