- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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Here's a fun modernism heist story inspired by new age films exploring our ironic sociocultural fascination with an emergent 'deformed' aesthetic. Thanks for reading (and enjoy!),
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Balducci's NY Savings Bank was a very handsome building, but it was about to be robbed by a very eccentric team of thieves, all of them in masks. This was a modern-day story. This would surpass stories of recent robberies such as the $100 million heist in England. Just watch.
The robbers were one male and three females in masks. These were skilled thieves with a tight agenda. They wanted to create the ideal robbery to create a new sense of anti-capitalism rebelliousness folklore. They were fans of movies like The Strangers and The Bank Job. The masked thieves arrived in a vintage NY cab.
The leader of the quartet was the Scarecrow. This guy was the mastermind. Scarecrow planted four metal silencer-pistols in the bank building's bathroom ventilation duct the night before the robbery by digging a tunnel underground and placing the weapons there for the heist the following day. While Scarecrow was not a chessmaster, he was a dastardly pirate. He looked strange as well.
The three women accompanying the Scarecrow were three beauties in animal-masks. They remain nameless for this story. They arrived with Scarecrow in the vintage NY cab to the Balducci's bank building on the day of the heist. The three women lived with Scarecrow in a vineyard in New England and trekked to NY with him for this heist!
SCARECROW: "The gun, four silencer-pistols, I've placed in the Balducci's bathroom ventilation duct are perfect. I'll walk into the bathroom with my briefcase and walk out with the guns and hand them to my accomplices. We'll be walking into the bank in our masks, claiming we're from a New York theater group preparing for an important performance after having recently moved into the city and seeking to open a joint account together at Balducci's!"
Now, the inside of Balducci's NY Savings Bank is nothing short of a miracle. It really looks like a cathedral. However, there are computerized security systems and alarms. The vaults have combo-locks on them. Scarecrow disarmed the computerized alarm the night before by inserting a shut-off program chip which he could control with his circuit-board, which he did as the NY can drove up to Balducci's.
When the masked female accomplices, now armed with their silencer-handguns, announced they were robbing the bank, Scarecrow had already held up one of the security guards, ordering him to command the other guards to drop their guns and lay down on the floor, lest he shoot the hostage-guard in the foot! The guard obeyed, and the three masked women stood outside the vault for crowd-control, with one standing above the guards, and one standing at the door to hold up anyone entering, and one scouring the sitting members inside the bank with her gun. Scarecrow was taken to the vault with the hostage-guard and the bank manager.
The masked weirdos walked out of the NY Savings Bank with $50 million in cash. They had the waiting NY cab drive them to the bus-station where they hopped onto a transport to JFK Airport. En-route, they stopped at an online banking center to deposit their cash into a private Swiss acount in Europe. The thieves boarded an Aeroflot economy class flight to a remote island where they retired with their money. The Times called the heist a modern-day freakshow.
HOWARD HUGHES: "The greatest threat to the federalized system of national banking in the United States is the pseudo-terrorist air of ambitious and insane bank robbers who continue to require us to constantly reinvent our systems of cash vault monitoring while our country continues to build its proud totems of great institutional dollars!"
Ironically, at the time, New York youngsters were enjoying playing a very popular new bank-robbery themed video-game released by a lucrative software company based in D.C. This bank-robbery video-game ironically reflected a modern populist fascination with neo-era storytelling regarding the social 'angst' towards general federalism diaries.
SCARECROW: "In my humble opinion, this New York heist merely proves that new thieves are joyed by detective dance!"
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
0000
====
Balducci's NY Savings Bank was a very handsome building, but it was about to be robbed by a very eccentric team of thieves, all of them in masks. This was a modern-day story. This would surpass stories of recent robberies such as the $100 million heist in England. Just watch.
The robbers were one male and three females in masks. These were skilled thieves with a tight agenda. They wanted to create the ideal robbery to create a new sense of anti-capitalism rebelliousness folklore. They were fans of movies like The Strangers and The Bank Job. The masked thieves arrived in a vintage NY cab.
The leader of the quartet was the Scarecrow. This guy was the mastermind. Scarecrow planted four metal silencer-pistols in the bank building's bathroom ventilation duct the night before the robbery by digging a tunnel underground and placing the weapons there for the heist the following day. While Scarecrow was not a chessmaster, he was a dastardly pirate. He looked strange as well.
The three women accompanying the Scarecrow were three beauties in animal-masks. They remain nameless for this story. They arrived with Scarecrow in the vintage NY cab to the Balducci's bank building on the day of the heist. The three women lived with Scarecrow in a vineyard in New England and trekked to NY with him for this heist!
SCARECROW: "The gun, four silencer-pistols, I've placed in the Balducci's bathroom ventilation duct are perfect. I'll walk into the bathroom with my briefcase and walk out with the guns and hand them to my accomplices. We'll be walking into the bank in our masks, claiming we're from a New York theater group preparing for an important performance after having recently moved into the city and seeking to open a joint account together at Balducci's!"
Now, the inside of Balducci's NY Savings Bank is nothing short of a miracle. It really looks like a cathedral. However, there are computerized security systems and alarms. The vaults have combo-locks on them. Scarecrow disarmed the computerized alarm the night before by inserting a shut-off program chip which he could control with his circuit-board, which he did as the NY can drove up to Balducci's.
When the masked female accomplices, now armed with their silencer-handguns, announced they were robbing the bank, Scarecrow had already held up one of the security guards, ordering him to command the other guards to drop their guns and lay down on the floor, lest he shoot the hostage-guard in the foot! The guard obeyed, and the three masked women stood outside the vault for crowd-control, with one standing above the guards, and one standing at the door to hold up anyone entering, and one scouring the sitting members inside the bank with her gun. Scarecrow was taken to the vault with the hostage-guard and the bank manager.
The masked weirdos walked out of the NY Savings Bank with $50 million in cash. They had the waiting NY cab drive them to the bus-station where they hopped onto a transport to JFK Airport. En-route, they stopped at an online banking center to deposit their cash into a private Swiss acount in Europe. The thieves boarded an Aeroflot economy class flight to a remote island where they retired with their money. The Times called the heist a modern-day freakshow.
HOWARD HUGHES: "The greatest threat to the federalized system of national banking in the United States is the pseudo-terrorist air of ambitious and insane bank robbers who continue to require us to constantly reinvent our systems of cash vault monitoring while our country continues to build its proud totems of great institutional dollars!"
Ironically, at the time, New York youngsters were enjoying playing a very popular new bank-robbery themed video-game released by a lucrative software company based in D.C. This bank-robbery video-game ironically reflected a modern populist fascination with neo-era storytelling regarding the social 'angst' towards general federalism diaries.
SCARECROW: "In my humble opinion, this New York heist merely proves that new thieves are joyed by detective dance!"
====
"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
