Travel Tips.

Never try to discuss the Holocaust at Octoberfest, you will ruin the mood.

Believe me.

 

Or Dresden. Touchy subject...

 

Really - you guys think that's funny?

 

It's not like we're bringing up the Winter War...

 

You are talking to a guy who sang through a megaphone Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay driving through South Central LA.

That is because it is mostly Chicano now and they had no clue what I was fucking on about.

I think every shaved ape on this planet is a joke.

Including me.

The one thing we all share is the punch line.

 

If you are travelling in a country where the official religion believes in reincarnation, do NOT rent a car and try driving with the locals.

 

Don't go around singing "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" anywhere near the South.

 

Here's a couple of good travel tips for you.
If you plan to travel with kids, two days before you leave on the trip, feed them only sharp chedar cheese. Nothing else. Also the day before you leave, withhold all water. If you do this, nobody will be yelling about having to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes while you're on the road.

 

San Francisco is like granola. Take away all the fruits and the nuts and all you have left are the flakes.*

Author, Unknown - but probably a smartassed bitch.

 

You don't want to serve Oscar Myer rather than Bryan hot dogs either.