CDZ What is a friend

[GaryDog]

I like ISIS in south they must win then in Syria and then Libya even America do help Libyan armies this time like Iraq in Iraq 4000 or 6000 USAF troops.

Whatever software you're using for English translation is not working.

Ahem, I'm sorry...

Software using you're English left wanting on translates.

 

[320 Years of History]

What is a "friend"?

Full Definition of friend

1. 1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
   
   
2. 2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
   
   
3. 3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
   
   
4. 4 : a favored companion
   
   
5. 5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker

Is family better than friends?
Are your coworkers friends?
Is any friend a potential foe?
Friend is actually an ambiguous term?


The debate presented:
There really is no such thing as a friend, in the modern context.
A friend is a social construct.
A friend isn't real.

First off, I think far too many people far too loosely refer to other individuals in their lives as "friends" when any number of other terms "acquaintance," "close acquaintance," "associate," "colleague," etc. are more accurate and more respectful to the few folks in one's life who actually deserve to be called one's friend(s).

As for the specific questions you asked:

• Is family better than friends?
  • Immediate family...no.
    Extended family...possibly.
    Distant and unknown or little known relatives...only implausibly so.
  • The only thing, IMO, distinguishing distant or hardly known relatives from other strangers is that one's blood relationship to them makes them eligible to rapidly insinuate themselves into one's life whereas most folks wouldn't permit that to happen at the same pace with regard to truly unrelated strangers. That's not to say those distant relatives will successfully do so, only that that "get a pass" on having to justify/prove themselves, beyond establishing the blood connection, for wanting to do so.
• Are your coworkers friends?
  • A couple of them are. The rest are colleagues, acquaintances and so on. Some of them, the ones with whom I've collaborated successfully over time, merit the qualifier of "close," but most don't.
• Friend is actually an ambiguous term?
  • Not to me. It's very clear in my mind what that term means. "Friend" for me means someone whom I'd never wrong and who would never do me wrong, and I can rely on that being so. A friend is someone by whom I'll stand through thick and thin, come what may. A friend is someone whose integrity is irreproachable in my estimation.
• Is any friend a potential foe?
  • I think I'm a better judge of character, and I think I'm circumspect enough about whom I consider a friend, that the answer to that question is "highly unlikely." Even my ex wife isn't my enemy, nor I hers. On the contrary, we remain among one another's closest friends.

 

[alpine]

Is family better than friends?

You cant choose your family, but you can choose your friends...

If your family members are not aware of the importance of reliable connections on this wild unpredictable spinning rock, you will be much better off picking the people who are aware using your good old senses...

 

[asaratis]

A friend is someone with which you feel close even when apart, relaxed when together, would not hesitate to share your most intimate thoughts, think of often and with which, after being separated for an extended period, you do not feel a need to 'start over'. I think if one goes through life and has three real friends, one is blessed.

 

[Asclepias]

What is a "friend"?

Full Definition of friend

1. 1 a : one attached to another by affection or esteem b : acquaintance
   
   
2. 2 a : one that is not hostile b : one that is of the same nation, party, or group
   
   
3. 3 : one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)
   
   
4. 4 : a favored companion
   
   
5. 5 capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker

Is family better than friends?
Are your coworkers friends?
Is any friend a potential foe?
Friend is actually an ambiguous term?


The debate presented:
There really is no such thing as a friend, in the modern context.
A friend is a social construct.
A friend isn't real.

Most people are barely acquaintances. A friend is a person that will never knowingly put you in harms way, defend you in your absence, tell you the truth about yourself if need be, and share their insecurities with you.

Family can sometimes be your worst enemy so yes a friend can be better.

 

[Papageorgio]

A friend is someone that will stick by you. Also will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.


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[Tilly]

A friend is someone that will stick by you. Also will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.


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So true, and sadly something that is often misunderstood and unappreciated.

 

[Dhara]

You have to stand by the person first. You have to understand what makes that person tick. You have to hold your arms open, even when they push you away and reject you.

I have my heart open to those I love, even though they may be angry with me and reject me.

This is how I am teaching my children. It's ok for them to say, "I hate my sister". It's true in the moment, but they aren't hating for lack of love, but because of love.

 

[Asclepias]

You have to stand by the person first. You have to understand what makes that person tick. You have to hold your arms open, even when they push you away and reject you.

