*Spoiler Alert* Do not read this if you are going to see Star Wars

[AvgGuyIA]

Are there any Mickey Mouse symbols in the movie?

 

[JimBowie1958]

Does Hans Solo die? Is Luke Skywalker obesely overweight?

With Tom Cruz coming in as obese and overweight on the BMI, who isnt obese?

 

[Blackrook]

Here's the thing: it felt like there was a need of at least two or three movies to introduce all these new characters and explain how they ended up in their situations.

Why is Rae, a human girl with very good looks, and badass skills, end up as a homeless person selling junk to survive?

How did Finn end up in a Stormtrooper uniform when he had such high morals and ethics that he disobeyed the first time he was ordered to do anything reprehensible?

What has Han Solo been doing for the last 30 years? Apparently he is in the exact same situation as he was in Star War 4, owing money to gangsters. Also, he lost his ship somehow and then by some strange coincidence he has found his ship again. How long has he been looking, and how many planets did he searched. And why is it that he hasn't changed clothes in 30 years.

The hot shot pilot is a cardboard character, and there is no information about him at all, except that he is a hot shot pilot. But not good enough to figure out how to release a cable that was tying his ship down to the deck.

Who's the old guy who sits in a villlage and lets himself get killed? There's no clue who he is, or what the hell he is doing with the map to Luke Skywalker.

Why the hell do we need a rolling droid that has the same head as R2-D2? It turns out that he had only a small piece of the map to Luke Skywalker. The rest of the map is in the head of R2-D2, who has been sitting in Resistance headquarters for 30 years. No one knew he had the map because someone turned him off and threw a tarp over his head. It reminds me of the Manson case. The LAPD put out an all points bulletin to find the murder gun, but the gun was in the evidence locker at Los Angeles Sheriff's office, only they forgot they had it. So real life stupidity on this level is possible, but it has to be explained in a movie. But no one explains.

Who is the old and very short alien woman who claims to know nothing about the Force, but then proves she knows quite a bit about the Force, including the information that Rae should take the lightsaber that has been sitting in an unlocked box for 30 years. Rae doesn't train to use the lightsaber, but that doesn't matter, in seconds she's chopping down Stormtroopers by the score.

Of course, no Star Wars movie would ever be complete without the catina full of outlaw aliens ("illegal aliens"?). Apprantly, there is no form of lawful employment for an non-human, so all them must resort to a life of crime to survive. They're not even allowed to join the Resistance or the New World Order. The war is still mostly a concern of white human males fighting white human males, with a few token women and aliens to satisfy this galaxy's equivalent of the EEOC.

So basically, it's really hard to follow what's going on. And once you're done watching the movie,you're saying to yourself, what the fuck was that all about? It took three movies to turn Luke Skywalker into a badass Jedi. It took three movies to turn Anakin Skywalker into a badass Sith. But Rae, because she's a girl, uses "girl power" to turn into a badass at every skill, including how to use a lightsaber.

I'm done. I've had it. After the crappy third movie of the original trilogy, and the crappy three movies in the prequel, I was willing to give Star Wars another chance. But no, I must oppose the critics and fans to say this: Star Wars - The Force Awakens has the texture and smell of Bantha shit.

 

[Blackrook]

After hearing Rae complain THREE TIMES about Finn grabbing her hand, WHILE TIE FIGHTERS WERE STRAFING THEM AND BLOWING SHIT UP WITH EXPLOSIONS THEY BARELY GOT AHEAD OF BECAUSE FINN WAS PULLING HER FASTER THAN SHE COULD HAVE RUN BY HERSELF, I figured that Finn should have pulled out a consent form and asked Rae to explicitly consent to him touching Rae on the hand, as they do in American colleges today.

 

[Blackrook]

Do you like the part where the X-wings fly down a trench and blow up the Death Star.

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where the heroes go to a cantina and find a motley crew of underworld characters that are mostly aliens?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where the heroes run around the Death Star, trying to escape?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where Darth Vader kills his mentor in a lightsaber duel?

Good. You will see something very similar in Force Awakens.

Did you like the desert planet Tatooine?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakened, except they changed the name of the planet.

