Ukraine Asks Merrick Garland To Leave As They Already Have Enough Corrupt Government Officials

[1srelluc]

"KYIV — Attorney General Merrick Garland's surprise Ukraine trip was cut short over the weekend after government officials asked him to leave, citing an overabundance of corrupt government officials already in the country.

"Believe me, Mr. Garland, your corruption is legendary," said President Zelensky during their short meeting. "But Ukraine is already corrupt to the core. We're pros at corruption, so we have this pretty well covered. We will not be needing your services, thank you very much."

Sources say the Attorney General stammered in response, citing his lengthy rap sheet which included sending the FBI after parents who protest at school board meetings, sending militarized police units to pro-life protestors' homes, and investigating "radical Catholics."

"Yes, yes, we're aware. Very impressive. Very devious. But not needed here. You're welcome to go back home where you belong," said Zelensky. "Thanks for stopping by though, bud! You didn't have to!"

Reports say an outraged and humiliated Garland is now investigating any Zelensky associates in the U.S. to see if he can find an excuse to send a SWAT team to their door."
Ukraine Asks Merrick Garland To Leave As They Already Have Enough Corrupt Government Officials

In before all the Ukebro flag-wavers come in to say that in reality they never really liked the Babylon Bee and always knew they were a bunch of commie, Putin ball lickers.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

"KYIV — Attorney General Merrick Garland's surprise Ukraine trip was cut short over the weekend after government officials asked him to leave, citing an overabundance of corrupt government officials already in the country.

"Believe me, Mr. Garland, your corruption is legendary," said President Zelensky during their short meeting. "But Ukraine is already corrupt to the core. We're pros at corruption, so we have this pretty well covered. We will not be needing your services, thank you very much."

Sources say the Attorney General stammered in response, citing his lengthy rap sheet which included sending the FBI after parents who protest at school board meetings, sending militarized police units to pro-life protestors' homes, and investigating "radical Catholics."

"Yes, yes, we're aware. Very impressive. Very devious. But not needed here. You're welcome to go back home where you belong," said Zelensky. "Thanks for stopping by though, bud! You didn't have to!"

Reports say an outraged and humiliated Garland is now investigating any Zelensky associates in the U.S. to see if he can find an excuse to send a SWAT team to their door."
Ukraine Asks Merrick Garland To Leave As They Already Have Enough Corrupt Government Officials

In before all the Ukebro flag-wavers come in to say that in reality they never really liked the Babylon Bee and always knew they were a bunch of commie, Putin ball lickers.

Why did Garland deliver wiring instructions to his personal accounts?

 

[Circe]

I hope they don't successfully shut down the Babylon Bee. They are trying to, I read.

 

[1srelluc]

I hope they don't successfully shut down the Babylon Bee. They are trying to, I read.

Yeah, that one was a bit "spicy".

 

[struth]

why was the AG there to begin with?

 

[1srelluc]

why was the AG there to begin with?

Tater sent him for his 10%.

 

[Circe]

Yeah, that one was a bit "spicy".

I think I read they have a case before the Supreme Court! The plaintiffs claim that parody harms them.

I just read through, twice for my sins because the Latin was difficult for me, Seneca's parody of the Emperor Claudius. About 60 AD? Talk about spicy! And yet it was still even now funny, and naughty. Hercules was assigned to try to get him into Olympus as a god as so many emperors tried on, and Hercules felt it was his 13th Labor. The gods were annoyed at such impertinence and decided to do one of their famous punishments like Tantalus or Sisyphus, but decided finally to give him a dice cup with no bottom and dice that would always roll away off the table and into a hole in the floor, since the Emperor was known to like dicing so much. Seneca, a famous writer and general all-around Roman who got in and out of trouble then, never signed his name, obviously, but people have forever credited him and these days the Princeton text analysts also think it was him; he left a large body of more conventional work to compare it with.

I guess I'm saying, don't mess with the Babylon Bee or the Onion! Satire has a VERY LONG and illustrious history and we need it. It's a sad world and laughing a little helps in every millennium.