The last one is funnier than shit. WOMEN JOKES ABOUT MEN How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them. Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a slut. Why dont women blink during foreplay? They dont have time. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They wont stop to ask directions. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. What is the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature. Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We dont know; it has never happened. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A Widow Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see whats in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the fridge. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? His hand caught fire. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes. What did God say after creating Adam? I can do better than that. What did God say after creating Eve? Practice makes perfect. How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped = or extremely small. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They are married THE MEN FIRE BACK .. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who cant even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a womans about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with A man once told me How do you fix a womans watch? You dont, theres a clock on the oven! Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women wont shut up long enough to build up pressure. Why were shopping carts invented? To teach women to walk on their hind legs. Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and youre going to want to shoot it. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course at least hell shut up after you let him in. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Whats worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that wont do what shes told. What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by 90% WEDDING CAKE!!!!!