Military Rules

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Bootneck, Dec 5, 2010.

  1. Bootneck
    Offline

    Bootneck Diamond Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2008
    Messages:
    3,576
    Thanks Received:
    2,972
    Trophy Points:
    2,050
    Location:
    England
    Ratings:
    +4,172
    Royal Marine Rules:
    1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
    2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
    3. Have a plan.
    4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
    5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet, even your friends.
    6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
    7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
    8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
    9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
    10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
    11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
    12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
    13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

    SBS Rules:
    1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
    2. Kill every living thing within view.
    3. Adjust speedo.
    4. Check hair in mirror.

    SAS Rules:
    1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
    2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
    3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
    4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

    Army Rules:
    1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
    2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
    3. Curse bitterly.
    4. Curse bitterly.
    5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
    6. Curse bitterly.

    RAF Rules:
    1. Have a cocktail.
    2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
    3. See what's on TV.
    4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
    5. Request more funding from Government with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
    6. Wine & dine 'key' MPs, invite MOD & defense industry executives.
    7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
    8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
    9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
    10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

    Royal Navy Rules:
    1. Go to Sea.
    2. Drink Coffee.
    3. Deploy Marines
     
    • Thank You! Thank You! x 3
  2. Colin
    Offline

    Colin Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2009
    Messages:
    6,320
    Thanks Received:
    2,659
    Trophy Points:
    168
    Location:
    England
    Ratings:
    +2,660
    You forgot some!

    PARA Rules
    1. Arrive before everybody else.
    2. Wave goodbye to RAF.
    3. Take maps away from officers.
    4. Fix bayonets.
    5. Do job.
    6. Find lager, hot woman or hot woman’s mum.
    7. Return to base and parade for medal handout to RAF.
    8. Go to 6.

    :cool:
     
  3. Big Black Dog
    Offline

    Big Black Dog Gold Member Supporting Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2009
    Messages:
    22,909
    Thanks Received:
    5,107
    Trophy Points:
    260
    Ratings:
    +5,707
    You should come to America and be our Secretary of Defense. Seems like you have laid down the perfect military list of general orders.
     
  4. editec
    Offline

    editec Mr. Forgot-it-All

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2008
    Messages:
    41,427
    Thanks Received:
    5,598
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Maine
    Ratings:
    +5,617
    Editec Rule 1

    Stuff happens. Plan accordingly.

    Editec Rule 2

    When (not if) your best laid plans go arye, try something else.

    Editec Rule 3

    When aformentioned "something else" doesn't work, see Editec Rule 1.

    Editec Rule 4

    Repeat rules 1 through 3 as needed.

    Editec Rule 5

    Sooner or later nothing you plan can possible make any difference. Tell GOD your plans. Not that it will help, of course, but GOD needs a good laugh every once in a while, too.
     

Share This Page