Death - been there, but Stacy sez I'm hardcore!

[Oz and the Orchestra]

I'm at peace now. Up here at Deer Stalker Heights I can see the lake from my bedroom window.
When she phoned me up and asked if there was someone with me? And can I make it to the hospital without assistance? That, and the pity and hopelessness expressed in her voice was a signal from Dr Rosewall's secretary that I was in a very bad place.
Of course I knew I had Cancer, the speed at which I was physically deteriorating, The vomiting for no reason, nausea and dramatic loss of weight. My mother was 52 when she died from melanoma, a skin cancer that took from Aug 76 - March 77 to go right through her body.
My younger sister diagnosed in 08 with lymphoma and bone cancer went into remission after 6 treatments of chemo. It returned in 2011 and she was given 6 more treatments they also offered her a stem cell injection in the top of her spine to stop her brain being infected which she took up but was given only a 5% chance of surviving the op. Though she blew up like a balloon she survived. All her hair had fallen out but she has the sort of face ( a bit like Sinead O'connor) that it wasn't in any way detrimental to her looks.

We were in the middle of a heatwave and it was a beautiful morning and already warm though only 8.30am when we set off down the country lanes, a 25 minute drive to the hospital.
I didn't want to tell my family so Abdul my best friend for over 30 years offered to take me and sit through the appointment.
After a short wait we were led into Rosewell's office by his secretary who as she led us would ring her hands and managed to force a smile across her pouting red lips, her beehive auburn hair, and horn rimmed glasses, giving her a contradictory - mature and controlling head mistress/sex starved tart aura.

"Like a cup of tea?" She pouted. I looked at Abs, already shaking his head.
"No ta!

Dr Roswell invited us to take a seat and as we sat:-

"Right I think...what we are going to do with you........hmm!
He looked down at his notes before I intervened:-

"Doc I need you to be totally frank, don't hold back - how bad is it?

He paused before:-

"Your condition is terminal Class 4 Cancer....a tumor in your bowel has spread to your liver, 85% is infected......It has also spread to your lung and upper arm. We can shrink it, but can't get rid of it!"

"So how long do I have?"

"Without treatment three months, with treatment six!"

I glanced at Abs who's eyes looked like organ stops, he seemed frozen in shock.
Dr Rosewall continued:-

" Rather than going through all that sickness with chemo, some people just go on a cruise....blah blah blah....!"

I thought 'a cruise?' I feel like throwing up all the time without having even had anything to eat. God knows how i'd be on a cruise?
I'd noticed that his secretary would respond to everything Rosewall said - with everything positive she'd smile like a Cheshire cat and nod up and down like one of those rear window Churchhill insurance dogs. With everything negative the head would drop, the pout return and she'd shake her head,
All of a sudden Abs burst into life.....

" Surely there must be some treatment that can give him a couple of years?" - he boomed!

"No no no.... we've got to be realistic here, six months is the absolute lim...........!"

"That's ridiculous your telling me chemotherapy only extends a life by three months?"

" I can assure you that I'm a little better qualified than you....blah blah blah!"

This arguing went on for s few minutes before I finally burst into laughter! Both Rosewall and Abs stopped arguing and turned to me, Rosewall slightly stressed, then said:-

" You seem to be taking all this very well, not in the least bit surprised?"

" I had a good Idea it was Cancer, I know from the speed my health has deteriorated it was something very serious!"

Actually I was too busy - spellbound by his secretaries animations!

As we walked down the main corridor and out into the brilliant sunshine it seemed hard to take in what I'd just been told, the Sun was shining, birds were singing, I could smell the freshly cut grass and the flower beds, Death didn't seem plausible nor possible.
Abs said nothing just looked down. Then as we got in the car and belted up:-

That bloody arrogant prick.....! Said Abs!

Names have been changed, & To be continued!

 

[BULLDOG]

I used to read things like that, and assume it was just someone practicing their story telling. Nobody got that sick, that quick, and faced death so soon. That was what I thought until my brother who just a week and a half ago was mowing 2 acres with a push mower instead of the rider because he wanted the exercize got really sick. He refused to go to the doctor for 2 days because it was just a bug, and he would be better soon. He always had before. Third day, he could barely get out of bed. I took him to the emergency room. The next day they said it looked like lukemia, and he was transfered to MD Anderson in Houston. After 2 more days and his first Chemo treatment, he had a heart attack. This is the same guy who was mowing with a push mower for fun. They put in a stint tomorrow. I'm scared for what comes next, but I know things can get really bad really quick with no warning.

