Man rules.. Women, read and learn.

Discussion in 'Humor' started by DKSuddeth, Mar 18, 2004.

  1. DKSuddeth
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    DKSuddeth Senior Member

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    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    4. Crying is blackmail.

    5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

    21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    22. You have enough clothes.

    23. You have too many shoes.

    24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
     
  2. jon_forward
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    jon_forward Active Member

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    :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
     
  3. lilcountriegal
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    lilcountriegal Senior Member

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    :rolleyes:
     
  4. jon_forward
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    jon_forward Active Member

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    very well said lil.....:D
     
  5. KLSuddeth
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    KLSuddeth Guest

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    In response to your sweet little list, dear one, I say the following:
    :bsflag:

    and.................

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    *think not sweetheart - here is the proof....go into our bathroom now - is the seat up or down? Point proven.
    thank you - good nite.

    2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    *pfffffffffffffft
    Shopping - let it be
    NEXT

    3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    *refer to 2

    4. Crying is blackmail.

    * No shit....and youre JUST finding this out and/or realizing it? It may be rotten of me to do it, but its stupid of you to fall for it

    5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    *hell, and asking does? shall I give examples or shall I be nice?

    6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    *if that were the case then you would answer in the readers digest form and not give ME a 30 minute answer to a 2 minute question......
    NEXT

    7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    *ppfffffft - I can solve my own stuff - and most CERTAINLY do not want pity - thankyouverymuch (heeheehee)

    8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    *ya think?

    9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    *Talk to the paw <insert spite purr here>

    10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    *If I wanted one of those wuss's then I wouldnt be married to you (awwwwww how sweet)

    11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    *I cant think of a good come back for this one yet - check back later

    12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    *ever heard the term 'you obviously cant find yourself out of a paperbag?' I think it applies here to the one of us who is MALE

    13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    * If I wanted to do it, I would. I want YOU to do it AND I want it done right. Yes, I know its an oxymoron, but miracles DO happen!

    14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    *I talk to you during the show for no other reason than I know it pisses you off and dont you know that is the single reason for my being???

    15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    *oh hell, I could so give references on your need for directions...
    so all I can say here is.......DISMISSED

    16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    *Bullshit

    17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    *heh - I will be nice

    18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    *when I say nothing, I expect you to leave it at that. why dont you?

    19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    *goes both ways, sugar

    21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

    *ya think? we'll see if thats true this weekend

    21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    *with you??? yeah right - change that to IT, politics and bush and then youre on the right track

    22. You have enough clothes.
    *think not

    23. You have too many shoes.
    *oh HELL no

    24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    *doesnt apply - DK has the metabolism of a 17 year old and yes, I hate him very much for it

    25. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping

    *so if you dont mind it, then quit bitching about your back hurting, old man
    :banana: :funnyface

    And last but never least, ESPECIALLY for YOU, Duane....
    "put one of those fingers on EACH hand up" :finger3:


    Love ya! :p:

    SMOOOOOOOCH!
     
  6. lilcountriegal
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    lilcountriegal Senior Member

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    :clap:
     
  7. MtnBiker
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    MtnBiker Senior Member

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    :teeth: Very good, you speak the truth.
     
  8. Johnney
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    Johnney Senior Member

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    not even close!
     
  9. KLSuddeth
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    KLSuddeth Guest

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    :banana:
     
  10. Moi
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    Moi Active Member

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    That was funny!
     

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