Would You Cheat on a Spouse?

[dilloduck]

Then presumably you should know better.

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

But it's ok to tell your spouse you won't have sex with them anymore? As I said, there are a lot of reasons to stay married. Sex is only one. But I wouldn't find it acceptable to be deprived of sex in a relationship.

My *point*, and my only point, was that relationships are complex and the reason I assumed you weren't married is because your approach was so simplistic and judgmental.

Me? I thought the question was actually an interesting one and deserved more than to get blown off.

Getting blown off would require a whole new thread I think !

 

[Dis]

Then presumably you should know better.

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

But it's ok to tell your spouse you won't have sex with them anymore?

My *point*, and my only point, was that relationships are complex and the reason I assumed you weren't married is because your approach was so simplistic and judgmental.

Me? I thought the question was actually an interesting one and deserved more than to get blown off.

Ah, but your "assumption" based on my "opinion" isn't the least bit judgemental? Maybe I simply haven't been married enough times? I mean.. Once is so few..how could I possibly dare have a differing opinion?

Pul-eeze.

You're doing that hypocritical bit again.

 

[jillian]

*yawn*

 

[007]

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

I would. If a spouse "cares," as you say, about the other one, then there shouldn't be any holding out on sex. If one person in a relationship has acquired some reason why NOT to have sex with the other, then they need to separate if the other person still wants sex. You can NOT have a marriage without sex.

WJ, is it ever OK to cheat on a spouse? No. If you're not getting any, get a divorce and find someone new, but don't cheat on your spouse.

 

[William Joyce]

What if the spouse just refused to have sex?

unfortunately, life isn't ALL about YOU....especially if you are married.

You seem to like your wife, outside of the lack of sex...you seem to imply she's a keeper, otherwise....

Then ask yourself, if she found out, that you were committing adultery with a lady on the side....how would she feel or take it and how would you feel or handle it, with her?

Also, what if the lady you were playing around with, fell for you....and wanted you to leave your wife....what would you do?

Can you honestly keep a mistress without having other feelings for her beside sexual satisfaction, so that it does not interfere with your relationship and friendship with your wife?

I don't think many women can do this...if it were them having the affair....they usually get stuck on and end up loving the guy, they are "doing"....imo which would way complicate the marriage....but men seem to be different, I would suppose....?

How would you feel if you found out that your wife was not having sex with you, but she was with someone else on the side? Could you accept this?

Would it make you feel that you were not the sex stud that you think you are...? or make you feel differently about her?

What was it that attracted your wife to you in the first place? What made her want to "do" you? What turned her on about you, BACK THEN? Can you get that BACK again?

so many unanswered questions....

care

All fair questions.

And by the way, why do you assume I'm talking about my own life? Clearly, I'm talking about a good friend of mine.

 

[dilloduck]

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

I would. If a spouse "cares," as you say, about the other one, then there shouldn't be any holding out on sex. If one person in a relationship has acquired some reason why NOT to have sex with the other, then they need to separate if the other person still wants sex. You can NOT have a marriage without sex.

WJ, is it ever OK to cheat on a spouse? No. If you're not getting any, get a divorce and find someone new, but don't cheat on your spouse.

Thousands of people have marriage without sex, Pale.

 

[Terry]

What if the spouse just refused to have sex?

Look if you're not happy in a marriage and it's about not getting enough sex..Then why the hell stay married? Get a f'king divorce! Cheating is for a person who has major character flaws!

Divorce already, you married the person, no sex, oh well guess you'll be either getting a divorce or using your hand a lot.

 

[Dis]

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

I would. If a spouse "cares," as you say, about the other one, then there shouldn't be any holding out on sex. If one person in a relationship has acquired some reason why NOT to have sex with the other, then they need to separate if the other person still wants sex. You can NOT have a marriage without sex.

WJ, is it ever OK to cheat on a spouse? No. If you're not getting any, get a divorce and find someone new, but don't cheat on your spouse.

Ultimatums escalate problems to begin with. Ultimatums about sensitive issues such as that are even worse. If you aren't getting any, and you can't talk about it, or work thru it without putting the other person on a bigger defense by saying "If you don't...I will...", then as I said.. you don't have a marriage. Get a divorce. But don't threaten to sleep with someone else just to get what you want while you're still married.

 

[007]

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

I would. If a spouse "cares," as you say, about the other one, then there shouldn't be any holding out on sex. If one person in a relationship has acquired some reason why NOT to have sex with the other, then they need to separate if the other person still wants sex. You can NOT have a marriage without sex.