 

[Oz and the Orchestra]

I used to read things like that, and assume it was just someone practicing their story telling. Nobody got that sick, that quick, and faced death so soon. That was what I thought until my brother who just a week and a half ago was mowing 2 acres with a push mower instead of the rider because he wanted the exercize got really sick. He refused to go to the doctor for 2 days because it was just a bug, and he would be better soon. He always had before. Third day, he could barely get out of bed. I took him to the emergency room. The next day they said it looked like lukemia, and he was transfered to MD Anderson in Houston. After 2 more days and his first Chemo treatment, he had a heart attack. This is the same guy who was mowing with a push mower for fun. They put in a stint tomorrow. I'm scared for what comes next, but I know things can get really bad really quick with no warning.

Like my sister with lymphoma and if it is lukemia it is a blood cancer and will require hematology rather than oncology for organ cancers. The thing is blood cancers are easier to treat and have better outcomes.
I ignored symptoms for around 10 months. My cancer consultant couldn't believe that I had practically no medical
history.
You are probably at the beginning of a lengthy road but these days many cancers are fully recoverable.
Good luck!

 

[Oz and the Orchestra]

At the end of Aug. I will have gone 6 years carrying this condition. The last time I had chemo was the beginning of Feb. I switched to monthly treatments from fortnightly about 18 months ago however the lockdown brought my treatment to an end for now. I spoke to Dr Shen my chemo consultant I(of Hong Kong extraction) a few days ago. Before he could suggest a return to treatment I told him that I think I need a CT scan to see if the tumor is still dormant. If that's the case then I don't see the need for treatment, just a scan every three months to make sure the tumor's not spreading. He agreed. So I'll have that in Aug. I like Dr Shen he is very laid back unlike 'head up his ass'
Rosewall . If Shen doesn't know something, he doesn't pretend, but just says he doesn't know.

Up here and a bit out of the way, I've barely seen another human since Feb 3rd. My old mate Abs drops food at my door every week. I got a letter from Matt Hancock the Health Secretary and Jenner who told me to self Isolate for 12 weeks as I'm classed as 'extremely vulnerable'. I'd also got a letter from Boris Johnson telling me similar. Since of course all three have contracted Corona - I bet they didn't give up their gin party's with their friends.

So over the 6 years I know or have heard of many people perfectly healthy when I contracted cancer that have commiserated with me, and then gone on to contract cancer themselves and have perished since. Some having gone into remission then seen a return. So I'm very lucky!

Next time my experiments with Electrolysis Zapping, Electromagnetic Pulse Therapy, Collide Silver, Ozone Water, Cannabis, CBD Tablets.

 

[Oz and the Orchestra]

At the end of Aug. I will have gone 6 years carrying this condition. The last time I had chemo was the beginning of Feb. I switched to monthly treatments from fortnightly about 18 months ago however the lockdown brought my treatment to an end for now. I spoke to Dr Shen my chemo consultant I(of Hong Kong extraction) a few days ago. Before he could suggest a return to treatment I told him that I think I need a CT scan to see if the tumor is still dormant. If that's the case then I don't see the need for treatment, just a scan every three months to make sure the tumor's not spreading. He agreed. So I'll have that in Aug. I like Dr Shen he is very laid back unlike 'head up his ass'
Rosewall . If Shen doesn't know something, he doesn't pretend, but just says he doesn't know.

Up here and a bit out of the way, I've barely seen another human since Feb 3rd. My old mate Abs drops food at my door every week. I got a letter from Matt Hancock the Health Secretary and Jenner who told me to self Isolate for 12 weeks as I'm classed as 'extremely vulnerable'. I'd also got a letter from Boris Johnson telling me similar. Since of course all three have contracted Corona - I bet they didn't give up their gin party's with their friends.
View attachment 352753
So over the 6 years I know or have heard of many people perfectly healthy when I contracted cancer that have commiserated with me, and then gone on to contract cancer themselves and have perished since. Some having gone into remission then seen a return. So I'm very lucky!

Next time my experiments with Electrolysis Zapping, Electromagnetic Pulse Therapy, Collide Silver, Ozone Water, Cannabis, CBD Tablets.

Once you have been told you have a terminal illness and given a short time to live your attitudes to everything come into question. Work, money, become irrelevant. What can I do in just six months apart from arrange my funeral. I decided that I would tell my family and friends the whole truth.
My mother had gone into a seemingly self denial mode during her last months and though my father, older brothers and I new from talking to doctors at the hospital that she hadn't long to live. My younger sister Jasmin only knew she was very ill, she was 16 and I have two twin sisters who were 12 and a brother 14, who didn't have a clue. Jasmin always say's that she should have been told, though when she herself contracted cancer in 08 she refused initially to tell her three sons, who at that time were a lot older than I was 21, at the time mum was dying.
So I wanted everything out in the open.

