There was an old gal wandering around the supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Cri-i-i-i sssssssco!" Soon a store clerk approached. "Ma'am, the Crisco is in aisle D." The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, I am calling my husband." "Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old woman answered, "Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public." "Well, what do you call him when you are at home?" "Lard ass."