- Sep 22, 2013
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This is a TrumpUSA parody inspired by Mars Attacks!
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A group of Americans comprised of actors and aspiring actors were recruited by the CIA to investigate reports that a bizarre army of creatures were hiding in the Grand Canyon. This team was called the American Agents (AA). AA was supposed to infiltrate the lair of these creatures (called 'Xenomorphs') which were apparently predatory and very intelligent. The CIA claimed that the creatures were from Venus and landed on Earth in 2010 and were hiding in the Grand Canyon. U.S. President Donald Trump ordered that AA be comprised of actors, since they could be instructed not to leak this information to the press in this age of media-related obsession (i.e., Hollywood, Facebook, tabloids, etc.).
AA arrived at the Grand Canyon with special guns called 'Light-Strikers' which would not only blind the Xenomorphs with an ultra-bright UV light but also paralyze them with a liquid-nitrogen 'ice-mist.' President Trump was confident that AA could efficiently deal with the Xenomorphs in an objective fashion. If AA succeeded, they would be awarded special honorary positions at Duke University and Georgetown University (appearing in special courses as guest-lecturers teaching about the power of modern media!). AA members were ironically excited about this mission and its academic reward, since it was honestly a break from their 'mundane media-soaked lives.'
One member of AA named Ajay was not an actor. He was actually an Algerian-American who was studying the revolutionary philosophies of Frantz Fanon and the controversial/incendiary work of the FLN. Ajay wanted to learn everything about American culture and rhetoric, and he intended to take some of the information from the Grand Canyon mission back to Algeria where he would write a book titled Citizen's Arrest (An Alien Agenda)! However, it was Ajay that the Xenomorphs targeted specifically (since he symbolized pedestrian idealism in modern America and of course free-speech). When AA infiltrated the Grand Canyon and destroyed the Xenomorph lair, the Xenomorph survivors managed to kidnap Ajay and took him back to Venus.
AJAY: Why did you bring me to Venus?
XENO: You're special, Ajay...
AJAY: I just wanted to be a thespian!
XENO: That's of no concern to us.
AJAY: What do you want with me?
XENO: We want you to be our 'apocalypse messenger.'
AJAY: What the hell are you talking about?
XENO: Are you a Christian?
AJAY: Yes. I'm a born-again Christian.
XENO: Did you intend to betray the U.S. government?
AJAY: No. I just wanted to write a book!
XENO: Do you realize you'd become the next Salman Rushdie?
AJAY: I don't understand...
XENO: America is a land of popcorn, and your book was a 'media critique.'
AJAY: So what? Everyone 'critiques' the media these days...
XENO: But not members of AA, Ajay!
AJAY: So what should I do?
XENO: Return to Earth and tell President Trump, "Americans hate WikiLeaks!"
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A group of Americans comprised of actors and aspiring actors were recruited by the CIA to investigate reports that a bizarre army of creatures were hiding in the Grand Canyon. This team was called the American Agents (AA). AA was supposed to infiltrate the lair of these creatures (called 'Xenomorphs') which were apparently predatory and very intelligent. The CIA claimed that the creatures were from Venus and landed on Earth in 2010 and were hiding in the Grand Canyon. U.S. President Donald Trump ordered that AA be comprised of actors, since they could be instructed not to leak this information to the press in this age of media-related obsession (i.e., Hollywood, Facebook, tabloids, etc.).
AA arrived at the Grand Canyon with special guns called 'Light-Strikers' which would not only blind the Xenomorphs with an ultra-bright UV light but also paralyze them with a liquid-nitrogen 'ice-mist.' President Trump was confident that AA could efficiently deal with the Xenomorphs in an objective fashion. If AA succeeded, they would be awarded special honorary positions at Duke University and Georgetown University (appearing in special courses as guest-lecturers teaching about the power of modern media!). AA members were ironically excited about this mission and its academic reward, since it was honestly a break from their 'mundane media-soaked lives.'
One member of AA named Ajay was not an actor. He was actually an Algerian-American who was studying the revolutionary philosophies of Frantz Fanon and the controversial/incendiary work of the FLN. Ajay wanted to learn everything about American culture and rhetoric, and he intended to take some of the information from the Grand Canyon mission back to Algeria where he would write a book titled Citizen's Arrest (An Alien Agenda)! However, it was Ajay that the Xenomorphs targeted specifically (since he symbolized pedestrian idealism in modern America and of course free-speech). When AA infiltrated the Grand Canyon and destroyed the Xenomorph lair, the Xenomorph survivors managed to kidnap Ajay and took him back to Venus.
AJAY: Why did you bring me to Venus?
XENO: You're special, Ajay...
AJAY: I just wanted to be a thespian!
XENO: That's of no concern to us.
AJAY: What do you want with me?
XENO: We want you to be our 'apocalypse messenger.'
AJAY: What the hell are you talking about?
XENO: Are you a Christian?
AJAY: Yes. I'm a born-again Christian.
XENO: Did you intend to betray the U.S. government?
AJAY: No. I just wanted to write a book!
XENO: Do you realize you'd become the next Salman Rushdie?
AJAY: I don't understand...
XENO: America is a land of popcorn, and your book was a 'media critique.'
AJAY: So what? Everyone 'critiques' the media these days...
XENO: But not members of AA, Ajay!
AJAY: So what should I do?
XENO: Return to Earth and tell President Trump, "Americans hate WikiLeaks!"
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