Dabs
~Unpredictable~
THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN RECENTLY MOVED TO THE SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS
'OUR FIRST WINTER '
DEC 20TH
It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've
seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch
watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and
covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.
DEC 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow
covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and
bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first
time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that
day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with
compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back
and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with
coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple
just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their
fun.
DEC 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature
dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes
snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again.
Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of
the snow is now a brownish - grey.
JAN 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon
became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both
our cars £500. Fell on my arse in the driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing
was broken.
JAN 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to
work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing -
£2000 . Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. Both vehicles are
covered in salt and iced up slush . That bastard snowplough came by twice
today. Where's that bloody shovel.
JAN 9th
More fucking snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't
been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing
to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly
torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree
burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and eyelashes. Car hit a fucking
deer on the way to casualty and was written off.
JAN 13th
Fucking bastard white shite just keeps on coming down. Have to put
on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little *****
next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that
carrot so far up the little pricks arse it'll take a good surgeon 6 hours
to find it. If I ever catch that fuckpig that drives the snowplough I'll
chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bastard
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he
accelerates down the street like Michael 'fucking' Schumacher and buries the
fucking driveway again.
JAN 17th
16 more sodding inches of fucking snow and fucking ice and fucking
sleet and god knows what other white shite fell last night. I am in court in
3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice - pick.
Can't move my fucking toes or my twatting fingers. Haven't seen the sun for
5 bastard weeks. Minus 20 and more fucking snow forecast.
FUCK THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON !!
'OUR FIRST WINTER '
DEC 20TH
It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've
seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch
watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and
covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.
DEC 24th
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow
covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and
bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first
time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that
day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with
compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back
and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with
coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple
just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their
fun.
DEC 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature
dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes
snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again.
Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of
the snow is now a brownish - grey.
JAN 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon
became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both
our cars £500. Fell on my arse in the driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing
was broken.
JAN 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to
work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing -
£2000 . Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. Both vehicles are
covered in salt and iced up slush . That bastard snowplough came by twice
today. Where's that bloody shovel.
JAN 9th
More fucking snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't
been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing
to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly
torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree
burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and eyelashes. Car hit a fucking
deer on the way to casualty and was written off.
JAN 13th
Fucking bastard white shite just keeps on coming down. Have to put
on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little *****
next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that
carrot so far up the little pricks arse it'll take a good surgeon 6 hours
to find it. If I ever catch that fuckpig that drives the snowplough I'll
chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bastard
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he
accelerates down the street like Michael 'fucking' Schumacher and buries the
fucking driveway again.
JAN 17th
16 more sodding inches of fucking snow and fucking ice and fucking
sleet and god knows what other white shite fell last night. I am in court in
3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice - pick.
Can't move my fucking toes or my twatting fingers. Haven't seen the sun for
5 bastard weeks. Minus 20 and more fucking snow forecast.
FUCK THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON !!
