YoVille Toilet Confessions

[LadyGunSlinger]

So my friends and I use to hang out on Yoville quite a bit.. we did the night party thing with Toilet Confessions.. it was a riot to say the least.. We bought this gold toilet (Super expensive toilet on the "Ville") and set up mad chairs all over our super cool castle then posted it.. OMG.. so many people came.. the stories people told on that toilet were so damn funny, I nearly pee'd myself a few times laughing so damn hard.. So anyhow.. I am going to start the USMB Toilet Bowl Confessional tonight..

-This is not for politics, for insults.. it's strictly for fun and if you don't have a seriously warped and fucked up sense of humor- you may want to exit.

Ok, I'll start out.. would be funnier with the visual of sitting on a toilet but none the less here it goes..

One of the first dates I ever went on- this guy takes me to Pizza Hut- we were all meeting there after a game.. I was totally nervous- had wanted to date him for like a few years but never had the courage to ask .. I just did the lame flirt thing.. Anyhow, everyone is piling in after the game and we're laughing, sharing some good talk when I go to drink my soda and the straw went up my nose.. that wasn't the worst freaking part tho.. It had pepsi in it and I snorted it up my nose, ended up choking and hacking like a 50 year old smoker on oxygen.. fuckin snot was coming out of my nose.. LMFAO.. It was soo messed up.. and this freaking guy.. he's fucking laughing at me and not even trying to act like he was concerned.. Man, total messed up date .. Never went out with that prick again either!

 

[Bloodrock44]

My first tour in Germany I was dating this fraulein who had Syrenn type boobies. I'll admit it I'm a boob guy. Anyway, her birthday is coming up and I ask what she wanted. She just wanted some red roses. So it's Friday night, I stop and get a dozen. I leave the shop and the town is crowded. Every 20 feet people are stopping me and shaking my hand. Jabbering away in German. I didn't speak German so I was wondering what the hell was going on. I ran into one of my friends. He said "So you're going to pop the question huh?" I said what in the world are you talking about? He said you give a German girl red roses and it's like a marriage proposal. I shoved the roses in his hand and told him to give them to his wife. I'm just in this for the...uh...boobies. Went and bought a box of chocolates.

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

My first tour in Germany I was dating this fraulein who had Syrenn type boobies. I'll admit it I'm a boob guy. Anyway, her birthday is coming up and I ask what she wanted. She just wanted some red roses. So it's Friday night, I stop and get a dozen. I leave the shop and the town is crowded. Every 20 feet people are stopping me and shaking my hand. Jabbering away in German. I didn't speak German so I was wondering what the hell was going on. I ran into one of my friends. He said "So you're going to pop the question huh?" I said what in the world are you talking about? He said you give a German girl red roses and it's like a marriage proposal. I shoved the roses in his hand and told him to give them to his wife. I'm just in this for the...uh...boobies. Went and bought a box of chocolates.

Teehee!!!! LOL They should make that line a bumper sticker, "I'm just in this for the boobies."

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

Ok, I'll share another.. One of my friends, totally hottt guy named Frank, we called him Franky.. he is Italian and beautiful.. Body that won't stop too.. so he is like this larger than life guy too.. major personality.. well a group of us always hang out together, our "cliche" so to speak.. So one Fri night Franky wants us all to go to a stripper joint to see midget stripping..so we're like, HELL YEA, lets go LOL.. Well we had a blast and Franky became tight with the midget stripper.. so he asks her to go hang out with us on the beach the following day- Saturday.. something we always do spring and summer.. well she came.. Franky carted her all over the beach on his shoulders all day, throwing back a few beers throughout the day .. -- so about a couple of hours later we're all feeling pretty good when everyone decides to go in to the water.. so Franky grabs the midget and sticks her back up on his shoulders and as we're going to the water, he catapults her like a fucking canon in to the water.. that poor girl bounced like a freaking basketball, hurt her head and had to be carried out of the ocean. LMFAO.. It was horrible but we're all half shit faced, worried but laughing too.. Anyhow, my midget memories <sighs>

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

BTW- You had to be there and see this midget flying through the air squealing in delight until she bounced like a fucking rubber egg and banged her head up. LOL

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

What's up with all of the lurkers? LOL

 

[Spoonman]

Back in the 70's streaking was a big thing. there was this bar across the state line we used to go to on occasion because we could get in at 17 with a fake ID. it was called steak and brew. so it was kind of a restaurant with a bar that became more of a drinkers hang out after dinner hours.