Did you like the cute droids who provide much needed comic relief?

Good. You will see them again in the Force Awakened.

I know what J.J. Abrams is all about, so I sort of expected this would happen.

 

[Arianrhod]

Disney Deal: George Lucas Will Use $4 Billion to Fund Education

 

[AvgGuyIA]

Why is this series of movies shown out of sequence? What's the point? Is Han Solo going to be alive in the next movie? With $4 billion to earn, you know they'll make another one and hype it up. Excitement over this movie is mass hysteria. You're all being played for chumps.

 

[2aguy]

I don't have much time but the biggest crap…..another Freakin death star…again……again I say…..?

So they used Return of the Jedi Solution……and the solution to the first movie death star …..guys on the ground destroying the installation that allows the rest of the ships to make attacks, and then the X-wings go down the channel to blow up the rest of it….but instead of one shot by Luke, the new guy shoots a couple of spots.

And the villain gets beat by the girl in the first movie……when in any dramatic sense it should have been the other way…

And my sister in law pointed out……Kylo Ren should have first revealed his face to his father…instead of revealing it to the girl during the interrogation………dramatic moment weakened cause J.J. Abrams is a bad director…

The one thing he got right…the special effects were really good….

The Yoda character with the glasses was dumb too….and the fight between Finn and the Storm Trooper using the Light Saber…was dumb…..

 

[2aguy]

Disney Deal: George Lucas Will Use $4 Billion to Fund Education

If he is funding public education he should just flush it down the toilet……..it would be used more effectively that way rather than propping up democrat union failure.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

Do you like the part where the X-wings fly down a trench and blow up the Death Star.

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where the heroes go to a cantina and find a motley crew of underworld characters that are mostly aliens?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where the heroes run around the Death Star, trying to escape?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where Darth Vader kills his mentor in a lightsaber duel?

Good. You will see something very similar in Force Awakens.

Did you like the desert planet Tatooine?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakened, except they changed the name of the planet.

Did you like the cute droids who provide much needed comic relief?

Good. You will see them again in the Force Awakened.

I know what J.J. Abrams is all about, so I sort of expected this would happen.

My son said that Force awakens is like getting a new cell phone, it's pretty much like your old phone (Star Wars) except it has better graphics

 

[2aguy]

OK, since Grandma cowardly calls me a liar in an internet forum, I will explain why I didn't reveal everything I know.

I wanted to keep the big secrets to myself, just in case someone wandered into this thread and read my review.

But now that the spoilers have been revealed, I will go in more details.

The entire movie makes no fucking sense.

Why is Finn a stormtrooper in the first place? When they order the stormtroopers to kill the villagers, was this the first time he realized that he was working for the baddies?

How did Rae, who has grown up as a scavenger (equivalent to the job of a homeless person in our galaxy) get so many badass skills as a fencer and a starship pilot?

At the end of the movie, Rae finds Luke Skywalker and offers him the lightsabre, what happens after that?

Well here's the thing, there is nothing Luke can teach Rae about lightsaber dueling, because she is already good enough to stay alive in a duel with a dark side Sith.

And there was nothing Han Solo could teach Rae about flying a space ship, but she was already a hot shot pilot before she met him.

Also, she's already better at mind control than Ben Kenobi. There is no explanation as to why she knew she could do mind control. She just tries it out, and it works.

If this were fan fiction (and maybe that's what this real is) Rae is the Mary Sue character, and though she's new to the team, all the older characters look up to her for her leadership.

And "General" Leia gives Rae a big motherly hug. Why she she hug a girl she has never met before? Again, not explained.

If I had it my way, this movie, and all the Star Wars merchandise, should be thrown in a trash compacter and shot out of the airlock, to wander around the universe and never be seen again.

Anyone want to bet that Kylo and Rae are brother and sister? Any takers on that bet? OR perhaps she is Lukes daughter, since Jedi seem to like to abandon children on desolate, boring planets…...

 

[tigerred59]

Every one in the galaxy, including the Emperor, likes the new Star Wars except me.