Coming back to my funeral, I've decided a traditional Catholic funeral. Every body must ware something lime green, men a green tie for example. Its to symbolize new growth, rebirth and to brighten things, I've always hated all that black. The other reason for a Catholic ceremony is both my parents and a nephew (cot death) are buried in the same grave in a Catholic graveyard.
My sis Jasmin want's to be cremated and buried in a sort of canvas bag that breaks down and is quickly recyclable. She says she wants us to write messages on the bag. The distribution of the ashes takes place in some wood somewhere. First off I'm not into cremations, they remind me of Auschwitz. The canvas bag sounds all a bit too 'New Age', and the ashes in the woods sounds pagan, it will be unconsecrated ground.
Strangely when my sis told me of our funeral plans and wanting me too write on her coffin 'bag', I said:-

"Jasmin.... I won't be going to your funeral - you'll be going to mine!"

She looked at me as if I was crazy.but didn't say anything!

It did sound a bit crazy as she had been diagnosed with not just one but two forms of Cancer. I was fit as a fiddle.
I just knew though!

Anyway for my gravestone I've decided on two pieces of black granite that will form a rectangle but with the arm piece removed from each so when placed about four inches apart they form a larger stone but the gap will form a cross.
Can't decide on the music. My sisters think I should pick 3 tunes but Catholic funerals tend to be long drawn out affairs and I don't want to lengthen the process. Still I picked three but keep changing them.
I think I'm pretty sure about 2 of them:-





Can't think what should go in the middle....I know its a bit depressing but what do you think & what would be your three
I

 

[BULLDOG]

Once you have been told you have a terminal illness and given a short time to live your attitudes to everything come into question. Work, money, become irrelevant. What can I do in just six months apart from arrange my funeral. I decided that I would tell my family and friends the whole truth.
My mother had gone into a seemingly self denial mode during her last months and though my father, older brothers and I new from talking to doctors at the hospital that she hadn't long to live. My younger sister Jasmin only knew she was very ill, she was 16 and I have two twin sisters who were 12 and a brother 14, who didn't have a clue. Jasmin always say's that she should have been told, though when she herself contracted cancer in 08 she refused initially to tell her three sons, who at that time were a lot older than I was 21, at the time mum was dying.
So I wanted everything out in the open.
View attachment 353245

Coming back to my funeral, I've decided a traditional Catholic funeral. Every body must ware something lime green, men a green tie for example. Its to symbolize new growth, rebirth and to brighten things, I've always hated all that black. The other reason for a Catholic ceremony is both my parents and a nephew (cot death) are buried in the same grave in a Catholic graveyard.
My sis Jasmin want's to be cremated and buried in a sort of canvas bag that breaks down and is quickly recyclable. She says she wants us to write messages on the bag. The distribution of the ashes takes place in some wood somewhere. First off I'm not into cremations, they remind me of Auschwitz. The canvas bag sounds all a bit too 'New Age', and the ashes in the woods sounds pagan, it will be unconsecrated ground.
Strangely when my sis told me of our funeral plans and wanting me too write on her coffin 'bag', I said:-

"Jasmin.... I won't be going to your funeral - you'll be going to mine!"

She looked at me as if I was crazy.but didn't say anything!

It did sound a bit crazy as she had been diagnosed with not just one but two forms of Cancer. I was fit as a fiddle.
I just knew though!

Anyway for my gravestone I've decided on two pieces of black granite that will form a rectangle but with the arm piece removed from each so when placed about four inches apart they form a larger stone but the gap will form a cross.
Can't decide on the music. My sisters think I should pick 3 tunes but Catholic funerals tend to be long drawn out affairs and I don't want to lengthen the process. Still I picked three but keep changing them.
I think I'm pretty sure about 2 of them:-





Can't think what should go in the middle....I know its a bit depressing but what do you think & what would be your three
I

I think that after a certain age, everyone thinks about what their funeral should be like, even if they aren't facing medical problems. I haven't put a lot of thought into it, but somewhere during the event, I want it made clear to those that I love, and that ove me that i want them to cry or grieve all they feel they have to, a few days, but then they should go on with their lives. My death will end my life. I don't want it to unduely hinder theirs. Your choice of music is great for you, but for me, I will have them play this.

