Lysistrata
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- Oct 11, 2017
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Vice-President Mike Pence has started wearing a mask after Anthony Fauci told him that it will protect him from women, Fauci has confirmed.After seeing video of a maskless Pence touring the Mayo Clinic, on Tuesday, Fauci said, “I knew I had to come up with something fast” to get through to Pence.Fauci immediately got on the phone with the Vice-President and informed him that “clinical research” had demonstrated that a mask is “an effective female-repellent.”“I told him that wearing a mask would protect him from 99.99 per cent of all women,” Fauci said. “He seemed very impressed.”In an official statement, the Vice-President thanked Fauci for his excellent advice and indicated that he would start wearing a mask at all times, including at home.
Pence Starts Wearing Mask After Fauci Says It Will Protect Him from Women
After seeing video of a maskless Pence touring the Mayo Clinic, on Tuesday, Fauci said, “I knew I had to come up with something fast.”www.newyorker.com
Especially when he gets into an elevator and he becomes trapped with a strange woman. The mask will protect him from the woman's pheromones so he won't be tempted to not keep his hands to himself.
The problem with his wearing a mask is that it will make it more difficult to exercise his right to sniff women's crotches.