And before I begin my review, I thought Lucas was greedy as he made billions selling toys, lunch boxes, games based on Star Wars.

But I was wrong. Disney is so greedy that we must all stand in awe as every commercial on TV ties in with Star Wars: pick-up trucks, cell phones, soup, it doesn't matter what it is, it ties in with Star Wars. This is greed at a level that George Lucas could not match. He sold Star Wars to Disney for $4 billion. Disney will take that much in less than a year, and the rest will be pure profit.

Now, how to begin the review.

I'm sure you've heard that audiences and critics love this movie, with barely any word of dissent. But someone must tell the truth.

The fact is, the new Star Wars sucks.

And that's because everyone wanted a movie that was just like the original, so that's what they did, they made a movie just like the original.

Here is how it goes:

There is a black stormtrooper who defects to the "Resistance" (new name for the Rebellion). He refuses to shoot helpless villagers while the other storm troopers have no problem with it. He is the replacement for Lando Calrissian, just a reminder that not all humans are white in the Star Wars universe. Otherwise, he's clueless about what's going on, or why he's supposed to kill people. This guy would have failed the psych exam in Stormtrooper school.

There is the fighter pilot hot shot, who is the replacement for Luke Skywalker before he met Yoda. we never really get to know about him, because is time on stage is less than five minutes.

The stormtrooper rescues the hot shot pilot, and they somehow escape in a two seat TIE fighter, but not without slaughtering hundreds of stormtroopers in the process.

And that's right, TIE fighters are still used by the Empire (not really the Empire but a group called "The New Order" but I will get to that.

Wait, I skipped something important. Before he is captured the hot shot pilot gives secret plans to a droid and tells him to keep it safe.

And by the way, this is happening on a desert planet, which isn't Tatooine, but looks like it.

Also, there is a girl who somehow has every skill known. If this was fan fiction, she is the Mary Sue. Everyone, even Han Solo, follows her leadership.

Oh, did I mention Han Solo and Chewbacca are in the movie, and the Millenium Falcon?

Didn't want to skip that detail.

By this time in the movie, I realized that this is not a sequel, it is a remake of the first movie.

There was no explanation why, despite the fact that the Empire was destroyed in Episode 6, they are still destroying planets with a weapon that is even more powerful than the two Death Stars.

But after thinking carefully, you realize that all the events in Episode 6 did not really happen. We've got the same Empire fighting with the same Rebellion, but both sides have changed their names. And they haven't even changed the fighters they use, the uniforms, or anything else.

I'm not going to go into details about all the battles and other shit that happens. That's expected in a Star Wars movie. And once again, armies of Stormtroopers are no match for a teenage girl, a Stormtrooper deserter, and an old man and his old Wookie companion. Oh, yeah they have a droid too, only now he's orange and he rolls around on a ball. How the head stays on a rolling ball was not explained. In fact, nothing is explained.

The teenage girl, who's name is Rae I believe, has proven that feminism has changed everything since the original movie was made. She is a Princess Leia replacement, but she is also a Han Solo replacement, and a Luke Skywalker replacement. She doesn't really need help from anyone, and when others try to help her, she gets pissed off. When the black stormtrooper reject grabs her hand to help her run faster from explosions, all she can think about how she doesn't like him to hold her hand. This is very PC, which tells us that we must never touch women unless we get written consent. Or maybe she's a racist.

I'm getting more and more exasperated writing this, because there's still a long way to go to describe how truly shitty this movie is. Of course, that's only my opinion, a lone voice in a chorus of people who like the movie and watch more.

But here's the movie in short: it steals everything that ever happened in the previous six movies.

Cantina full of underworld aliens. Check.

TIE fighters battling X-wing fighters. Check,

A character that sells scrap she finds in the desert. Check.

Ok, that means that she is a Jawa replacement character too.

She fights with a long stick, making her a Sand People replacement character.

And I was bored through all of it, because I knew that whatever the odds, the main characters would survive with only minor wounds.

Except one, but that was predictable too.

And this is the "big secret" of the movie, so I won't talk about it.

But I saw it coming, and in hindsight, it was the only way to get rid of this guy, because otherwise he is hogging the spot light from the new characters, especially Rae.

