- Sep 14, 2011
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I've made no secret of hating the hypocrisy of phony christians - the ones that bluster and brag and tell us they know what god wants and what you should do to be a good christian but then go to other forums/threads and rant the nastiest hate I've ever read. They hate children, gays, blacks, Hispanics, women and the list goes on. Then, back to this forum to preach again, from their high and mighty position on high. Not one of them would get off their butts to help their fellow man but they never stop preaching how others should do it for them while they thump their bibles to excuse the damage they want to do and actually do to their fellow man, woman, child and "other".
So, when I got this in my inbox, I just knew y'all would want to read it.
Just kidding, of course. Down deep, the phonies know who they are. They will see themselves in this but they'll never admit it.
Things Jesus didn't say
So, when I got this in my inbox, I just knew y'all would want to read it.
Just kidding, of course. Down deep, the phonies know who they are. They will see themselves in this but they'll never admit it.
Things Jesus didn't say
- ”Love your friends, bless those who bless you … and screw everybody else.”
- “If you had the faith of this mustard seed … you wouldn’t need all that fancy ‘affordable healthcare.’”
- “Blessed are the racists, for they will rise to great heights in the new administration.”
- “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? I mean, look at all these liberals, and their un-Christian ‘caring for widows, orphans, and the stranger.’ Why can’t they care about Christian stuff, like the 2nd amendment or school prayer?”
- “Go, sell all you have and give it to the richest one percent.”
- “Blessed are those who hate immigrants in my name, for they shall inherit all the jobs white people don’t want to do.”
- “Follow me and I will make you fishers of … people who look just like you.”
- “Give unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar, and give unto God only what you can’t hide on your 1040.”
- “Let the little children come to me … unless they’re in Head Start or need help with school lunches, then cast them out into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of their tiny little teeth.”
- “Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden … and I will make sure you have no union to watch over you.”
- “Go ye therefore into all the world … and make sure everybody hates Muslims. Because obviously.”
- “My God, my God, why do women not see that men should have the last word about what they do with their bodies?”
- “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you … unless she’s a lot younger, prettier (like a model or whatever), and you’ve had enough foresight to sign a prenup.’”
- “You have heard it said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, but I say to you … what the hell? They’ve got it coming.’”
- ”You have heard it said that healthcare should be a right for everyone, but I say to you, ‘If you can store up for yourselves another new Benz, even though it comes from money meant for poor people’s chemotherapy, then you should totally do it.’”
- “You cannot serve God and mammon … which is why it was important to have the Supreme Court rule favorably in Citizens United. Helps us keep to keep who’s who straight.”
- “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven … but if you have a suitably large investment portfolio, that definitely won’t hurt.”
- “If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” (Marginalia—“This only applies to People of Color and women in abusive relationships.”)
- “Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but I say to you … just kidding. That’s for suckers!”
- “And I, when I am lifted up, will draw all straight, cisgender, middle class white guys unto myself.”
- “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep … except refugees. They definitely do not count.”
- “So therefore , none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.” (Wait. Actually, he did say that, but he probably shouldn’t have.)