CAMBRIDGE, MA — Liberals have voiced a collective warning following the ouster of Harvard President Claudine Gay, stating the removal could lead to a world where people are actually held responsible for their own poor choices.
"If a black woman named 'Gay' can suffer the consequences of her own actions, it could happen to anyone," warned CNN anchor Lewis Donaldson. "Nobody will be safe from the fallout of committing dozens of acts of intellectual theft and deception over several decades."
After being ousted for refusing to condemn calls for genocide as well as many well-documented acts of plagiarism, universities are warning that Claudine Gay may be the proverbial "canary in the coal mine" for people being held responsible for doing terrible things. Media members also expressed deep concern over the precedent set by a liberal not being shielded from the consequences of repeatedly lying on camera. Sources within the Associated Press specifically conveyed fear that in the future, there could even be actual repercussions for employing photographers who take rocket launchers to directly participate in genocide.
Liberal academics across the nation have sounded the alarm, stating policies such as "Don't Steal Things" would do irreparable harm. "Punishing professors for stealing will obviously limit the diversity of our faculty," explained Harvard Dean of Faculty Affairs Benjamin Bingham. "We simply cannot allow people of every skin color to compete on an even playing field! Really, we can't - there would be way too many Asians here for our liking."
Liberals Warn Harvard President Ouster Could Lead To Terrifying World Where People Are Held Responsible For Their Own Actions
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Liberals have voiced a collective warning following the ouster of Harvard President Claudine Gay, stating the removal could lead to a world where people are actually held responsible for their own poor choices.
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