Knock, knock

Discussion in 'Current Events' started by Two Thumbs, Jan 14, 2011.

  1. Two Thumbs
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    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

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    Who's there?

    Heated week

    Heated week who?

    Knock, knock

    Who's there?

    Time for some jokes.

    Time for some jokes who?



    Us

    It's been a heated week full of finger pointing and some nasty threads. So since it's TGIF, I thought I'd lighten the mood a little with inviting everyone to post jokes, links to funny stories, toss in some irony and sarcasm and I think we will all have a good time.

    After all;

    "Laughter is the best medicine."----- some dude I don't know (or my Dad, he said that a lot)

    Man Has Camera Screwed Into Head - Bing Videos

    I can't make that up.

    Fox shoots hunter who wounded it - World news - Weird news - msnbc.com
    I have a thread on this one, but the Irony makes it a must share.

    For "Rat in the Hat"

    I don't give a Bidens 5 head what people do with your ass.

    Yall's turn. Have fun!
     
  2. California Girl
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    California Girl BANNED

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    Y'all need to learn where to post 'funny' stuff. It's called the 'humor' forum... just sayin'.
     
  3. Two Thumbs
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    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

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    Thanks.

    I had this idea, and while I was scrolling down for a place to put it, the General section caught my eye first.

    just checked humor section. It's where threads go to die.
     
  4. Baruch Menachem
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    Baruch Menachem '

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    There once was a curate of Crue
    who kept a cat in a pew
    He said "I will endeavor to seek
    to tech it some greek"
    but he never got further than Mu.
     
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  5. Two Thumbs
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    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

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    :laugh2:
    "Mu" :rofl:
    :laugh:
     
  6. PoliticalChic
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    PoliticalChic Diamond Member

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    1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
    The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

    3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
    but don't start anything."

    4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food
    in here."

    5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
    "A beer please, and one for the road."

    7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste
    funny to you?"

    8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "It's Not Unusual."

    9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
    "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

    10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
    any thing you can do for him?"
    "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines
    his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
    "No, because he's really heavy."

    13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe
    my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
    But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

    14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

    15. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the stakes are too high."

    16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor,
    I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    17. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

    18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft,
    it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
     
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  7. Two Thumbs
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    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

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    :bowdown:

    Those are some good ones





    and some groaners :eusa_angel:
     
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  8. Two Thumbs
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    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

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    YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

    Out of all the jokers on USMB only 3 people put up some jokes?

    And these 2 ladies were some of the LAST people I expected jokes from!

    *tsk tsk* fellas, you gonna let these to brainy ladies out do us?
     
  9. Baruch Menachem
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    Baruch Menachem '

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    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
    But his daughter, named Nan,
    Ran away with a man
    And as for the bucket, Nantucket.


    But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
    The man and the girl with the bucket;
    And he said to the man,
    He was welcome to Nan,
    But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.

    Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
    Where he still held the cash as an asset;
    But Nan and the man
    Stole the money and ran,
    And as for the bucket, Manhasset.
     
  10. Two Thumbs
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    Two Thumbs Platinum Member

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    Love that old rhyme.

    Wish I could remember the dirty version my sister taught me.
     

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