Empathy Training

[Sky Dancer]

Non-Violent Communication:

EMPATHY: Ways We Stay Connected to Feelings & Needs

�� Give your full attention to another by either silently or verbally connecting to their feelings
and needs.

�� Be willing to set yourself aside and completely enter the other’s world with acceptance and
respect.


NOT EMPATHY: Ways We Disconnect with Feelings & Needs

�� SYMPATHY: Bring attention back to yourself. “Oh, I am so sorry, I feel terrible for you.”

�� ADVICE: We assume the person needs information. “Well, what you could do is. . . “.

�� EXPLAIN / ANALYZE: We believe we know why someone feels the way we do and
think knowing why will change their feeling state. “You’re just feel bad because . . . “

�� CORRECT: We try to point out someone’s mistake in interpreting. “He didn’t do that to
hurt you, he was just in a hurry.”

�� CONSOLE: “It will be okay. You’re okay, everything will work out.”

�� TELL A STORY: “The same thing happened to me. This one time . . .”

�� PUSH AWAY FEELINGS: We might be uncomfortable so we tell others not to feel what
they feel. “Come on smile, don’t be sad.” “Just calm down and take a deep breath”

�� INVESTIGATE / INTEROGATE: “Why did you do that? What made you feel that
way?”

�� EVALUATE: We decide if another’s emotional response is appropriate or not. “You are
over reacting. This is no big deal.”

�� EDUCATE: “What I see about the situation is . . . “ “The reason you feel like that is. . . “

�� ONE-UP: “That’s awful, but something even worse happened to me and I was devastated.”

�� DIAGNOSE: “Sounds like you had a panic attack. I know some good herbs for anxiety.”

�� DEMAND: “If you don’t get control of your emotions, I’m leaving!”

�� DENIAL OF CHOICE: “It’s a hard thing, but we all have to do it.”

�� NOD & SMILE You feel uncomfortable and just want to get out of the situation.

 

[Peach]

Non-Violent Communication:

EMPATHY: Ways We Stay Connected to Feelings & Needs

�� Give your full attention to another by either silently or verbally connecting to their feelings
and needs.

�� Be willing to set yourself aside and completely enter the other’s world with acceptance and
respect.


NOT EMPATHY: Ways We Disconnect with Feelings & Needs

�� SYMPATHY: Bring attention back to yourself. “Oh, I am so sorry, I feel terrible for you.”

�� ADVICE: We assume the person needs information. “Well, what you could do is. . . “.

�� EXPLAIN / ANALYZE: We believe we know why someone feels the way we do and
think knowing why will change their feeling state. “You’re just feel bad because . . . “

�� CORRECT: We try to point out someone’s mistake in interpreting. “He didn’t do that to
hurt you, he was just in a hurry.”

�� CONSOLE: “It will be okay. You’re okay, everything will work out.”

�� TELL A STORY: “The same thing happened to me. This one time . . .”

�� PUSH AWAY FEELINGS: We might be uncomfortable so we tell others not to feel what
they feel. “Come on smile, don’t be sad.” “Just calm down and take a deep breath”

�� INVESTIGATE / INTEROGATE: “Why did you do that? What made you feel that
way?”

�� EVALUATE: We decide if another’s emotional response is appropriate or not. “You are
over reacting. This is no big deal.”

�� EDUCATE: “What I see about the situation is . . . “ “The reason you feel like that is. . . “

�� ONE-UP: “That’s awful, but something even worse happened to me and I was devastated.”

�� DIAGNOSE: “Sounds like you had a panic attack. I know some good herbs for anxiety.”

�� DEMAND: “If you don’t get control of your emotions, I’m leaving!”

�� DENIAL OF CHOICE: “It’s a hard thing, but we all have to do it.”

�� NOD & SMILE You feel uncomfortable and just want to get out of the situation.

Thank you for this, Sky.

 

[Sky Dancer]

Non-Violent Communication:

EMPATHY: Ways We Stay Connected to Feelings & Needs

�� Give your full attention to another by either silently or verbally connecting to their feelings
and needs.

�� Be willing to set yourself aside and completely enter the other’s world with acceptance and
respect.


NOT EMPATHY: Ways We Disconnect with Feelings & Needs

�� SYMPATHY: Bring attention back to yourself. “Oh, I am so sorry, I feel terrible for you.”

�� ADVICE: We assume the person needs information. “Well, what you could do is. . . “.

�� EXPLAIN / ANALYZE: We believe we know why someone feels the way we do and
think knowing why will change their feeling state. “You’re just feel bad because . . . “

�� CORRECT: We try to point out someone’s mistake in interpreting. “He didn’t do that to
hurt you, he was just in a hurry.”

�� CONSOLE: “It will be okay. You’re okay, everything will work out.”

