The Morning Retard Report

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by g5000, Jan 14, 2012.

  1. g5000
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    g5000 Diamond Member

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    I am getting sick and tired of the five million or so retards in traffic who are holding up the other 150 million of us, and so I think instead of the morning traffic report every ten minutes, there should be a Morning Retard Report. And it would go something like this:

    "Good morning. On the interstate, we have retards slowing down on the curves, causing a caterpillar effect backing up traffic from 82nd Avenue to 139th Avenue. Now we go to Bob at South Hill."

    "Hi, Jack. As you can see this retard coming up the hill, he is not pressing down on the gas pedal to maintain his speed. These brain-dead retards are really thick on the ground today, with one coming up this hill at least once a minute, and as you can see, they have traffic backed up for over a mile."

    "Now we go to Cathy at milepost 18."

    "Hi, Jack. This is where the interstate speed limit changes from 55 to 65. For some reason, retards seem to prefer the left lane as they drive five to ten miles below the speed limit. Look, here comes one now. I can't tell if he is going the speed limit, but that doesn't matter. As you can see, there is plenty of open road in front of this retard, and he is completely oblivious to the cars which are jamming up behind him. If he is like every other retard we have seen, I don't think he will be moving over to the right any time soon."

    "We followed one of these retards yesterday morning to ask them what they were allegedly thinking as they drove in the left lane."

    RETARD: Well, I was going the speed limit so I belong in the left land as much as anyone else.

    REPORTER: Were you passing any cars that were in the right lane?

    RETARD: What's that go to do with anything? I was doing the speed limit!

    REPORTER: Did you notice all the cars piling up behind you?

    RETARD: So what? I'm not in any hurry, I don't give a (bleep) if anyone else is. They should have gotten up earlier.



    The US workforce is about 160 million people. And every morning, at least 50 million people have to get up a little earlier than they should to get to work on time. And every evening, those same 50 million people get home a little later than they should be.

    I say 50 million, but I am probably being very, very generous toward the retards who are the cause of so many people losing sleep and family time.

    And being more generous, I am going to say retards add an extra ten minutes to the average morning commute and another ten minutes to the average evening commute.

    So doing retards by the numbers, America collectively loses over 2 billion hours of sleep every year and over 2 billion hours of evening family time every year due to ignorant self-absorbed dumbasses. The total is 4.333 billion hours a year.

    The average wage in America is $19.52.

    That means retards are resulting in $84,585,666,666 worth of uncompensated time in traffic each year.

    Not to mention the neverending attempt to build more and more highway lanes to make up for the traffic jams caused by the retards.


    For these reasons, the police should be ticketing retards, not speeders. Retards are costing us a fricking fortune and should be paying for it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2012
  2. Douger
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    Douger BANNED

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    Hire more Meskinz. They walk, ride a bike, or take the bus
     
  3. g5000
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    g5000 Diamond Member

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    Weird coincidence. This morning I leave extra, extra early and I come up on a retard doing 30 in a 45. She starts collecting this really long tail behind her.

    So I pass her, right?

    I hear her honking her horn at me as I pass. WTF?

    I didn't even have to exceed the speed limit to pass her.

    I proceed at 45-ish, glad to have the retard out of my life.

    But no. She speeds up now and follows me. I stop at a McD's for some breakfast and as I am getting out of my car, there she is screaming at me. This is an obsese woman with really flat greasy hair. And a maw of a mouth.

    I've always wanted to have a face to face with one of these retards. So I explain to her that doing 30 in a 45, she should not be surprised when someone passes her, nor does she have a fucking moral leg to stand on.

    She is screaming that she got my license plate number and had called 9-1-1.

    I really don't give a fuck. I did nothing wrong.

    To be frank, I am kind of amazed at the level of control freak I am dealing with. She actually WANTS everyone to be stuck behind her? What the ever loving fuck is this?

    So then she says something about how she hopes I am killed someday. For what? Wanting to go faster than 30 mph in a 45? Seriously?

    And then I say something I have never said in my life to anyone. Ever. I say, "SHUT UP, FATSO!!!"

    And she does! :eusa_whistle:

    She then pulls behind my car and appears to be using her cell phone.

    Whatever. I go inside for breakfast.
     

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