Ok then.
Focus. Forget about the so called secular world. Stop worrying about what to eat and what to wear. Those things are for the godless to obsess over.
you have enough of work to do on yourself that remains undone to keep you busy for the rest of your life...
Stop wasting time.
Exactly why I study Torah.
I know that.
But there has to come a time when you put the book down and start doing whatever it is you should have learned to do that leads to a holy life by reading it. And its not about whats for dinner.
Is there really any chance that you haven't read it all before many many times?
Jesus didn't walk around clinging to the torah like a priest clings to crucifix or a baby clings to its bottle, even when he was a lot younger than you.
Wouldn't you prefer for God to make himself known to you before you died, while you still had the time to justify your existence and become worthy of the life you were given?
Purify your mind and be refined, then you will see God and the way to life will be revealed to you. Only God can open your mind to understand and make sense of the chaos you see and all of the confusing information that fills your head.
Its as simple as that.
My friend, I have been learning mostly Torah and Talmud (as opposed to Mishnah and the Prophets) for 35 years and I haven't even scratched the surface.
In terms of practicing what I study...everyday of my life I interact with my family, my customers, people on line at stores, people in other vehicles and myself.
My ego, my emotions, my attitudes and behavior have changed radically over the years.
I do not doubt that, and I commend you for your efforts.
Still, if you want to go all the way and become sinless, sell off everything you have bought into over all those years, come out of that tomb, pick up your own cross, and follow the teachings of Jesus, if you can grasp it..
what are the teachings of Jesus? How does a cross enter into the picture?
The basic teaching of Jesus is that the words of the law are figurative, the subjects hidden.
A cross enters the picture whenever a person has the audacity to rise from the dead and escape from whatever tomb they have found themselves in by accident of birth.