Face it: Monogamy is unnatural

[Skull Pilot]

Interesting... so now we live way too long, and therefore can't be expected to be monogamous. I also find it funny that our society has such a problem with this concept ( monogamy) that they must seek out proof that even the animals thought to mate for life...don't. And therefore how can humans be expected to. Makes me laugh.

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Editor's note: Meghan Laslocky is the author of "The Little Book of Heartbreak: Love Gone Wrong Through the Ages" (Plume/Penguin 2013).

(CNN) -- Kristen Stewart, Ryan Phillippe, LeAnn Rimes, Jude Law, Mark Sanford and Bill Clinton. What do they have in common?

Many are quick to label a person who strays from his or her marriage or relationship as a "cheater," but it's really not that simple. It's time for our culture to wake up and smell the sex pheromones: monogamy is not natural for many, or probably even most, humans.

With people living longer than ever before, a greater tolerance toward the human impulse to experience sexual variety is needed. Whether a person succeeds at being sexually monogamous depends as much on biology as environment.

History and biology suggest that strict monogamy, which has social advantages, is not a "one size" fits all proposition.

Opinion: Monogamy is unnatural - CNN.com

One makes the choice to be faithful.

The ability to make that choice is what separates us from other animals.

We are not slaves to our baser urges as is the rest of the animal kingdom.

by baser urges are you meaning natural urges ?

We are not shackled into mating by instinct as other animals are. We can choose to mate, we can choose whether or not to reproduce just as we can choose to be faithful.

 

[Sarah G]

only for men.lol

That was once the case, but now women are cheating as much as men.

If someone is unfulfilled in their relationship, they have a choice of either ending it, cheating, or resigning themselves to being unfulfilled (if the other partner is incapable or unwilling to work on it).

These days fewer and fewer people are resigning themselves to the idea that they just have to face it and "be strong".

I believe that it is because we now live in a throw away society and are taught that when things are too hard to just give up. And not to value relationships.

Then again, sometimes things are simply not meant to be. Some relationships are started for all the wrong reasons.

You seem slightly resistant to grey areas, everything is black and white to you, it seems. It's your way or the wrong way.. Such a weirdo.

 

[BlueGin]

It's fine if someone doesn't want to be monogamous. Don't then. But don't enter into a relationship where you're expected to be monogamous. Don't take vows that say "'til death do us part." Don't make commitments to another that you can't keep.

Dont expect to have multiple partners but still reap the benefits of a long-term, steady, monogamous relationship. Because if you do, all you really are is a slimy little cheater.

Exactly. Not sure why people have such a hard time with this concept.

 

[dilloduck]

One makes the choice to be faithful.

The ability to make that choice is what separates us from other animals.

We are not slaves to our baser urges as is the rest of the animal kingdom.

by baser urges are you meaning natural urges ?

We are not shackled into mating by instinct as other animals are. We can choose to mate, we can choose whether or not to reproduce just as we can choose to be faithful.

I never said we were. I'm simply addressing the monogamy being natural issue. You speak of baser urges like they were dirty or something. The "baser" urges of our parents is why we are here.

 

[BlueGin]

I get that people outgrow relationships and that partners pass away leaving the other to continue on. And that it is possible to love more than one person in a lifetime etc.

Not the same thing as implying that people just can't be monogamous because of their biology. Hogwash. They can if they want to.

 

[dilloduck]

I get that people outgrow relationships and that partners pass away leaving the other to continue on. And that it is possible to love more than one person in a lifetime etc.

Not the same thing as implying that people just can't be monogamous because of their biology. Hogwash. They can if they want to.

Of course they can. but is it the "natural" state of humans ?

 

[BlueGin]

One makes the choice to be faithful.

The ability to make that choice is what separates us from other animals.

We are not slaves to our baser urges as is the rest of the animal kingdom.

by baser urges are you meaning natural urges ?

We are not shackled into mating by instinct as other animals are. We can choose to mate, we can choose whether or not to reproduce just as we can choose to be faithful.

Which is the point the article is trying to dispute. And it is not the first article I have read that does this in length. I'm guessing in this one area humans are expected to devolve.

 

[dilloduck]

by baser urges are you meaning natural urges ?

We are not shackled into mating by instinct as other animals are. We can choose to mate, we can choose whether or not to reproduce just as we can choose to be faithful.

Which is the point the article is trying to dispute. And it is not the first article I have read that does this in length. I'm guessing in this one area humans are expected to devolve.

Married couples better not devolve to quickly or one of them will lose their ass in the divorce.

 

[Misty]

Survival of the species.

Hardly a concern in an over populated world. I think that excuse is quite out dated.

Ya but our chemistry is still pretty much the same. It's in our nature. We are naturally sexually attracted to numerous people in a lifetime. We must repress our natural instincts to comply with social and religious norms. I'm not saying anything is wrong with that. I just think sexual monogamy is a social convention and not a biologically natural one.

I believe that people may feel attraction for another person while in a monogamous relationship, but STD's are scientific proof that humans should not screw many random people.

 

[MaryL]

Interesting... so now we live way too long, and therefore can't be expected to be monogamous. I also find it funny that our society has such a problem with this concept ( monogamy) that they must seek out proof that even the animals thought to mate for life...don't. And therefore how can humans be expected to. Makes me laugh.

****************************************************************


Editor's note: Meghan Laslocky is the author of "The Little Book of Heartbreak: Love Gone Wrong Through the Ages" (Plume/Penguin 2013).

(CNN) -- Kristen Stewart, Ryan Phillippe, LeAnn Rimes, Jude Law, Mark Sanford and Bill Clinton. What do they have in common?