WJ, is it ever OK to cheat on a spouse? No. If you're not getting any, get a divorce and find someone new, but don't cheat on your spouse.

Thousands of people have marriage without sex, Pale.

Yeah well maybe the elderly and such, but not people in their prime.

 

[William Joyce]

So you would accept a marriage without sex?

Why would that ever be necessary ?

My wife has not had sex with me since 1999. My illness pretty much destroyed the intimacy and she was never really into sex anyway. At first we stayed married because of the kids. Now we are just used to it and stay together cause we still care about one another in other ways.

Now I would not mind finding another woman that would be willing to love me like my wife does AND include sex. But I am not going out of my way to find that.

I suspect sometimes she has a boyfriend, but it just isn't that important. If she does, I am glad she can find happiness in that manner. Financially we would both have problems if we divorced.

Now this seems to be a pretty enlightened mindest to me (though I am sorry to hear of your circumstance). I can think a few couples (not my own, really) that stay together, and you just kind of get the sense that if one or the other has a little something on the side, it's just not mentioned or is accepted. And like with RGS, the cuckolded spouse might not even want to know, or, if they found it, would be kind of resigned to it.

I had an aunt and uncle where the aunt blimped up and apparently stopped having sex. So, he fooled around with his secretary. I would have thought the women in our family would have been mad. But they weren't. Actually, the took HIS SIDE! Even my more-Catholic-than-thou grandmother! She would just cluck and say, "what did Mary expect?" (They divorced, he got remarried and divorced again, and now they live together, unmarried. Weird.)

So, I guess infidelity isn't always that shocking. In marriages that are on their way down anyway and divorce is on the horizon, it's only adultery in the barest of technical senses. But even in marriages that will continue on, it's sometimes seen as a "well, what did anyone expect?" situation.

That, I think, partially answers the question of, "what if your spouse found out?" Surely most wouldn't be exactly pleased, but some, like RGS, might not be overly surprised.

RGS, how would you have reacted if your wife had come to you and said she'd like to find physical satisfaction elsewhere?

 

[Dis]

*yawn*

Typical. One would think you could do better by now.

Which marriage are YOU on, that you have so much more experience that you can tell someone else their views are wrong?

 

[dilloduck]

Cheating is for a person who has major character flaws!

hogwash--It's a pretty shallow rule in the first place.

 

[007]

I know that you don't dump an ultimatum like THAT in someones lap that you profess to care about.

Because doing so makes it all better, right?

I would. If a spouse "cares," as you say, about the other one, then there shouldn't be any holding out on sex. If one person in a relationship has acquired some reason why NOT to have sex with the other, then they need to separate if the other person still wants sex. You can NOT have a marriage without sex.

WJ, is it ever OK to cheat on a spouse? No. If you're not getting any, get a divorce and find someone new, but don't cheat on your spouse.

Ultimatums escalate problems to begin with. Ultimatums about sensitive issues such as that are even worse. If you aren't getting any, and you can't talk about it, or work thru it without putting the other person on a bigger defense by saying "If you don't...I will...", then as I said.. you don't have a marriage. Get a divorce. But don't threaten to sleep with someone else just to get what you want while you're still married.

Agreed. Triy and find out WHY said person doesn't want to have sex and get past it. But if it's turned into a permanent situation, the 'ultimatum' would stand.

I can tell you right now, I can cook my own food, do my own laundry, I have plenty of money, and I don't need anyone to help me. So what do I need a woman for? Sex. Plain and simple. Of course there's companionship, but that can become tiresome also and you need some space. Sex is a huge component of marriage. It's where intimacy is born and held. No sex, then the marriage will inevitably fall apart.

 

[dilloduck]

I would. If a spouse "cares," as you say, about the other one, then there shouldn't be any holding out on sex. If one person in a relationship has acquired some reason why NOT to have sex with the other, then they need to separate if the other person still wants sex. You can NOT have a marriage without sex.

WJ, is it ever OK to cheat on a spouse? No. If you're not getting any, get a divorce and find someone new, but don't cheat on your spouse.

Ultimatums escalate problems to begin with. Ultimatums about sensitive issues such as that are even worse. If you aren't getting any, and you can't talk about it, or work thru it without putting the other person on a bigger defense by saying "If you don't...I will...", then as I said.. you don't have a marriage. Get a divorce. But don't threaten to sleep with someone else just to get what you want while you're still married.