 

[Oz and the Orchestra]

I think that after a certain age, everyone thinks about what their funeral should be like, even if they aren't facing medical problems. I haven't put a lot of thought into it, but somewhere during the event, I want it made clear to those that I love, and that ove me that i want them to cry or grieve all they feel they have to, a few days, but then they should go on with their lives. My death will end my life. I don't want it to unduely hinder theirs. Your choice of music is great for you, but for me, I will have them play this.

My best mates mother died in 2007 again from cancer she had 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' played at her funeral. She wanted her ashes sprinkled in his back garden. Problem is he moved house and now the only way the family can pay their respects is by asking the new home owner, which I think could be problematic

I suppose there is always a risk that our death may adversely affect our loved ones, I just hope its not to too great a degree!

 

[Oz and the Orchestra]

It was a grey Wednesday morning when i arrived for yet another chemo session, around 5 hours of boredom awaited me when I arrived at Hematology/Oncology day care centre.
After a short wait in reception a young nurse appeared

"Oz" she called as she smiled.
"Hi, yea your new I haven't seen you before"
" Yea I'm Chloe, been here a week - just getting to learn the ropes- How are you feeling?"
"OK"
"Alright to have your treatment?"
"Yea"

She led me to a side room for my pre-meds.

" Hi!"
"Hi ya Stacey, everything alright?"
" Yea fine!"

I had a tube in my chest at the time having previously had one in my left arm - that got pulled out too far when a district nurse forgot to put the anchor (that holds it in place) back.
They then put a tube in my right arm. The nurse who did it that day Kate was very nervous and there was blood everywhere as she tried to find a vein and then work the tube up the vein and into my chest. Anyway two side affects - Chronic Constipation followed by periods of Diarrhea
and the runs caused me while running to the toilet to catch the tube on the door handle and pull it out. Again blood everywhere. I tied it up with electrical tape but it became infected.
The District Nurse Sharon, who's job it was to come to my house, take my pump off and clean around the tube said:-

" How long has your arm been in this state?"
"About a week!"
"You need to go straight to the hospital!"
" I can't I've got a tiler coming to lay the tiles!"

I had bought very expensive Italian marble tiles with red streaks through them to do my living room and hall.

" Eh what's more important - tiles or keeping your arm?"

I took her advice!
They had to take the tube out and put me on antibiotics to kill the infection.
A few weeks later I got a new tube but was led to a theater where a surgeon and his staff all decked out in green overalls and face masks was waiting.

" A nurse put it in last time" I said.

The nurse who brought me there said :-

"O I'm sorry, did no one explain.....your having this tube in your chest and it has to be done by a surgeon!"

Any way that was all in the past.
Stacey took the usual blood pressure, temperature etc. While young Chloe took my book and started to fill it in. I had four different chemicals pumped in. An anti sickness, a steroid and a pain killer and an anti nausea. Each only took about ten minutes.

" Must be some mistake...... sez here you've had 93 treatments!" Said Chloe

Stacey glanced over at her:-

" Na its no mistake - Oz is hardcore!"

 

[Oz and the Orchestra]

One night Abs rang me:-

"Have you heard of 'Collide Silver'?....You need to go on Youtube Dr Bob Beck Lecture!"
"Na" I said "but I don't fancy drinking anything with metal in it!"
I'd have felt guilty if I hadn't at least given it a look but wasn't that interested.



Bit of a character is Bob but instead of making one of his electronic zappers I simply bought one that can both make collide silver and be used with the electrodes attached to the wrists to zap pathogens in the blood stream.
I used them for about a month to start with. All your blood goes around your body every seven minutes so using the device for an hour cleans the blood. Apparently cancer cells have their antennae that they need to lock on to healthy
cells damaged and can't. It also damages their body so they can't reproduce.
There is an enormous number of pathogens that can live in the blood from simple fungi, yeast, mould. through to bacteria's, and serious diseases Hepatitis, HIV, Cancers etc. We are born free of them but inhale many of them as we grow up. All living things have to eat and basically shit in your blood.
Having zapped them by electrolysis You need to clear out the dead pathogens and collide silver water is drank as it both smothers any remaining pathogens and helps clear them out of your system, otherwise you may feel ill for a few days. Collide silver was used by the Victorians before modern medicines.
I remember an appointment with Dr Shen my Cancer Consultant where he said my blood count had gone from 5 to 6 which isn't unusual but then straight down to 4 which is unheard of. The next time he saw me he remarked my blood count had now dropped to 3.

"I don't know what is going on with your blood?" He remarked.

Of course I didn't tell him I was using an alternative treatment.