Medical insurance explained

Discussion in 'Humor' started by Merlin1047, Aug 21, 2004.

  1. Merlin1047

    Merlin1047 Senior Member

    Mar 28, 2004
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    Q. What does HMO stand for?

    A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back
    to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a
    patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked
    hard enough in the eyes.

    Q. I just signed up for Medical Insurance. How difficult will it be to
    choose the doctor I want?

    A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer
    will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These
    doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer
    accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
    Participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is
    still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's
    drive away, and a diploma from a Third World country.

    Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

    A. No. Only those you need.

    Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

    A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

    Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
    A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

    Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I
    tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I

    A. Poke yourself in the eye.

    Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

    A. You really shouldn't do that.

    Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
    my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant
    right in his office?

    A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

    Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

    A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

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