Remember all the hype about the female stormtrooper in a metal outfit. She doesn't do shit and I wonder why they even put her in the movie. Maybe she was a token character for the bad guys, proving that the Empire also follows PC rules that women are now allowed in combat.

I won't even tell you how the big planet smashing weapon is destroyed. That's because you have already seen it twice before. The SAME DAMN THING EVERY TIME.

Did Disney ever do anything that was original in this movie. No, because Disney plays it safe. They want to make billions on the merchandise, and they're not going to risk it on a movie that isn't totally like the previous 6 movies.

The only character that I can understand is "General" Leia. She's old, she's tired, she's worn out. Apparently, she's been fighting the same war for 30 years, and there's been no progress in all that time. It's like our war in Afghanistan and Iraq. There is no end, because when the Empire is destroyed, a newer group pops up that is even more evil than the Empire, or even worse.

The old Empire killed Jawas and Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru for a reason, to cover their tracks while looking for the droids. When Grand Moff Tarkin destroyed Alderaan, they had a reason, which was to try to get Leia to disclose the hidden Rebel base.

The new Empire kills just for the hell of it, slaughtering villagers and blowing up planets for no reason. They are like ISIS, and there's no point in trying to negotiate with them.

The movie ends in a predictable way. I won't spoil this "secret" either. Let's just say that it is a good intro into the next movie, letting audiences know that Star Wars will never, ever, ever, ever end.

Saw it last night...it was brilliant....best of the best!!

 

[2aguy]

Every one in the galaxy, including the Emperor, likes the new Star Wars except me.

And before I begin my review, I thought Lucas was greedy as he made billions selling toys, lunch boxes, games based on Star Wars.

But I was wrong. Disney is so greedy that we must all stand in awe as every commercial on TV ties in with Star Wars: pick-up trucks, cell phones, soup, it doesn't matter what it is, it ties in with Star Wars. This is greed at a level that George Lucas could not match. He sold Star Wars to Disney for $4 billion. Disney will take that much in less than a year, and the rest will be pure profit.

Now, how to begin the review.

I'm sure you've heard that audiences and critics love this movie, with barely any word of dissent. But someone must tell the truth.

The fact is, the new Star Wars sucks.

And that's because everyone wanted a movie that was just like the original, so that's what they did, they made a movie just like the original.

Here is how it goes:

There is a black stormtrooper who defects to the "Resistance" (new name for the Rebellion). He refuses to shoot helpless villagers while the other storm troopers have no problem with it. He is the replacement for Lando Calrissian, just a reminder that not all humans are white in the Star Wars universe. Otherwise, he's clueless about what's going on, or why he's supposed to kill people. This guy would have failed the psych exam in Stormtrooper school.

There is the fighter pilot hot shot, who is the replacement for Luke Skywalker before he met Yoda. we never really get to know about him, because is time on stage is less than five minutes.

The stormtrooper rescues the hot shot pilot, and they somehow escape in a two seat TIE fighter, but not without slaughtering hundreds of stormtroopers in the process.

And that's right, TIE fighters are still used by the Empire (not really the Empire but a group called "The New Order" but I will get to that.

Wait, I skipped something important. Before he is captured the hot shot pilot gives secret plans to a droid and tells him to keep it safe.

And by the way, this is happening on a desert planet, which isn't Tatooine, but looks like it.

Also, there is a girl who somehow has every skill known. If this was fan fiction, she is the Mary Sue. Everyone, even Han Solo, follows her leadership.

Oh, did I mention Han Solo and Chewbacca are in the movie, and the Millenium Falcon?

Didn't want to skip that detail.

By this time in the movie, I realized that this is not a sequel, it is a remake of the first movie.

There was no explanation why, despite the fact that the Empire was destroyed in Episode 6, they are still destroying planets with a weapon that is even more powerful than the two Death Stars.

But after thinking carefully, you realize that all the events in Episode 6 did not really happen. We've got the same Empire fighting with the same Rebellion, but both sides have changed their names. And they haven't even changed the fighters they use, the uniforms, or anything else.