Agreed. Tried and find out WHY said person doesn't want to have sex and get past it. But if it's turned into a permanent situation, the 'ultimatum' would stand.

I can tell you right now, I can cook my own food, do my own laundry, bring home the bacon, and I don't need anyone to help me. So what do I need a woman for? Sex. Plain and simple. Of course there's companionship, but that can become tiresome also and you need some space. Sex is a huge component of marriage. It's where intimacy is born and held. No sex, then the marriage will inevitably fall apart.

I disagree----intimacy can be born and held wherever the relationship chooses.
Intimacy is just the things that two people agree to share exclusively with each other.

 

[007]

Ultimatums escalate problems to begin with. Ultimatums about sensitive issues such as that are even worse. If you aren't getting any, and you can't talk about it, or work thru it without putting the other person on a bigger defense by saying "If you don't...I will...", then as I said.. you don't have a marriage. Get a divorce. But don't threaten to sleep with someone else just to get what you want while you're still married.

Agreed. Tried and find out WHY said person doesn't want to have sex and get past it. But if it's turned into a permanent situation, the 'ultimatum' would stand.

I can tell you right now, I can cook my own food, do my own laundry, bring home the bacon, and I don't need anyone to help me. So what do I need a woman for? Sex. Plain and simple. Of course there's companionship, but that can become tiresome also and you need some space. Sex is a huge component of marriage. It's where intimacy is born and held. No sex, then the marriage will inevitably fall apart.

I disagree----intimacy can be born and held wherever the relationship chooses.
Intimacy is just the things that two people agree to share exclusively with each other.

Well I won't disagree as such with you, but I will say that 'intimacy' could be defined many different ways by many different people.

To me, sex is about as 'intimate" of an act one can have with another.

 

[Terry]

Too each their own but it doesn't make sense if you're going to cheat then why be married? Come on, is the person afraid to divorce? Is it they will lose money if they divorce? Is it the concern over Children? Either one of them shows me that they are selfish people and only care about themselves! Don't marry, don't cheat, or get a divorce!

There are medical reason's for a low or non-existant Libdo, maybe if the spouse talks openly to the other and a doctor maybe something can be done, but they don't because the person who cheats wants that as an excuse to satifsy it's own selfish fantasy.

 

[dilloduck]

Agreed. Tried and find out WHY said person doesn't want to have sex and get past it. But if it's turned into a permanent situation, the 'ultimatum' would stand.

I can tell you right now, I can cook my own food, do my own laundry, bring home the bacon, and I don't need anyone to help me. So what do I need a woman for? Sex. Plain and simple. Of course there's companionship, but that can become tiresome also and you need some space. Sex is a huge component of marriage. It's where intimacy is born and held. No sex, then the marriage will inevitably fall apart.

I disagree----intimacy can be born and held wherever the relationship chooses.
Intimacy is just the things that two people agree to share exclusively with each other.

Well I won't disagree as such with you, but I will say that 'intimacy' could be defined many different ways by many different people.

To me, sex is about as 'intimate" of an act one can have with another.

So it seems in our society but I've had sexual relationships that left much to be desired in the way of satifying my needs for imtimacy.

 

[007]

I disagree----intimacy can be born and held wherever the relationship chooses.
Intimacy is just the things that two people agree to share exclusively with each other.

Well I won't disagree as such with you, but I will say that 'intimacy' could be defined many different ways by many different people.

To me, sex is about as 'intimate" of an act one can have with another.

So it seems in our society but I've had sexual relationships that left much to be desired in the way of satifying my needs for imtimacy.

I'm sorry to hear that. I've had relationships where my need for intimacy was OVER satisfied... ...

Damn nymph... wish a had her now...

 

[dilloduck]

Well I won't disagree as such with you, but I will say that 'intimacy' could be defined many different ways by many different people.

To me, sex is about as 'intimate" of an act one can have with another.

So it seems in our society but I've had sexual relationships that left much to be desired in the way of satifying my needs for imtimacy.

I'm sorry to hear that. I've had relationships where my need for intimacy was OVER satisfied... ...

Damn nymph... wish a had her now...

just escaped from one a few years back---whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

 

[007]

So it seems in our society but I've had sexual relationships that left much to be desired in the way of satifying my needs for imtimacy.

I'm sorry to hear that. I've had relationships where my need for intimacy was OVER satisfied... ...

Damn nymph... wish a had her now...

just escaped from one a few years back---whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Ya never know how good you had it 'til it's gone...