�� TELL A STORY: “The same thing happened to me. This one time . . .”

�� PUSH AWAY FEELINGS: We might be uncomfortable so we tell others not to feel what
they feel. “Come on smile, don’t be sad.” “Just calm down and take a deep breath”

�� INVESTIGATE / INTEROGATE: “Why did you do that? What made you feel that
way?”

�� EVALUATE: We decide if another’s emotional response is appropriate or not. “You are
over reacting. This is no big deal.”

�� EDUCATE: “What I see about the situation is . . . “ “The reason you feel like that is. . . “

�� ONE-UP: “That’s awful, but something even worse happened to me and I was devastated.”

�� DIAGNOSE: “Sounds like you had a panic attack. I know some good herbs for anxiety.”

�� DEMAND: “If you don’t get control of your emotions, I’m leaving!”

�� DENIAL OF CHOICE: “It’s a hard thing, but we all have to do it.”

�� NOD & SMILE You feel uncomfortable and just want to get out of the situation.

Thank you for this, Sky.

You're welcome. I've just started studying it. It's quite wonderful stuff. Marshall Rosenberg does peacemaking all over the world using Non-Violent Communication methods.

 

[FuelRod]

Empathy Training

Pfffttt. Who cares?


Oh, sorry that's apathy.

 

[Peach]

Empathy Training

Pfffttt. Who cares?


Oh, sorry that's apathy.

Many humans do.

 

[Sky Dancer]

Empathy Training

Pfffttt. Who cares?


Oh, sorry that's apathy.

Leonard Cohen, a famous poet and songwriter entered a Buddhist monastery and did a retreat for six years. I heard that he has started to gather a crowd around him when he walks in the park. I asked my friend, what is he doing, meditating, giving a dharma talk? She said no, none of that.

When Cohen came out of that retreat, he started spending some time sitting in a park. People started to sit with him, and talk to them about their lives. All he does, is listen and offer his full attention. They tell their stories, and feel better afterward.

 

[syrenn]

Non-Violent Communication:

EMPATHY: Ways We Stay Connected to Feelings & Needs

�� Give your full attention to another by either silently or verbally connecting to their feelings
and needs.

�� Be willing to set yourself aside and completely enter the other’s world with acceptance and
respect.


NOT EMPATHY: Ways We Disconnect with Feelings & Needs

�� SYMPATHY: Bring attention back to yourself. “Oh, I am so sorry, I feel terrible for you.”

�� ADVICE: We assume the person needs information. “Well, what you could do is. . . “.

�� EXPLAIN / ANALYZE: We believe we know why someone feels the way we do and
think knowing why will change their feeling state. “You’re just feel bad because . . . “

�� CORRECT: We try to point out someone’s mistake in interpreting. “He didn’t do that to
hurt you, he was just in a hurry.”

�� CONSOLE: “It will be okay. You’re okay, everything will work out.”

�� TELL A STORY: “The same thing happened to me. This one time . . .”

�� PUSH AWAY FEELINGS: We might be uncomfortable so we tell others not to feel what
they feel. “Come on smile, don’t be sad.” “Just calm down and take a deep breath”

�� INVESTIGATE / INTEROGATE: “Why did you do that? What made you feel that
way?”

�� EVALUATE: We decide if another’s emotional response is appropriate or not. “You are
over reacting. This is no big deal.”

�� EDUCATE: “What I see about the situation is . . . “ “The reason you feel like that is. . . “

�� ONE-UP: “That’s awful, but something even worse happened to me and I was devastated.”

�� DIAGNOSE: “Sounds like you had a panic attack. I know some good herbs for anxiety.”

�� DEMAND: “If you don’t get control of your emotions, I’m leaving!”

�� DENIAL OF CHOICE: “It’s a hard thing, but we all have to do it.”

�� NOD & SMILE You feel uncomfortable and just want to get out of the situation.

This wasn't so long ago either.... i guess that flavor of the month is not so great anymore either....

just saying.

 

[California Girl]

Empathy Training

Pfffttt. Who cares?


Oh, sorry that's apathy.

I feel sorry for you.

That's sympathy.

 

[California Girl]

Empathy Training

Pfffttt. Who cares?


Oh, sorry that's apathy.

Leonard Cohen, a famous poet and songwriter entered a Buddhist monastery and did a retreat for six years. I heard that he has started to gather a crowd around him when he walks in the park. I asked my friend, what is he doing, meditating, giving a dharma talk? She said no, none of that.

When Cohen came out of that retreat, he started spending some time sitting in a park. People started to sit with him, and talk to them about their lives. All he does, is listen and offer his full attention. They tell their stories, and feel better afterward.

Then, he turns their stories into songs and makes millions.