So..what's on the Thanksgiving Menu?

[Gracie]

Same o same o here. Small turkey, fried green beans, mashed taters and giblet gravy, whipped sweet taters with marshmellows, pumpkin pie. Unless I can talk hubby into just two cornish hens, lol.

And you?

 

[Gracie]

And, a nice Thanksgiving post from someone on Craigslist just to lighten the mood:

Re: Fuck you Thanksgiving

Dear Fellow Craigslisters,
I cannot make it to the family Thanksgiving meal this year for work reasons. Rather than eat a turkey sandwich from Boston Market I've decided to re-create a traditional Holiday meal. (Without the actual cooking. There will be drinks though.) I invite you to audition for one of the following roles or create your own and submit.
1. Father- Must be intoxicated well before the meal begins and begin unbuttoning the pants around meal time. You may be sans pants by dessert
2. Mother- Obsessive-compulsives are encouraged to apply. Ability to cry randomly due to such things as the color of the cranberries or your son being a jackass is a plus.
3. DrunkUncle- Creepy, jobless, and completely fucked on various hard liquors. Looking for plumper men with the uncanny knack for saying the wrong thing to other family members and then falling asleep by the mailbox.
4. Cousin #1- Completely silent. Has been so since 1996.
5. Cousin #2- Attends Ivy League Medical/Law/Business school. Must be clearly embarassed of family and have important people to call on the cell during dinner.
6. Cousin #3- Felon.
7. Cousin #4- On 3rd Marriage with 2 kids and 2 stepkids.
8. Cousin #4's Wife- ****.
9. P.I.G.- Person Invited by Guilt. Could be a lonely office rat or the neighbor who stands outside the window staring inside and looking morose. Very helpful if you look like a loner and have no social skills. Laugh loudly at family jokes and dispense advice to children. Come very overdressed and have a bottle of something disgusting. Cry in the bathroom.
The night will culminate with a round table discussion of what we're thankful for. Funniest response wins all the leftovers and the ability to supress such memories. Past winners include: 'My corns are gone!' and 'My ability to fly'
I am looking forward to the auditions. I would like to say in advance that the selection will be very tough and while all of you are qualified I had to go with my gut. We will be putting on a Christmas production as well. Good Luck.

 

[Gracie]

How to cook a fucking turkey:

Go to the goddamn grocery and get the fucking bird. Yes, the grocery. A little ammonia is not going to kill you, you pussy. You want to be all fancy and grain-fed and environmentally conscious, go ahead, I don’t give a shit, just get a fucking bird. Butterball is good. And, yes, thermometer in. Schmuck. Take the bird home. Get a bigass roasting pan and put the shit in the oven, cranking the heat up as far as that fucker will go but not for long, idiot. Take a shitload of salt—rocksalt, you dumb motherfucker, none of that fine-grained crap here—and toss it around the bottom of the pan and in the asshole of the bird, asshole. When the pan is hot as all fuck—it should scorch the shit out of your finger if you’re stupid enough to touch it—put the fucking bird in there. You can crack some pepper on the top of the bird, but don’t even talk to me about garlic or onion powder or COMPOUND FUCKING BUTTER, asshole. This is a turkey, all you fucking need is salt and pepper. After a bit, flip some foil over or some such shit and sit on your ass and wait for your motherfucking bird to be ready, you useless assbag. When you’re done, sling that shit on a plate. Also, make some fucking potatoes, because that’s what you eat with a fucking turkey. God, sometimes I just want to smack the shit out of you.

Found on the net and some wording rearranged.

 

[April]

 

[Kondor3]

The usual fare: Turkey, mashed taters, sweet-taters baked in butter, honey and brown sugar, pork-sausage -laden turkey-stuffing (dressing), corn, broccoli-and-cheese casserole, cranberry sauce, corn-muffins, wine and soft drinks and coffee, followed by the usual pumpkin and apple and cherry pies, and, maybe, a drop of brandy, after the tryptophan effect eases off and it grows dark and the fireplace catches good-and-proper, to close-out a good day with family and friends.

 

[Grandma]

Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes & gravy, sweet potatoes, cranberries, green beans, corn, hot rolls, stuffing, apple pie, pumpkin pie, some other kind of pie, with whipped cream +/or vanilla ice cream. Coffee, tea, cream soda, cola, blue Gatorade.

 

[April]

We're having gruel with stale bread.

 

[Grandma]

We're having gruel with stale bread.

You could throw a piece of lamb in the gruel and call it mutton stew, and tear up the bread and add in some celery pieces and a bit of onion and call it stuffing...

 

[Disir]

I'm over Thanksgiving. It's a pain in the ass.