11 days since Greta died...

[Gracie]

Gracie was first in this pack. She will be waiting for Karma, Moki and Pretties. And eventually me and hubby. Meanwhile, I know she is busy with the others I have had she never met, but are also part of the whole pack.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Jackson, she appeared to you because she does love you. That's why she "visited" you...she loves you. Some things go without saying, you know?

 

[Gracie]

After ChooChoo died...FatCat went soon after. I told FatCat to go to Chooch. Charlie was the last of the pack...and when he died, I told him to go to Chooch and Fatty. They all died within 6 months of Chooch dying. Mostly from grief, I think. As well as cancer setting in. That is not a long time between losing ALL of them. It just about killed me, whispering those words in their ears as they slipped away.

When Gracie died...I had nobody she knew from before. So I told her to Go To God. And she did. She will be there to greet this pack. And finally, me and daddy. We will not be getting any more dogs. Or cats.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I'm at work. And it seems like it's just getting worse. I feel so full of despair.

Does it get worse sometimes before it gets better? I mean if this is what life is going to be like from now on, I'm not particularly interested. Nothing but problems, nothing but setbacks...and I could handle all that when I had Greta. Like I said, she was the light of my life. All this misery was tolerable when I had her. Without her...not so much.

 

[Gracie]

Yes, it gets bad but then it gets better. Karma and moki and the cat have been playing like crazy the past few days. Last night it was like a bunch of toddlers on caffiene running around. Lots of laughs. They forgot her. Finally. I haven't, but they have. And that is just fine with me.

 

[Mojo2]

I'm at work. And it seems like it's just getting worse. I feel so full of despair.

Does it get worse sometimes before it gets better? I mean if this is what life is going to be like from now on, I'm not particularly interested. Nothing but problems, nothing but setbacks...and I could handle all that when I had Greta. Like I said, she was the light of my life. All this misery was tolerable when I had her. Without her...not so much.

I'm sure if someone Googled it they might find there exists a scientific pattern to this kind of grief and whether it gets better with time or worse or what.

Incidentally, I heard this and thought of you. The lyrics are really interesting.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78mtN6E0qdY]Gordon Lightfoot - Rainy Day People - YouTube[/ame]

I hope you have some rainy day people in your real life.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I've read quite a bit about grief, lately, Mojo2, and there are patterns but not everyone is necessarily the same. And some people do get stuck in it. Some people enter into depression and don't come back out. That's what I'm afraid of.

I don't have enough Rainy Day People in my life. Not that are close enough to help me. My dog Greta was my main Rainy Day Person. And she's gone. Just like that. My dog Hannah is probably more help to me than any people I know. Except for people on this forum who are much more helpful than the people in my "real life."

Day 19 After Greta. My heart is broken.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Oh, and my boss, who understands what it is to love a dog, says maybe I should go get some professional help with this.

Yeah, right. $$$$$$ My health insurance deductible is $4000 and that means I'll end up paying out of pocket for any grief counseling I seek out. And my financial situation is going into real disaster mode, so i can't do that.

People always say that, like it's so easy to do...go get help. Yeah, right, that works great if you have plenty of money.

 

[strollingbones]

There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery. dante

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I wasn't sure where to put this..."Religion" didn't seem quite right, and there is no section for "spirituality," so since it's really all about the loss of my beloved Greta, I decided to put it here.

In my search for some sort of understanding and comfort due to the recent death of my beautiful dog, I am reading a book called "There's More to Life Than This: Healing Messages, Remarkable Stories and Insight About the Other Side," by Theresa Caputo. Yeah, I know some people say she's a fraud and all that, but I like to make up my own mind.

Anyway, in the book she talks about "signs" that we get from the spirit world that we often consider coincidence, or just dismiss. She ...also talks about why souls don't remain on the other side, but come back to live in this world again and again. She says it's because our souls want to learn and grow, the more they do the closer they are to God. She says that souls grow much faster here because we must endure negativity, pain, sorrow and loss. On the Other Side, our soul can grow and learn, but not nearly as fast because it's mostly rainbows and Skittles over there.

