A question for parents

[-Cp]

As a Christian parent, do you support your teens dating or courting?

To me, dating prepares them for the ideaology of divorce...

 

[freeandfun1]

As a Christian parent, do you support your teens dating or courting?

To me, dating prepares them for the ideaology of divorce...

I think dating is something that is for older children (they will always be your child, even when they are 50!). Perhaps once they get to college. Sure, I can see taking a "date" to the Prom or Homecoming or some other school type dance, but I do not think that allowing kids to date on Friday nights, etc. is good. Mainly because, as you say, it fosters the ideaology of divorce but also because it leads to temptations that they are too young to understand, much less handle.

My nephew lives with us and we don't allow him to "date". He can go to the movies with a group of friends and we do let him spend time with a girl he "likes" but only when an adult is present. The last thing he needs is to knock up some girl. He has too good of a life ahead of him and I do not want him to make the same mistakes I did in life. We are supposed to learn from our mistakes right? Well, I have learned and I will make sure he doesn't have the opportunity to repeat the ones I made!

 

[dmp]

To me, dating prepares them for the ideaology of divorce...

...just as 'feeding' them would prepare them for the ideology of 'starving to death', right?



Dating isn't a problem...it's a tool to help people find a suitable mate. Our ideas of what constitutes a 'marriage' are probably more to blame for the ideology of divorce, than 'dating'.

 

[freeandfun1]

A 15, 16, 17 year old doesn't need to be thinking about finding a mate.

 

[dmp]

A 15, 16, 17 year old doesn't need to be thinking about finding a mate.

Sure they do. Kids 'need' guidance on what they want/need. We train them to drive a car at 16 - 6 months for a lifetime of driving. I plan to help my kids about marriage, and what it means to be a 'spouse' to somebody, from an early age.

 

[freeandfun1]

Sure they do. Kids 'need' guidance on what they want/need. We train them to drive a car at 16 - 6 months for a lifetime of driving. I plan to help my kids about marriage, and what it means to be a 'spouse' to somebody, from an early age.

WOW... are you discounting your role in setting the example as what to look for ? I don't think dating is healthy at a young age. It distracts them from what they need to be focused on - school, building friendships and learning responsibility. I guess it really depends on what one's definition is of dating. Again, in my opinion, 15, 16 and 17 year olds do NOT need to be worried about finding a mate. They might need to start thinking about what they would like in a mate or what interests them in a mate, but looking for a mate? Hell, most kids don't even start thinking about what college they want to go to until they are a senior. Why should they start worrying about whom they are going to marry at 16?

 

[dmp]

WOW... are you discounting your role in setting the example as what to look for ? I don't think dating is healthy at a young age. It distracts them from what they need to be focused on - school, building friendships and learning responsibility. I guess it really depends on what one's definition is of dating. Again, in my opinion, 15, 16 and 17 year olds do NOT need to be worried about finding a mate. They might need to start thinking about what they would like in a mate or what interests them in a mate, but looking for a mate? Hell, most kids don't even start thinking about what college they want to go to until they are a senior. Why should they start worrying about whom they are going to marry at 16?

My 1st wife got engaged at 17, married at 18.

(shrug). In the event they decide to run-off with their true love, and leave the suds in the bucket, so to speak, I hope I will have prepared them as much as I can.

 

[Said1]

To me, dating prepares them for the ideaology of divorce...

I don't understand what you mean by that.

I think I would have picked an asshole regardless of the age I was when I met him (16).

 

[dilloduck]

I don't understand what you mean by that.

I think I would have picked an asshole regardless of the age I was when I met him (16).

damn--that sorta messes up that crush you have on me :halo:

 

[freeandfun1]

My 1st wife got engaged at 17, married at 18.

(shrug). In the event they decide to run-off with their true love, and leave the suds in the bucket, so to speak, I hope I will have prepared them as much as I can.

I guess I look at this through a different prism.

I dated at 15. Got a girl pregnant at 16 and married at 16. True love is very rare at such an early age. Many get married or run off thinking they have found true love, but then later wonder what it is like to be with a different person, etc. All I am saying is why do we insist on making our kids grow up so young?

I know lots of guys that got married in the Army at 18 but that is a bit different. They are living in the real world and whether they like it or not, once they join they are made into an adult if they are not already mature enough to be considere one. Sure, many still come outta basic pretty immature but if we really think what they were like when they first got there we will see how much they have grown.

I just guess they have lots of time... why rush it?

 

[Merlin]

I think all kids should be abe to date.........when they reach 35.

 

[dmp]

I guess I look at this through a different prism.

I dated at 15. Got a girl pregnant at 16 and married at 16. True love is very rare at such an early age. Many get married or run off thinking they have found true love, but then later wonder what it is like to be with a different person, etc. All I am saying is why do we insist on making our kids grow up so young?

I know lots of guys that got married in the Army at 18 but that is a bit different. They are living in the real world and whether they like it or not, once they join they are made into an adult if they are not already mature enough to be considere one. Sure, many still come outta basic pretty immature but if we really think what they were like when they first got there we will see how much they have grown.

