CONTEST to help out the President in his quest for the perfect apology!

[Liability]

Instead of CARPING about the President's endless need to apologize to everyone else on earth about all things America, I say it's time to help the child-king out.

I propose a contest.

The winner shall receive gobs of pos rep from the rest of us.

Here's what I suggest is needed.

Please DRAFT an appropriate apology for the TOTUS, so that President Obama can READ it with the full force of his oratorical conviction.

To start off, obviously, it is EVIDENT that he has to apologize to al qaeda.

So, help draft his speech. It may help if you think of it as a major address to the nation, possibly to be given DURING an appearance on the "Chris Matthews thrill up my leg Hour" OR on the "Bill Maher if he was funny this would be a comedy show Show." Or, I guess he could trot back to Letterman.

Get those speech-writer creative juices flowing.

Go!

 

[WillowTree]

Pardon us for living." We lost our heads."

 

[Zoom-boing]

 

[Liability]

Good evening.

I come to you tonight from (the Oval Office, the set of The ____ Show or from a Greek-Column Amphitheater).

I address the American people, but mostly I speak in the name of the American people. I also speak to al qaeda.

I -- uh -- just want to say, we're sorry.

We had those towers up in New York City and we realize, now, how offensive that display of acquired wealth must have been to you and all you peace-loving, Allah-fearing Muslims. Clearly, we needed to be chastised and, frankly, we appreciate how diligent you were in applying the rod to our collective ass.

Since I assumed the position of the stewardship of the American government, I trust you all see how hard I have been working to make amends. For example, uhm , we are just beginning, at long last, to pay your people properly for the oil you provide to us. As I -- uhm -- say, it is a good start. But there is more -- ah -- to DO.

This is why I am proposing tonight a new surcharge on gasoline. It will be approximately equivalent to the current price per gallon of gasoline at our fuel pumps. This will double the price per gallon of gasoline in America to raise it to the standards previously deemed European. I apologize to Europe, too, for not following your brilliant lead more swiftly and completely. But back to the gasoline surcharge:

The entire surcharge will be given to our Muslim brothers as a show of respect for your efforts to bring that oil to us. Let's call it a Jizyah in the spirit of the moment.

I also am proposing tonight a temporary suspension of the Constitutional Amendment that permits certain irresponsible Americans to abuse in a manner offensive to Islam the freedom of speech (which we cherish) . Those who speak ill of the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) in word or any form of electronic communication shall be held accountable for what we will subserviently call a "hate crime."

Enough is enough.

Someday, Allah willing, the minarets of America will call the faithful to prayer with the sweet sounds I recall from my youth.

All this and more I pledge to you, as I apologize for our atrocious behavior of these past 11 years and more.

Good night my Muslim Brothers and Sisters, good night to the American people and may Allah bless each and every one of you. And no no, not God Bless America. No. God DAYUM America.

 

[CrusaderFrank]

America is a place where you are free to pursue your dreams, where no matter what your background or economic status if you come here with an idea and are willing to work to see it manifest, it can be done.

And for that I am sorry.

 

[Conservative]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zANvYB93u2g]Well, excuse me.mpg - YouTube[/ame]

...and Obama must wear the white suit and balloon animal hat during the apology.

 

[BlindBoo]

"We condemn that movie"
"We condemn your violence"
"We praise free speech, even offensive speech"

 

[Ravi]

My fellow Americans.

I am sorry that the Republican Party could not come up with a credible candidate this time around.

I have come to pity Mitt Romney deeply and believe that when he bows out, gracefully or not, you should all be kind to his remaining supporters, however few will admit to being his former supporters.

The Republican Party has made a mockery of this election season. You had so few credible opposing candidates. Perry. Newt. *snicker* Cain. Romney.

I think we live in a great country but we need a credible opposing party to keep us on our toes. Sadly, the Republican Party is not that party.

It was never my intent to run against such an inept person as Mitt Romney, and this landslide victory is less about me than it is of the great failure of the GOP.

Thank you. The first dance belongs to the divine Mrs. O!

 

[Conservative]

We're so sorry, dear Al Queda,
We're so sorry if we caused you any pain.
We're so sorry, dear Al Queda,
But there's no one left to kill
And i'm so easy led astray....

 

[Liability]

OR, it MIGHT yet happen that President Obama will apologize to all the gullible libs who believed his endless litany of horseshit.

Try some filthy terrorists held in Gitmo IN a New York City Court of LAW? Hey. He and his idiot AG wanted to do that. But, in a moment of unexpected lucidity, even the sub-moron incumbent had to back down. He owes you libs and APOLOGY!

And what about GITMO itself? It's STILL fucking open for bidness. The President OWES you libs an APOLOGY, dad-gummit!

And the unemployment rate? STILL over 8 fucking percent even with the bogus manipulation of the numbers! He owes everybody an apology.

His energy "policy?" The damn fuckwit owes all Americans an apology.

The damn SEAS have NOT receded. He owes the entire WORLD an apology.

But, still. It was you mindless sheep libs who bought his bullshit. He REALLY owes you dopes the apologies.

 

[Decus]

Apologize once a day (or more). If you don't know what we did wrong, someone in some part of the world does, and will be happy to tell us how we transgressed. If words fail you, please remember to bow, because showing your ass is worth a thousand words.

 

[tyroneweaver]

I was against free speech before I was for it.

 

[Ravi]

My fellow Americans.

I'm sorry my mere existence has made people like Liability go into full blown meltdown.

But luckily, there is medicine to alleviate his symptoms.

 

[Liability]

My fellow Americans.

I'm sorry my mere existence has made people like Liability go into full blown meltdown.

But luckily, there is medicine to alleviate his symptoms.

Because making fun of that dolt is the same as a "meltdown."

Raving Lunatic may be a lot of things, but honest isn't one of them.