He just got home from his 4-day stay in the hospital for prostate surgery. He is already back to his ritual---sending me the usual petition and 'inspirational' (aka God is watching you!) emails forwarded to him by others he knows. Sometimes he sends some great stuff. I just got this tonight. --- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. Its impossible to lick your elbow. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor. You can't have everything - where would you put it all? Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. By now, 85% of you have tried to lick your elbow. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray! A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Isn't it ironic that departments of education can correct for students not meeting standardized test requirements by simply lowering the requirements? Isn't it ironic that some people are pushing for using state Driver's Licenses to be used for identification in voting and forcing these licenses to become almost a national ID, while in California their state senate approved bill SB60 to allow illegal aliens to get a driver's license? Why do we drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway? Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. You've guessed it, he opened it and said a fond farewell to his face. The closer you are to the sun, the hotter it gets, yet mountains still somehow get snow on them.