Many are quick to label a person who strays from his or her marriage or relationship as a "cheater," but it's really not that simple. It's time for our culture to wake up and smell the sex pheromones: monogamy is not natural for many, or probably even most, humans.

With people living longer than ever before, a greater tolerance toward the human impulse to experience sexual variety is needed. Whether a person succeeds at being sexually monogamous depends as much on biology as environment.

History and biology suggest that strict monogamy, which has social advantages, is not a "one size" fits all proposition.

Opinion: Monogamy is unnatural - CNN.com

Many people deceive their spouses, they also cheat on their taxes, speed or j walk. In big or little ways, they break promises, they con and they lie, cheat and steal. As corny as it sounds, what is wrong with being honest?

 

[BlueGin]

Interesting... so now we live way too long, and therefore can't be expected to be monogamous. I also find it funny that our society has such a problem with this concept ( monogamy) that they must seek out proof that even the animals thought to mate for life...don't. And therefore how can humans be expected to. Makes me laugh.

****************************************************************


Editor's note: Meghan Laslocky is the author of "The Little Book of Heartbreak: Love Gone Wrong Through the Ages" (Plume/Penguin 2013).

(CNN) -- Kristen Stewart, Ryan Phillippe, LeAnn Rimes, Jude Law, Mark Sanford and Bill Clinton. What do they have in common?

Many are quick to label a person who strays from his or her marriage or relationship as a "cheater," but it's really not that simple. It's time for our culture to wake up and smell the sex pheromones: monogamy is not natural for many, or probably even most, humans.

With people living longer than ever before, a greater tolerance toward the human impulse to experience sexual variety is needed. Whether a person succeeds at being sexually monogamous depends as much on biology as environment.

History and biology suggest that strict monogamy, which has social advantages, is not a "one size" fits all proposition.

Opinion: Monogamy is unnatural - CNN.com

Many people deceive their spouses, they also cheat on their taxes, speed or j walk. In big or little ways, they break promises, they con and they lie, cheat and steal. As corny as it sounds, what is wrong with being honest?

A lot apparently. Very few people are. Read a quote recently and it's true.

"Honesty is expensive...so, don't expect it from cheap people".

 

[dilloduck]

If the relationship was not a monogamous one to start with then there is no dishonesty or cheating.

 

[BlueGin]

You don't have to be a "cheater" to be a liar/dishonest/disloyal etc....

 

[Samson]

We are not shackled into mating by instinct as other animals are. We can choose to mate, we can choose whether or not to reproduce just as we can choose to be faithful.

Which is the point the article is trying to dispute. And it is not the first article I have read that does this in length. I'm guessing in this one area humans are expected to devolve.

Married couples better not devolve to quickly or one of them will lose their ass in the divorce.

This is an excellent point.

Perhaps monogamy is more a result of poor choices and potential impoverishment than anything else?

I offer evidence: When The Wealthy divorce, each walks away with $$million$$. The Wealthy can afford to devolve quickly, and often do.... When The Poor divorce, neither had much together, and they don't have much less afterward.

BUT WHEN THE MIDDLE CLASS divorces, both risk slipping into a much different socioeconomic, lower, class. Thus the "reward" is less than the risk, and couples may choose to "ride it out."

In other words, Monogamy may have much less to do with nature than is has to do with economics.

 

[Samson]

You don't have to be a "cheater" to be a liar/dishonest/disloyal etc....

A tree falls in the woods.

If nobody heard it, did it make a sound?

 

[Samson]

I believe that people may feel attraction for another person while in a monogamous relationship, but STD's are scientific proof that humans should not screw many random people.

7 Billion random people on the planet?

By "many" do you mean more than 1%?

 

[BlueGin]

You don't have to be a "cheater" to be a liar/dishonest/disloyal etc....

A tree falls in the woods.

If nobody heard it, did it make a sound?

I don't know...would you like it better if your business partner stabbed you in the back...rather than your wife?

 

[Samson]

by baser urges are you meaning natural urges ?

We are not shackled into mating by instinct as other animals are. We can choose to mate, we can choose whether or not to reproduce just as we can choose to be faithful.

Which is the point the article is trying to dispute. And it is not the first article I have read that does this in length. I'm guessing in this one area humans are expected to devolve.

The article is only disputing our social standards

With people living longer than ever before, a greater tolerance toward the human impulse to experience sexual variety is needed.

Frankly, I'm not sure why longevity has anything to do with it.

 

[Samson]

You don't have to be a "cheater" to be a liar/dishonest/disloyal etc....

A tree falls in the woods.

If nobody heard it, did it make a sound?

I don't know...would you like it better if your business partner stabbed you in the back...rather than your wife?

Not the point. And yours is a poor analogy: If someone stabbs, you feel it, whether or not they want you to feel it.

If someone is a liar/dishonest/disloyal, etc., you may not feel it.

If you never feel it, then it never mattered.

 

[AquaAthena]

Many are quick to label a person who strays from his or her marriage or relationship as a "cheater," but it's really not that simple. It's time for our culture to wake up and smell the sex pheromones: monogamy is not natural for many, or probably even most, humans.

With people living longer than ever before, a greater tolerance toward the human impulse to experience sexual variety is needed. Whether a person succeeds at being sexually monogamous depends as much on biology as environment.

Monogamy is VERY natural for me, when in a relationship. I have told more than one man, I would leave him before I would betray him. And I have, but it was never for interest in another man. It was because the friendship died.

When I am in love, I want and expect our relationship to be exclusive. Whether I have been cheated on, I do not know and would not want to know. What is important to me, is to be true to myself and my principles. I can't even desire another man, when I am in love. I have been very fortunate three times, to have been true to three good men, for the duration of our marriage, during the good times and bad.

While I agree that "variety is the spice of life" I also can attribute that to many different things, not merely sex.