Most people assume I stopped boozing because I converted to Islam, this not the case. In fact, I stopped a while before I considered the delights of that religion. One evening, drunk as I often was, I called into a local Indian take away for a kebab. While I was waiting, a young girl I knew popped in with an order for her, her sister and her father. The mother had buggered off some few months before because the dad was beating her up. Her mobile bleeped to announce a text message that, drunkenly peeking at the screen, turned out to be seriously XXX rated as it described in some detail what was going to happen to her that evening. She, being 15 at the time, seemed a tad young but I was seriously pissed so I made some drunken comment about her boyfriend being a bit of a lad. "it's my dad", she replied. To my lasting shame, I was too drunk to think properly so I didn't call the cops as I should have and thus, I didn't save her being raped by her dad for the Nth time. Can anyone think of a better reason to stop drinking?