So one night we get the idea we are going to streak it during the dinner hour. so the plan was we go into the bathroom, take off our clothes and from there run out and run around the tables naked. two friends were to take our clothes and go out to the car and wait for us in the parking lot. so we get naked, wait a few minutes to give our friends time to get out to the car then book out and start running around the tables. people are sitting there eating and we're running up to their tables grabbing fries and whooping it up. after what seemed like a life time but was probably really only a minute we make a break for the car. just as we are getting to the car and about to open the door our friends take off and leave us stranded there - naked. we're bolting down the highway after them with nothing but a pair of work boots on.

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

Back in the 70's streaking was a big thing. there was this bar across the state line we used to go to on occasion because we could get in at 17 with a fake ID. it was called steak and brew. so it was kind of a restaurant with a bar that became more of a drinkers hang out after dinner hours.

So one night we get the idea we are going to streak it during the dinner hour. so the plan was we go into the bathroom, take off our clothes and from there run out and run around the tables naked. two friends were to take our clothes and go out to the car and wait for us in the parking lot. so we get naked, wait a few minutes to give our friends time to get out to the car then book out and start running around the tables. people are sitting there eating and we're running up to their tables grabbing fries and whooping it up. after what seemed like a life time but was probably really only a minute we make a break for the car. just as we are getting to the car and about to open the door our friends take off and leave us stranded there - naked. we're bolting down the highway after them with nothing but a pair of work boots on.

LMFAO!! Hey, I've seen a hint of you in the shower so I'm sure girls were fainting everywhere.. ;-)

 

[TheOldSchool]

I'm going to try really hard to be as unspecific as possible for this one... but I swear nothing in this story is a lie. Very few people know it because it's my single greatest regret in my entire life.

A few years ago I was finishing my Bachelors Degree. I lived in the same apartment complex as these 2 INCREDIBLY smokin roommates. Unbeknownst to me at the time... one of them was the daughter of a straight up rock n roll legend.

One night I had some friends over and got completely hammered. The girl I was trying to get with left so I got even more hammered. I went to bed shortly after butt naked and in no shape to do anything.

A little later the previously mentioned rockstars daughter barges into my room, passed all of my friends who are still hanging out in the living room. She made a completely frivolous excuse for me to follow her and her friend to her apartment.

I put on a bathrobe and followed her. I finished the completely frivolous task, which was COMPLETELY fabricated (won't go into further detail) and sat on her couch. Her friend excused herself and left. The girl, a 12 out of 10 and NO LIE daughter of a rock legend (which I had no idea), starts talking about how she loves to give blow jobs.

Now I consider myself to have some decent game and I can handle myself pretty well most of the time. But I swear I've never failed so miserably as this time. I was SUPER drunk, naked in a bathrobe, and sitting in a certifiable 10's living room while she was telling me how she loved to give blow jobs.

I was BLACK OUT drunk, and was completely incapable of handling myself and of course I panicked .

Long story short, I went home a little later, got a girlfriend soon after, and haven't spoken the the girl in question in several years.

Greatest regret of my life. And now all you random internet people know. Hope that's some good toilet talk!

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

I'm going to try really hard to be as unspecific as possible for this one... but I swear nothing in this story is a lie. Very few people know it because it's my single greatest regret in my entire life.

A few years ago I was finishing my Bachelors Degree. I lived in the same apartment complex as these 2 INCREDIBLY smokin roommates. Unbeknownst to me at the time... one of them was the daughter of a straight up rock n roll legend.

One night I had some friends over and got completely hammered. The girl I was trying to get with left so I got even more hammered. I went to bed shortly after butt naked and in no shape to do anything.