I just guess they have lots of time... why rush it?

The $40K question, however, is:

"Would I suggest my daughter copy her mom's actions?"

Not just 'no'...but HELL No!

 

[Said1]

I just guess they have lots of time... why rush it?

I don't think dating at a reasonable age is rushing it. Not all dates are going to lead to pre-marital sex and pregnancy. I don't think forbidding my daughter from dating is not going to ensure she won't go out with boys either. I hope I can help her as much as I can, but I have a feeling forbidding it altogether will backfire.

 

[freeandfun1]

I don't think dating at a reasonable age is rushing it. Not all dates are going to lead to pre-marital sex and pregnancy. I don't think forbidding my daughter from dating is not going to ensure she won't go out with boys either. I hope I can help her as much as I can, but I have a feeling forbidding it altogether will backfire.

Like I said, I guess it all depends on what the definition of dating is...

 

[Bonnie]

As a Christian parent, do you support your teens dating or courting?

To me, dating prepares them for the ideaology of divorce...

So is that a good thing?

 

[Mr. P]

My 1st wife got engaged at 17, married at 18.

(shrug). In the event they decide to run-off with their true love, and leave the suds in the bucket, so to speak, I hope I will have prepared them as much as I can.

Me too D..and the truth is, if they are going to run-off there is NOTHING we can do about it..sad but true..

 

[Bonnie]

WOW... are you discounting your role in setting the example as what to look for ? I don't think dating is healthy at a young age. It distracts them from what they need to be focused on - school, building friendships and learning responsibility. I guess it really depends on what one's definition is of dating. Again, in my opinion, 15, 16 and 17 year olds do NOT need to be worried about finding a mate. They might need to start thinking about what they would like in a mate or what interests them in a mate, but looking for a mate? Hell, most kids don't even start thinking about what college they want to go to until they are a senior. Why should they start worrying about whom they are going to marry at 16?

Not being a parent but a step mom for a while couldn't it depend on the maturity of the teen? Some kids in their teens have their whole futures mapped out and are on course while others take longer to find themselves. maybe not at 14 or 15 but maybe by 16 or 17 it would be beneficial to interact with members of the opposite sex under controlled circumstances such as group dates or groups of friends?? So long as you know who they are with and set reasonable curfews JMO

 

[-Cp]

...just as 'feeding' them would prepare them for the ideology of 'starving to death', right?



Dating isn't a problem...it's a tool to help people find a suitable mate. Our ideas of what constitutes a 'marriage' are probably more to blame for the ideology of divorce, than 'dating'.

Dating is a problem - at least the way it's practiced nowadays...

i.e. "Going steady" with someone - would be better for kids to "go on dates" but with lots of diff folks.... that "going steady" stuff just mentally prepares them to think "Gee, if it gets though, I'll just dump em' and run out and get someone else"...

I like the concept of courting much more.. .

Courting is young adults seeking each other under their parents' supervision for the purpose of finding a spouse in the will of God.

 

[-Cp]

So is that a good thing?

Umm.. no.. it's not.. that's my point...

 

[-Cp]

This guy has some good passages on the problems with "dating"...

Sex is serious. The Bible says, "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (1 Cor 6:18, ASV). We are not to play near fornication, but flee it. Let’s face it: dating as it is practiced today, does not agree with this scripture. When people date, they are not fleeing fornication; instead they are flirting with it. They are seeing how close they can get to sex without actually doing it. That’s not fleeing.

The scriptures also says, "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute (fornicator) is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘"The two will become one flesh’ (1 Cor 6:16)." Fornication is similar to the act of marriage. When you fornicate you are acting as though you are married. You are one flesh during sex.

"But I’m not married." I know. That is what makes sex before marriage so serious. One flesh union should be reserved for a husband and a wife, not your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Modern dating has taken something very serious that God has made and turning it into a game. You’ve seen the Dating Game, and that sums up dating: it has become a game. Dating has become a recreational activity. Yet, God says it is serious. Sex is not like playing sports or games. It is not meant to entertain you. It is meant by God to draw together two people who are in love and who have committed to spend the rest of their lives together.

Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. (Philippians 1:9-10 The Message Bible)

Real love is not sentimental gush. I know guys will say anything to get sex from their girlfriends. They will even use the famous "I love you" line to get what they want. But real love is sincere. Does the guy really love her? Is he ready to take responsibility for a child that they might conceive? Love must be sincere. Love is not selfish. If a person really loves someone, then he will make sure not to do anything, which might hurt her.

Love is intelligent. I know we usually do not associate love with intelligence. Hollywood makes love emotional. But God makes love intelligent. Okay, so you feel something for this guy, but use your head, not your libido.

Courtship places intelligence as a premium to a relationship, but dating places emotions as the prime indicator of a relationship. Courtship understands real love.

Dating is basically selfish. Does love motivate the guy who sleeps with his girlfriend when it will scar her emotionally and damage her relationship with God? Does love motivate the girl who leads a guy along then breaks up with him when she finds someone better?

Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: glorifying God and serving others.

http://www.tbm.org/dating_verses_courting.htm