I'm not going to go into details about all the battles and other shit that happens. That's expected in a Star Wars movie. And once again, armies of Stormtroopers are no match for a teenage girl, a Stormtrooper deserter, and an old man and his old Wookie companion. Oh, yeah they have a droid too, only now he's orange and he rolls around on a ball. How the head stays on a rolling ball was not explained. In fact, nothing is explained.

The teenage girl, who's name is Rae I believe, has proven that feminism has changed everything since the original movie was made. She is a Princess Leia replacement, but she is also a Han Solo replacement, and a Luke Skywalker replacement. She doesn't really need help from anyone, and when others try to help her, she gets pissed off. When the black stormtrooper reject grabs her hand to help her run faster from explosions, all she can think about how she doesn't like him to hold her hand. This is very PC, which tells us that we must never touch women unless we get written consent. Or maybe she's a racist.

I'm getting more and more exasperated writing this, because there's still a long way to go to describe how truly shitty this movie is. Of course, that's only my opinion, a lone voice in a chorus of people who like the movie and watch more.

But here's the movie in short: it steals everything that ever happened in the previous six movies.

Cantina full of underworld aliens. Check.

TIE fighters battling X-wing fighters. Check,

A character that sells scrap she finds in the desert. Check.

Ok, that means that she is a Jawa replacement character too.

She fights with a long stick, making her a Sand People replacement character.

And I was bored through all of it, because I knew that whatever the odds, the main characters would survive with only minor wounds.

Except one, but that was predictable too.

And this is the "big secret" of the movie, so I won't talk about it.

But I saw it coming, and in hindsight, it was the only way to get rid of this guy, because otherwise he is hogging the spot light from the new characters, especially Rae.

Remember all the hype about the female stormtrooper in a metal outfit. She doesn't do shit and I wonder why they even put her in the movie. Maybe she was a token character for the bad guys, proving that the Empire also follows PC rules that women are now allowed in combat.

I won't even tell you how the big planet smashing weapon is destroyed. That's because you have already seen it twice before. The SAME DAMN THING EVERY TIME.

Did Disney ever do anything that was original in this movie. No, because Disney plays it safe. They want to make billions on the merchandise, and they're not going to risk it on a movie that isn't totally like the previous 6 movies.

The only character that I can understand is "General" Leia. She's old, she's tired, she's worn out. Apparently, she's been fighting the same war for 30 years, and there's been no progress in all that time. It's like our war in Afghanistan and Iraq. There is no end, because when the Empire is destroyed, a newer group pops up that is even more evil than the Empire, or even worse.

The old Empire killed Jawas and Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru for a reason, to cover their tracks while looking for the droids. When Grand Moff Tarkin destroyed Alderaan, they had a reason, which was to try to get Leia to disclose the hidden Rebel base.

The new Empire kills just for the hell of it, slaughtering villagers and blowing up planets for no reason. They are like ISIS, and there's no point in trying to negotiate with them.

The movie ends in a predictable way. I won't spoil this "secret" either. Let's just say that it is a good intro into the next movie, letting audiences know that Star Wars will never, ever, ever, ever end.

Very funny review. Your PC talk is complete bullshit though.

A fix for your review: The Empires is defeated and there is a new Republic. The First Order is remnants of the Empire, sure, but they are supposed to be the Sith more than the Empire. It hasn't really been revealed how the Resistance is related to the Republic yet, besides that apparently they are allies.

I wish they'd used Captain Phasma more after all the hype.

I wish the story had been more different than episode 4, but it was fantastic to see a competently made Star Wars movie again after the prequel disasters.

And how can you complain about X-Wings fighting Tie Fighters?!! You crazy???

I wish they'd used Captain Phasma more after all the hype.

Captain Phasma was the new Bobba Fett…….you see the character in the trailers, looks really cool in the armor, you expect a whole bunch of the character…..and then it is a giant nothing…….she is easily captured, does nothing exciting except walk around….and then disappears…….