A little later the previously mentioned rockstars daughter barges into my room, passed all of my friends who are still hanging out in the living room. She made a completely frivolous excuse for me to follow her and her friend to her apartment.

I put on a bathrobe and followed her. I finished the completely frivolous task, which was COMPLETELY fabricated (won't go into further detail) and sat on her couch. Her friend excused herself and left. The girl, a 12 out of 10 and NO LIE daughter of a rock legend (which I had no idea), starts talking about how she loves to give blow jobs.

Now I consider myself to have some decent game and I can handle myself pretty well most of the time. But I swear I've never failed so miserably as this time. I was SUPER drunk, naked in a bathrobe, and sitting in a certifiable 10's living room while she was telling me how she loved to give blow jobs.

I was BLACK OUT drunk, and was completely incapable of handling myself and of course I panicked .

Long story short, I went home a little later, got a girlfriend soon after, and haven't spoken the the girl in question in several years.

Greatest regret of my life. And now all you random internet people know. Hope that's some good toilet talk!

\I have to present you with the GOLDEN TOILET award for the night!! Hands down-- best story in the thread..Oh man, that sucks.. wow.. I'm not a guy so I don't know what its like to miss a score like that but you made it sound pretty painful LOL

 

[Spoonman]

Back in the 70's streaking was a big thing. there was this bar across the state line we used to go to on occasion because we could get in at 17 with a fake ID. it was called steak and brew. so it was kind of a restaurant with a bar that became more of a drinkers hang out after dinner hours.

So one night we get the idea we are going to streak it during the dinner hour. so the plan was we go into the bathroom, take off our clothes and from there run out and run around the tables naked. two friends were to take our clothes and go out to the car and wait for us in the parking lot. so we get naked, wait a few minutes to give our friends time to get out to the car then book out and start running around the tables. people are sitting there eating and we're running up to their tables grabbing fries and whooping it up. after what seemed like a life time but was probably really only a minute we make a break for the car. just as we are getting to the car and about to open the door our friends take off and leave us stranded there - naked. we're bolting down the highway after them with nothing but a pair of work boots on.

LMFAO!! Hey, I've seen a hint of you in the shower so I'm sure girls were fainting everywhere.. ;-)

another streaking story. our high school was laid out kind of like a spider. there was a center commons and cafeteria then there were 5 wings that extended out of it like legs. all of the wings had doors that led outside. so the plan was to start at the end of the 300 wing, take a lap around the commons then shoot down the 200 wing which led to the senior parking. on our lap around the commons the AV dudes were in the library messing with their AV equipment. Well they got us on camera and we got busted. It's not like they wouldn't have known who I was anyway. In HS I had long blonde hair down to my ass, so it was pretty obvious who I was. But being on film, there was no denying it. lol

 

[TheOldSchool]

I'm going to try really hard to be as unspecific as possible for this one... but I swear nothing in this story is a lie. Very few people know it because it's my single greatest regret in my entire life.

A few years ago I was finishing my Bachelors Degree. I lived in the same apartment complex as these 2 INCREDIBLY smokin roommates. Unbeknownst to me at the time... one of them was the daughter of a straight up rock n roll legend.

One night I had some friends over and got completely hammered. The girl I was trying to get with left so I got even more hammered. I went to bed shortly after butt naked and in no shape to do anything.

A little later the previously mentioned rockstars daughter barges into my room, passed all of my friends who are still hanging out in the living room. She made a completely frivolous excuse for me to follow her and her friend to her apartment.

I put on a bathrobe and followed her. I finished the completely frivolous task, which was COMPLETELY fabricated (won't go into further detail) and sat on her couch. Her friend excused herself and left. The girl, a 12 out of 10 and NO LIE daughter of a rock legend (which I had no idea), starts talking about how she loves to give blow jobs.

Now I consider myself to have some decent game and I can handle myself pretty well most of the time. But I swear I've never failed so miserably as this time. I was SUPER drunk, naked in a bathrobe, and sitting in a certifiable 10's living room while she was telling me how she loved to give blow jobs.

I was BLACK OUT drunk, and was completely incapable of handling myself and of course I panicked .

