Living Together vs. Marriage

[Bonzi]

What are your thoughts?

Do you think it's best to live with someone before getting married?
Aside from religious reasons, can you see any reason to NOT live with someone before marriage?

 

[Auld Phart]

Poor way of phrasing it, but why buy the cow if it dont' give milk.

Nothing like living together to find out if you're compatible

 

[BULLDOG]

If she is going to turn bat shit crazy, it's better that she has a chance for it to happen before marriage.

 

[strollingbones]

seems everyone is doing it...including my grown ass son.....i dont approve....yes i am a total hypocrite..thank you

 

[Bonzi]

seems everyone is doing it...including my grown ass son.....i dont approve....yes i am a total hypocrite..thank you

I don't call people hypocrites, because, everyone is in some way - and, also, people are not machines... we fluctuate and we are emotional - thanks for being candid and sincere.....

 

[strollingbones]

what can i say....i objected...no one....i mean no one cared....son told me it was an informative statement not a question....

 

[Bonzi]

I'm going to leave Christianity out of this for a moment..... I think it speaks for itself that many (but not all) Christian's feel you should only live together and/or have sex after marriage (ala Tim Tebow)... we know this.....

That said, I lived with a few men - never married and probably a good thing. So, I think it's a good way to gauge if you are compatible.

However, I also married a man I don't really think I'm entirely compatible with so - ?

I honestly think that you should marry someone you grew up with - I think I read an article somewhere that it says you have the bed odds for success that way. Or marry the only person you have had sex with. I do wish I had done that...... he was very compatible with me (our personalities) and all the other areas were good. I was just too young and dumb to realize it.....

 

[Iceweasel]

I'm not a fan of marriage. Seems to change people when you are tethered financially and morally like it was a corporate merger. You should be with someone because you want to, not because you have to. I can see why women would prefer it though.

 

[Bonzi]

what can i say....i objected...no one....i mean no one cared....son told me it was an informative statement not a question....

I'm no sure of your reasons for being against it... not that it matters, I'm sure you want what is best for him.....
But, if you are not sure it's going to work for them, better that then get married and possibly have to go though a messy/ugly divorce....

 

[Bonzi]

I'm not a fan of marriage. Seems to change people when you are tethered financially and morally like it was a corporate merger. You should be with someone because you want to, not because you have to. I can see why women would prefer it though.

I actually prefer NOT to be married.
Like you say, why feel "trapped" - I mean, if you meet your soulmate and there are no doubts, that's one thing.
But things happen, and, unless you are doing it for tax advantages, it's quite a nightmare to go through a divorce, especially if one person doesn't want to.... (like War of the Roses) ....

I have never had to go through a divorce (fortunately) - and I don't think I ever will......

 

[BULLDOG]

I'm not a fan of marriage. Seems to change people when you are tethered financially and morally like it was a corporate merger. You should be with someone because you want to, not because you have to. I can see why women would prefer it though.

Marriage is a legal binding contract.

 

[strollingbones]

and the fucking leading cause of divorce

 

[Bonzi]

I'm not a fan of marriage. Seems to change people when you are tethered financially and morally like it was a corporate merger. You should be with someone because you want to, not because you have to. I can see why women would prefer it though.

I change - but not because I wanted to. Hubby felt I should be more like a "normal" wife. I would love to be the crazy, wild thing he married, but.... I had to adapt to make things work....

 

[mdk]

We lived together for 11 years before we got hitched. It would have been way earlier if circumstances permitted but it every couple should live together before they marry.

 

[strollingbones]

i have a lot of issues with them living together...he moves 10 minutes from work to about 45 minutes from work...doesnt seem to bother him however....he gave up his place to move in with her at her place.....giving her the upper hand...he said someone always has the upper hand....did i mention playing whip noises at him....not when she is with him but when he alone....she is bossy and controlling that is my job

 

[Bonzi]

We lived together for 11 years before we got hitched. It would have been way earlier if circumstances permitted but it every couple should live together before they marry.

Did you marry for the commitment, the advantages (tax etc.) or all of the mentioned (and more...)?
Any plans for kids or do you already have any?

 

[Bonzi]

i have a lot of issues with them living together...he moves 10 minutes from work to about 45 minutes from work...doesnt seem to bother him however....he gave up his place to move in with her at her place.....giving her the upper hand...he said someone always has the upper hand....did i mention playing whip noises at him....not when she is with him but when he alone....she is bossy and controlling that is my job

oh it's jealous huh? No, I understand. My youngest married a very strong women. But he does need it.
He's a great guy, but needs someone to organize his life. I'm very happy for him (but they got married and never lived together....)

 

[BULLDOG]

i have a lot of issues with them living together...he moves 10 minutes from work to about 45 minutes from work...doesnt seem to bother him however....he gave up his place to move in with her at her place.....giving her the upper hand...he said someone always has the upper hand....did i mention playing whip noises at him....not when she is with him but when he alone....she is bossy and controlling that is my job

Someone is always in control. The classic way to determine who that is, is to see who turns out the light a bedtime. Whoever is comfortable in bed when the other gets up to turn off the light is in control.

 

[strollingbones]

hmm jellies....i think not more the gut feeling he is not happy....but perhaps he is just trying to settle down with someone is who not batshit crazy...as many of his g/f's were

 

[Bonzi]

i have a lot of issues with them living together...he moves 10 minutes from work to about 45 minutes from work...doesnt seem to bother him however....he gave up his place to move in with her at her place.....giving her the upper hand...he said someone always has the upper hand....did i mention playing whip noises at him....not when she is with him but when he alone....she is bossy and controlling that is my job

Someone is always in control. The classic way to determine who that is, is to see who turns out the light a bedtime. Whoever is comfortable in bed when the other gets up to turn off the light is in control.

There is no guessing game in my marriage - it's him. But if I am allowed to make a call I'm always reminded of it!