Bobba Fett…

The problem with your The Empire is Defeated….in the first movie it was just assumed the Empire was the standing order…….didn't need much explanation…this movie we know the empire was decapitated with the loss of the Emperor…so we need to know why Leia is still operating from remote bases as a rebel………instead of part of a new government …..

What this movie was……a remake of the first movie…..But the didn't want to say it was a remake…...

 

[2aguy]

OK, since Grandma cowardly calls me a liar in an internet forum, I will explain why I didn't reveal everything I know.

I wanted to keep the big secrets to myself, just in case someone wandered into this thread and read my review.

But now that the spoilers have been revealed, I will go in more details.

The entire movie makes no fucking sense.

Why is Finn a stormtrooper in the first place? When they order the stormtroopers to kill the villagers, was this the first time he realized that he was working for the baddies?

How did Rae, who has grown up as a scavenger (equivalent to the job of a homeless person in our galaxy) get so many badass skills as a fencer and a starship pilot?

At the end of the movie, Rae finds Luke Skywalker and offers him the lightsabre, what happens after that?

Well here's the thing, there is nothing Luke can teach Rae about lightsaber dueling, because she is already good enough to stay alive in a duel with a dark side Sith.

And there was nothing Han Solo could teach Rae about flying a space ship, but she was already a hot shot pilot before she met him.

Also, she's already better at mind control than Ben Kenobi. There is no explanation as to why she knew she could do mind control. She just tries it out, and it works.

If this were fan fiction (and maybe that's what this real is) Rae is the Mary Sue character, and though she's new to the team, all the older characters look up to her for her leadership.

And "General" Leia gives Rae a big motherly hug. Why she she hug a girl she has never met before? Again, not explained.

If I had it my way, this movie, and all the Star Wars merchandise, should be thrown in a trash compacter and shot out of the airlock, to wander around the universe and never be seen again.

Also, she's already better at mind control than Ben Kenobi. There is no explanation as to why she knew she could do mind control. She just tries it out, and it works.

Exactly…..she is on the most remote planets you can find…and the legends of the Jedi are legends of legends because Obi Wan was the last one, and Luke his only half trained pupil…..yet she just knows how to do the jedi stuff………

What I can't wait for is that one group who does the "Honest Trailers" where they tell the truth about the movie in the trailer……if you haven't seen them they are hysterical…..when they do this one it will hit all of these points...

 

[2aguy]

Do you like the part where the X-wings fly down a trench and blow up the Death Star.

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where the heroes go to a cantina and find a motley crew of underworld characters that are mostly aliens?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where the heroes run around the Death Star, trying to escape?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakens.

Did you like the part where Darth Vader kills his mentor in a lightsaber duel?

Good. You will see something very similar in Force Awakens.

Did you like the desert planet Tatooine?

Good. You will see it again in Force Awakened, except they changed the name of the planet.

Did you like the cute droids who provide much needed comic relief?

Good. You will see them again in the Force Awakened.

I know what J.J. Abrams is all about, so I sort of expected this would happen.

Do you like the part where Han is in debt to a gangster and has to make a quick score or he is a dead man…only this time he is in trouble with two groups of gangsters, not one…..so twice the fun…….if it wasn't so dumb…….

 

[2aguy]

Sorry….hearing feminine voices from Storm Trooper helmets……not impressive, or threatening…...

 

[2aguy]

Kylo Renn……is Darth Maul…….Darth Mual had the makings of an awesome villain…..and then Lucas killed him off in the first movie ruining any villain continuity for the next two movies…..Kylo Renn……is already a wimp…………..you don't make that up in the next movies…….his rep is ruined, once people get over the high of the Star Wars movie release……

He should have been beating the crap out of Rae….and then she escapes….and then, in the last movie she wins………now where is the build up….the emotion is ruined…

These new film makers couldn't tell a story to save the rebellion…..

 

[Skylar]

Saw it over the weekend. Great movie! I really enjoyed it.

 

[TheOldSchool]

Man 2aguy can find a reason to be butthurt about anything

 

[Skylar]

Man 2aguy can find a reason to be butthurt about anything

Some folks are just naturally contrary. Or think too much.

Most others just went and watched the film while munching on popcorn. It was a lot of fun!