Long story short, I went home a little later, got a girlfriend soon after, and haven't spoken the the girl in question in several years.

Greatest regret of my life. And now all you random internet people know. Hope that's some good toilet talk!

\I have to present you with the GOLDEN TOILET award for the night!! Hands down-- best story in the thread..Oh man, that sucks.. wow.. I'm not a guy so I don't know what its like to miss a score like that but you made it sound pretty painful LOL

Oh you have no idea. My friends who know aren't allowed to mention it because I actually get mad about it. Even after all these years.

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

Back in the 70's streaking was a big thing. there was this bar across the state line we used to go to on occasion because we could get in at 17 with a fake ID. it was called steak and brew. so it was kind of a restaurant with a bar that became more of a drinkers hang out after dinner hours.

So one night we get the idea we are going to streak it during the dinner hour. so the plan was we go into the bathroom, take off our clothes and from there run out and run around the tables naked. two friends were to take our clothes and go out to the car and wait for us in the parking lot. so we get naked, wait a few minutes to give our friends time to get out to the car then book out and start running around the tables. people are sitting there eating and we're running up to their tables grabbing fries and whooping it up. after what seemed like a life time but was probably really only a minute we make a break for the car. just as we are getting to the car and about to open the door our friends take off and leave us stranded there - naked. we're bolting down the highway after them with nothing but a pair of work boots on.

LMFAO!! Hey, I've seen a hint of you in the shower so I'm sure girls were fainting everywhere.. ;-)

another streaking story. our high school was laid out kind of like a spider. there was a center commons and cafeteria then there were 5 wings that extended out of it like legs. all of the wings had doors that led outside. so the plan was to start at the end of the 300 wing, take a lap around the commons then shoot down the 200 wing which led to the senior parking. on our lap around the commons the AV dudes were in the library messing with their AV equipment. Well they got us on camera and we got busted. It's not like they wouldn't have known who I was anyway. In HS I had long blonde hair down to my ass, so it was pretty obvious who I was. But being on film, there was no denying it. lol

LOL!!!! I'm going to steal one of you guys lines from The Tavern.."Pictures or it didn't happen!"

Ok, I gotta ask.. Streaking must have been like a full time thing with you? lol

I wonder why no one streaks now? I'd love to run around naked with some friends doing stupid shit.. lol

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

I'm going to try really hard to be as unspecific as possible for this one... but I swear nothing in this story is a lie. Very few people know it because it's my single greatest regret in my entire life.

A few years ago I was finishing my Bachelors Degree. I lived in the same apartment complex as these 2 INCREDIBLY smokin roommates. Unbeknownst to me at the time... one of them was the daughter of a straight up rock n roll legend.

One night I had some friends over and got completely hammered. The girl I was trying to get with left so I got even more hammered. I went to bed shortly after butt naked and in no shape to do anything.

A little later the previously mentioned rockstars daughter barges into my room, passed all of my friends who are still hanging out in the living room. She made a completely frivolous excuse for me to follow her and her friend to her apartment.

I put on a bathrobe and followed her. I finished the completely frivolous task, which was COMPLETELY fabricated (won't go into further detail) and sat on her couch. Her friend excused herself and left. The girl, a 12 out of 10 and NO LIE daughter of a rock legend (which I had no idea), starts talking about how she loves to give blow jobs.

Now I consider myself to have some decent game and I can handle myself pretty well most of the time. But I swear I've never failed so miserably as this time. I was SUPER drunk, naked in a bathrobe, and sitting in a certifiable 10's living room while she was telling me how she loved to give blow jobs.

I was BLACK OUT drunk, and was completely incapable of handling myself and of course I panicked .

Long story short, I went home a little later, got a girlfriend soon after, and haven't spoken the the girl in question in several years.

Greatest regret of my life. And now all you random internet people know. Hope that's some good toilet talk!

\I have to present you with the GOLDEN TOILET award for the night!! Hands down-- best story in the thread..Oh man, that sucks.. wow.. I'm not a guy so I don't know what its like to miss a score like that but you made it sound pretty painful LOL

Oh you have no idea. My friends who know aren't allowed to mention it because I actually get mad about it. Even after all these years.

