Definitely in need of some around here today

Discussion in 'Humor' started by DamnYankee, Jun 13, 2009.

  1. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    Humor, that is!

    We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here's a small list...

    If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she's holding in her lap while driving,
    she blames the restaurant.

    If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors,
    you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked.

    If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
    your family blames the tobacco company.

    If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain,
    you blame the school for poor sex education.

    If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk,
    you blame the bartender.

    If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty,
    you blame the government for not providing clean ones.

    If your grandchildren are brats without manners,
    you blame television.

    If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

    And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead,
    the mother of the deceased blames the airline.

    I guess I'll just never understand the world as it is anymore...

    So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer while sending you this joke -
    I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?
     
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  2. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Unfortunately, aside from your last line, the rest is sadly true.
     
  3. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    Of course it is.... That's why I needed a good punch line!
     
  4. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    When I grow up, I want to be just like you, cept taller.
     
  5. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    :lol: :lol:
    My bestest friends never wanna grow up....
     
  6. RetiredGySgt
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    RetiredGySgt Platinum Member

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    Actually the coffee thing, while fun to recite is wrong. As I believe Jillian pointed out, the coffee she received was SCALDING hot and did MAJOR burn damage to her.
     
  7. alan1
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    alan1 USMB Mod Staff Member Supporting Member

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    Just remember who actually spilled the coffee though.
     
  8. RetiredGySgt
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    RetiredGySgt Platinum Member

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    Doesn't matter she would have burned her mouth and lips and possibly her throat if she had taken a drink. The Mac Donalds was wrong for serving it SCALDING hot. Can you image what major burns would be like on your face and in your mouth?
     
  9. DamnYankee
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    DamnYankee No Neg Policy

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    First, this was supposed to be HUMOR in forum that it otherwise lacking some the last couple of days. Second, since you brought it up, I would no go so far as to say that all suits are frivolous and unjustifiable, but you do see the point that was attempted, don't you?
     
  10. Bootneck
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    Bootneck Diamond Member

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    OK. OK. Have this to be going on with!

    I'm often asked for the best method of getting in shape for military basic training.
    For those who have spent their teenage years in front of the TV, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week works well.

    Begin by standing outside the house, and with a 5-LB. potato sack in each hand ... extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

    After a few weeks, move up to 10-LB. potato sacks and then 50-LB potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a 100 lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

    Next...start putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it.
     

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