Anyway, I just read that last night, about 12:30 a.m. and found it significant enought to bookmark on my Kindle. Today I stopped by the desk of a coworker, looking for a document, and then just stood there looking at him. "Wow," I said, "I don't have anything to say. Pretty for unusual for me, huh?" I'm usually very chatty, but I've been so sad since losing Greta...

"Yeah, that is pretty unusual," He replied. "Here...would you like a Skittle?"

Okay, I'm taking that as a sign.

 

[Katzndogz]

Maybe there is something here that can help.

Pet Loss & Bereavement - Pet Partners

There are a couple of hotlines that you can call too.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I am a member of a Doberman forum. They were comforting about Greta dying of DCM, assuring me that this was inevitable, I did the right thing, etc. But they sure are assholes about everything else. So opinionated, their way or the highway, bite your head off if you dare disagree with them, that sort of thing.

A new person on there got a doberman puppy, he's 10 weeks old and he growled and snapped at their teenage daughter. Now mind you, this pup just had his ears cropped a week ago, so they're all taped up and probably itchy as hell, and she was trying to put some collar on him. The people on the forum are saying get rid of him, give him back to the no good back yard breeder you got him from, his temperament is flawed, you'll always have to worry about him, etc. etc.

He's a freaking 10-week old pup, and there was only the one incident. They need to work with him for crying out loud! Greta used to guard toys, or steal shoes and then growl at me when I'd try to take them away. I guess according to these people I should have gotten rid of her, and yet she was the light of my life. I never expected her to be perfect, to not have a bad day or a grouchy moment. She was much too complex, so very intelligent. That's why I loved (love) her so much.

I feel so sorry for that pup, I wish they were located here, I'd take that pup in. Help me to heal my broken heart.

 

[Gracie]

Koosh..been thinking about you. How are you doing, honey?

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Koosh..been thinking about you. How are you doing, honey?

Okay, I guess, Gracie. Life is so bleak without my Greta.

Now I'm agonizing over her last hours. I TRUSTED those fuckers at that clinic to take her back there and take care of her. I sat out in the waiting room for two hours, patiently, like a nincompoop! I should have been demanding to see my dog, what's going on with my dog, how's she doing!!!!???? But, nooooo....I just sat out there patiently waiting until they called me back...

To show me how bad she was doing. I had expressed concern to those fuckers because she hadn't peed and I had given her the diuretic Lasix before I brought her in. And they gave her more Lasix intravneously to try to get the fluids out of her. And when I went back to see her, the vet says, oh, she finally did pee. And she had peed on the floor, not in the kennel they'd had her in, but out on the floor. So I think she was holding it and holding it and fucking holding it for two hours and when they realized she was going downhill they brought her out of the kennel and she couldn't hold it anymore and she peed on the floor! She tried not to, she was a good dog even while dying, and they could have come and got me and I would have taken her outside to pee a couple times.

But noooo. I just sat out there in the lobby and let her down. I wasn't there for her.

And then it all happened so fast...I felt like I was rushed into the decision to put her to sleep. I should have been screaming, DO SOMETHING!!! GIVE HER MORE LASIX!!! FUCKING SAVE THIS DOG, SHE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DOG WHO EVER WALKED THE EARTH!!!! IF YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO DO GET ON THE PHONE AND CALL A VET WHO DOES KNOW WHAT TO DO!

But, no...I was useless.

Maybe I'm not doing so good. I bet you're sorry you asked.

I just want a chance to go back and do it over. Another chance to save her, that's all.

 

[syrenn]

((((hugs)))

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I am thankful to be able to vent like this here. I am so tired of plodding along, pretending to be fine, when I am not fine. I want my dog back. I think she's more than that. I think she's the most important "being" in my existence. Soulmate, I guess you'd say.

I hope any of the crap about afterlife and being reuinited with ones we love is true. That's my only solace, the slight chance that any of that is true. If I knew for sure that wasn't true I'd probably just go ahead and check out now. Because everything would be so meaningless.