Well if she was a 12 out of a 10 that leaves out Liv Tyler.. Although I think she can look very attractive at times..

 

[Againsheila]

My first tour in Germany I was dating this fraulein who had Syrenn type boobies. I'll admit it I'm a boob guy. Anyway, her birthday is coming up and I ask what she wanted. She just wanted some red roses. So it's Friday night, I stop and get a dozen. I leave the shop and the town is crowded. Every 20 feet people are stopping me and shaking my hand. Jabbering away in German. I didn't speak German so I was wondering what the hell was going on. I ran into one of my friends. He said "So you're going to pop the question huh?" I said what in the world are you talking about? He said you give a German girl red roses and it's like a marriage proposal. I shoved the roses in his hand and told him to give them to his wife. I'm just in this for the...uh...boobies. Went and bought a box of chocolates.

I'd rep you, but I gotta spread it around. That was great.

 

[Againsheila]

Back in the 70's streaking was a big thing. there was this bar across the state line we used to go to on occasion because we could get in at 17 with a fake ID. it was called steak and brew. so it was kind of a restaurant with a bar that became more of a drinkers hang out after dinner hours.

So one night we get the idea we are going to streak it during the dinner hour. so the plan was we go into the bathroom, take off our clothes and from there run out and run around the tables naked. two friends were to take our clothes and go out to the car and wait for us in the parking lot. so we get naked, wait a few minutes to give our friends time to get out to the car then book out and start running around the tables. people are sitting there eating and we're running up to their tables grabbing fries and whooping it up. after what seemed like a life time but was probably really only a minute we make a break for the car. just as we are getting to the car and about to open the door our friends take off and leave us stranded there - naked. we're bolting down the highway after them with nothing but a pair of work boots on.

I had a friend, he and his friend decided to go streaking through the local fast food restaurant. The ran in naked and were so thrilled with themselves, til the got to the doors on the other side, and they were locked!

 

[Michelle420]

I had a job interview for a popular busy bar and grill I was sitting down at a table being interviewed and the manager got called away to the kitchen for a minute, while he was gone something got caught in my eye and I tried to rub it away, around that time the guess who came on and the song "these eyes" started playing by the time the manager came back, my eye was tearing up with irritation and streams of tears poured out, he came back and looked at me with concern and asked if I was ok, I assured him I was but my eye never stopped crying throughout the interview.

needless to say I didn't score the job.

 

[Bloodrock44]

What's up with all of the lurkers? LOL

I have a huge fan base. Can't shake 'em.

 

[Bloodrock44]

Several months ago I was standing in line at Walmart. There was a young lady, probably in her late 20's with 2 young children in line in front of me. Cashier rang up the purchase and it was obvious she didn't have enough cash and had to put some things back. I could see that everything she was buying was necessities and it broke my heart t see the looks on the kids faces. So I told the cashier to ring the items up and I would pay the difference of what she was short. The lady protested, but I insisted. She was so grateful and I could see she was really touched and tears were streaming. I went grocery shopping yesterday but this morning I realized there were a few little things I had missed. Cashier rang up my stuff and I went to swipe my card and a hand pushed mine away. Before I could say anything someone swiped a card for my purchase. I looked around it was that same lady. I started to protest and she said don't you dare say a word. I remember you. I told everyone about you and how kind you were. Some of my friends couldn't understand how a stranger could do such a thing. But I said if I ever see him again I'd like to return the favor. I was unemployed then I have a job now and you are not going to deny me. Goes to show you what goes around comes around.

 

[LadyGunSlinger]

I had a job interview for a popular busy bar and grill I was sitting down at a table being interviewed and the manager got called away to the kitchen for a minute, while he was gone something got caught in my eye and I tried to rub it away, around that time the guess who came on and the song "these eyes" started playing by the time the manager came back, my eye was tearing up with irritation and streams of tears poured out, he came back and looked at me with concern and asked if I was ok, I assured him I was but my eye never stopped crying throughout the interview.

needless to say I didn't score the job.

LOL Sorry about the job but you have to admit it's funny!