Ask Joe (a new advice column just for USMB members)

[Pogo]

Dear Joe,

If I were to drive my Cadillac at the speed of light, would my headlights be visible to the 100,000 year old man on Pluto that Shirley McClain channels?

Dear Joe, two questions:

If I were to drive my Yugo just beyond the speed of light, (a) could I see myself in my rear view mirror? And (2), how much of a tip should I give my mechanic?

 

[Derideo_Te]

Dear Joe,

If I were to drive my Cadillac at the speed of light, would my headlights be visible to the 100,000 year old man on Pluto that Shirley McClain channels?

Dear Joe, two questions:

If I were to drive my Yugo just beyond the speed of light, (a) could I see myself in my rear view mirror? And (2), how much of a tip should I give my mechanic?

Dear Joe

How many points will Pogo end up with on his driving licences for exceeding the speed of light limit?

 

[Pogo]

Dear Joe,

If I were to drive my Cadillac at the speed of light, would my headlights be visible to the 100,000 year old man on Pluto that Shirley McClain channels?

Dear Joe, two questions:

If I were to drive my Yugo just beyond the speed of light, (a) could I see myself in my rear view mirror? And (2), how much of a tip should I give my mechanic?

Dear Joe

How many points will Pogo end up with on his driving licences for exceeding the speed of light limit?

Dear Joe:

If I'm going beyond the speed of light, is the speed limit sign even visible?

And if I text while driving at that speed, will I get a response yesterday?

 

[Pogo]

Dear Joe: easy one...

Derideo_Te claims "The font of all knowledge". If this is true, who has the knowledge of all fonts?

 

[Vandalshandle]

Dear Joe: easy one...

Derideo_Te claims "The font of all knowledge". If this is true, who has the knowledge of all fonts?

I can answer that. Microsoft owns all fonts, and you and I owe them 10 cents each just for these two messages.

 

[Statistikhengst]

Dear Joe,

If a gigabyte eats a megabyte for lunch, who eats the gigabyte for dinner?

Curious for knowledge in Köln,

-Stat

 

[Pop23]

Dear Joe,

If a gigabyte eats a megabyte for lunch, who eats the gigabyte for dinner?

Curious for knowledge in Köln,

-Stat

Annnnnndddddd

How much does one tip for such a meal?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe

Do you 'ave a leesonse for your minkie?

signed
Pink in Paris

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93ZDOcU2TL4

The Monkey needs to convince the monkey to pay the license bribe so that the two of them can earn enough money on the street to buy a nice suit for the Monkey, so the monkey can start booking the two of them for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

It's a weird team where the Monkey is the entertainer and the monkey is the business brains, but there you have it.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If I were to drive my Cadillac at the speed of light, would my headlights be visible to the 100,000 year old man on Pluto that Shirley McClain channels?

Probably not.... at his age, he sleeps a LOT, and even he can't detect compressed light waves through closed eyelids.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If I were to drive my Cadillac at the speed of light, would my headlights be visible to the 100,000 year old man on Pluto that Shirley McClain channels?

Dear Joe, two questions:

If I were to drive my Yugo just beyond the speed of light, (a) could I see myself in my rear view mirror? And (2), how much of a tip should I give my mechanic?

​

A Yugo at the speed of light! Good one!

If you have a mechanic that can get your Yugo over 186, 282 mps, give him whatever he wants.... and yes, you'll see yourself in the rear-view, but it will be yesterday's image staring back at you.

Kind of creepy, if you ask me ​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If I were to drive my Cadillac at the speed of light, would my headlights be visible to the 100,000 year old man on Pluto that Shirley McClain channels?

Dear Joe, two questions:

If I were to drive my Yugo just beyond the speed of light, (a) could I see myself in my rear view mirror? And (2), how much of a tip should I give my mechanic?

Dear Joe

How many points will Pogo end up with on his driving licences for exceeding the speed of light limit?

None, Ass-U-Me-ing he's smart enough to start in Montana on a clear-weather day.

 

[Esmeralda]

Dear Joe,

A serious elemental question: Chicken or fish?

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe, two questions:

If I were to drive my Yugo just beyond the speed of light, (a) could I see myself in my rear view mirror? And (2), how much of a tip should I give my mechanic?

Dear Joe

How many points will Pogo end up with on his driving licences for exceeding the speed of light limit?

Dear Joe:

If I'm going beyond the speed of light, is the speed limit sign even visible?

And if I text while driving at that speed, will I get a response yesterday?

Visibility of infrastructure signage is a function of the organization or government responsible for building and maintaining said infrastructure. If The People want quality infrastructure, The People must be willing to invest in it.

No. You'll get the response timely, but it will be yesterday's news, probably about the crash you caused by texting while driving.

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe: easy one...

Derideo_Te claims "The font of all knowledge". If this is true, who has the knowledge of all fonts?

Microsoft, then Apple, then Microsoft and then back to Apple.

It's a competitive environment out there in the world of fonts.​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe: easy one...

Derideo_Te claims "The font of all knowledge". If this is true, who has the knowledge of all fonts?

I can answer that. Microsoft owns all fonts, and you and I owe then 10 cents each just for these two messages.

Fret not about that obligation, Brothers... I've pulled some strings that were hanging from my Windows and gotten us all a waiver in this thread because what we're doing is "educational in nature".

​

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If a gigabyte eats a megabyte for lunch, who eats the gigabyte for dinner?

Curious for knowledge in Köln,

-Stat

Nobody, I hope!

Those things taste nasty no matter how they're cooked. ​

Or so I've heard.....

 

[AVG-JOE]

Dear Joe,

If a gigabyte eats a megabyte for lunch, who eats the gigabyte for dinner?

Curious for knowledge in Köln,

-Stat

Annnnnndddddd

How much does one tip for such a meal?

Same as always, Pop - 0% to 25% depending on the serving wench's attitude and how slutty she dresses.

 

[Statistikhengst]

 

[Vandalshandle]

Dear Joe,

What can my country do for me?

Or, am I allowed to ask that question?

Stuck in Camalot

 

[Statistikhengst]

Dear Joe,

If a gigabyte eats a megabyte for lunch, who eats the gigabyte for dinner?

Curious for knowledge in Köln,

-Stat

Nobody, I hope!

Those things taste nasty no matter how they're cooked. ​

Or so I've heard.....

Oh, just byte it!