But there's that chance...that slight chance that maybe there is some meaning to all this bullshit.

"They" need to send her back. I wasn't ready to be separated from her yet.

I know, I sound like I'm crazy.

 

[syrenn]

I am thankful to be able to vent like this here. I am so tired of plodding along, pretending to be fine, when I am not fine. I want my dog back. I think she's more than that. I think she's the most important "being" in my existence. Soulmate, I guess you'd say.

I hope any of the crap about afterlife and being reuinited with ones we love is true. That's my only solace, the slight chance that any of that is true. If I knew for sure that wasn't true I'd probably just go ahead and check out now. Because everything would be so meaningless.

But there's that chance...that slight chance that maybe there is some meaning to all this bullshit.

"They" need to send her back. I wasn't ready to be separated from her yet.

I know, I sound like I'm crazy.

I understand the grief you feel Koosh. The love you feel is real. The loss and greif you feel is real.

There is nothing worse when you have to smile and cover how you are really feeling..... It somehow makes it all that much harder to deal with.

oh how i am wishing for and after life where i get to see all of my babies again. No checking out Koosh. You hear me..... NO checking out. Vent and rant.... spill it all....... but NO checking out.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I am thankful to be able to vent like this here. I am so tired of plodding along, pretending to be fine, when I am not fine. I want my dog back. I think she's more than that. I think she's the most important "being" in my existence. Soulmate, I guess you'd say.

I hope any of the crap about afterlife and being reuinited with ones we love is true. That's my only solace, the slight chance that any of that is true. If I knew for sure that wasn't true I'd probably just go ahead and check out now. Because everything would be so meaningless.

But there's that chance...that slight chance that maybe there is some meaning to all this bullshit.

"They" need to send her back. I wasn't ready to be separated from her yet.

I know, I sound like I'm crazy.

I understand the grief you feel Koosh. The love you feel is real. The loss and greif you feel is real.

There is nothing worse when you have to smile and cover how you are really feeling..... It somehow makes it all that much harder to deal with.

oh how i am wishing for and after life where i get to see all of my babies again. No checking out Koosh. You hear me..... NO checking out. Vent and rant.... spill it all....... but NO checking out.

I know, I know. Luckily I have Hannah, my other doberman, Greta's half-sister...and she needs me. I have to take care of sweet Hannah, she is sensitive. I also have three other dogs and six cats. They all need me.

 

[syrenn]

I am thankful to be able to vent like this here. I am so tired of plodding along, pretending to be fine, when I am not fine. I want my dog back. I think she's more than that. I think she's the most important "being" in my existence. Soulmate, I guess you'd say.

I hope any of the crap about afterlife and being reuinited with ones we love is true. That's my only solace, the slight chance that any of that is true. If I knew for sure that wasn't true I'd probably just go ahead and check out now. Because everything would be so meaningless.

But there's that chance...that slight chance that maybe there is some meaning to all this bullshit.

"They" need to send her back. I wasn't ready to be separated from her yet.

I know, I sound like I'm crazy.

I understand the grief you feel Koosh. The love you feel is real. The loss and greif you feel is real.

There is nothing worse when you have to smile and cover how you are really feeling..... It somehow makes it all that much harder to deal with.

oh how i am wishing for and after life where i get to see all of my babies again. No checking out Koosh. You hear me..... NO checking out. Vent and rant.... spill it all....... but NO checking out.

I know, I know. Luckily I have Hannah, my other doberman, Greta's half-sister...and she needs me. I have to take care of sweet Hannah, she is sensitive. I also have three other dogs and six cats. They all need me.

... yes, they need you. I know you love them too.....

 

[Gracie]

I hope any of the crap about afterlife and being reuinited with ones we love is true. That's my only solace, the slight chance that any of that is true.

Yes. It is true. All animals, being that breath, have hearts..also have souls. They go to that magical place, hon. And so will we. Don't let ANYONE tell you different. You will see her again.