I have my heart open to those I love, even though they may be angry with me and reject me.

This is how I am teaching my children. It's ok for them to say, "I hate my sister". It's true in the moment, but they aren't hating for lack of love, but because of love.

Even better teach them to say "I hate what you are doing". That way the hate is directed at the action not the person. You never know how people will take such an emotional attack.

 

[Dhara]

You have to stand by the person first. You have to understand what makes that person tick. You have to hold your arms open, even when they push you away and reject you.

I have my heart open to those I love, even though they may be angry with me and reject me.

This is how I am teaching my children. It's ok for them to say, "I hate my sister". It's true in the moment, but they aren't hating for lack of love, but because of love.

Even better teach them to say "I hate what you are doing". That way the hate is directed at the action not the person. You never know how people will take such an emotional attack.

It's ok for them to say "I hate you".

 

[Asclepias]

You have to stand by the person first. You have to understand what makes that person tick. You have to hold your arms open, even when they push you away and reject you.

I have my heart open to those I love, even though they may be angry with me and reject me.

This is how I am teaching my children. It's ok for them to say, "I hate my sister". It's true in the moment, but they aren't hating for lack of love, but because of love.

Even better teach them to say "I hate what you are doing". That way the hate is directed at the action not the person. You never know how people will take such an emotional attack.

It's ok for them to say "I hate you".

It may be ok but its not really the best way to handle things among loved ones. Think about it for a minute. Words are like pins and people are the pin cushions. Every negative thing you say to someone is like sticking a pin into them. Taking it off the person and putting it onto their actions gives the person an option. Correct their actions or not. If you put it on the person. "I hate you" how does that person stop being themselves?

 

[Dhara]

You have to stand by the person first. You have to understand what makes that person tick. You have to hold your arms open, even when they push you away and reject you.

I have my heart open to those I love, even though they may be angry with me and reject me.

This is how I am teaching my children. It's ok for them to say, "I hate my sister". It's true in the moment, but they aren't hating for lack of love, but because of love.

Even better teach them to say "I hate what you are doing". That way the hate is directed at the action not the person. You never know how people will take such an emotional attack.

It's ok for them to say "I hate you".

It may be ok but its not really the best way to handle things among loved ones. Think about it for a minute. Words are like pins and people are the pin cushions. Every negative thing you say to someone is like sticking a pin into them. Taking it off the person and putting it onto their actions gives the person an option. Correct their actions or not. If you put it on the person. "I hate you" how does that person stop being themselves?

Children say "I hate you". It's of course better to say, "I hate what you said or did", but where I'm coming from, you have to sit next to the emotion of anger or hate and be it's friend. That's how you learn to befriend yourself and not banish a feeling.

 

[pillars]

I think you can befriend yourself and validate your feelings, while not attacking someone else's person. "I hate what you did" is more useful in the long run than "I hate you." Our job is to give our children tools they can use to have emotionally healthy relationships.

 

[Dhara]

My children say terrible things to each other. "I hate you" is a huge improvement. Saying, "don't hate your sister" doesn't work. I'm showing my kids how to acknowledge what true in the moment and what's really true in a lasting way.

 

[Asclepias]

My children say terrible things to each other. "I hate you" is a huge improvement. Saying, "don't hate your sister" doesn't work. I'm showing my kids how to acknowledge what true in the moment and what's really true in a lasting way.

is it true that they really hate their sister or is it their sisters action they hate?

 

[Dhara]

When kid A says, "I hate kid B", I say, "yes, I know that's how you feel in this moment, what happened?"

 

[Dhara]

My children say terrible things to each other. "I hate you" is a huge improvement. Saying, "don't hate your sister" doesn't work. I'm showing my kids how to acknowledge what true in the moment and what's really true in a lasting way.

is it true that they really hate their sister or is it their sisters action they hate?

I know we've all learned the "correct" attitude toward "hate" is to not have it, and not to say it either.

My feeling is if you accept and love all your feelings, they tend to feel listened to and naturally quiet down.

 

[Ravi]

Someone that loves you, warts and all.

 

[Dhara]

What I won't let my kids say is, "I wish you were dead, or I wish you'd never been born."

 

[Ravi]

My kids never said they hated each other. Sure there was some biting, punching, and kicking. But that was all pack behavior. Same with me and my bros at that age. Now we would all die defending each other's honor.