Finally some information we can depend on. April 8, 2007. Newsflash!!!! Al Gore took time out of his flights around the country to visit relatives this am to disclose his newest findings. The Easter Bunny, children and Santa Claus are responsible for the newest rash of global warming!!!!! That's right race fans, there you have it, Al has disclosed the result of his new research. Children are ruining the planet. That's right. The excitement they display at Christian holiday festivities is burning entirely too much oxygen. It is ruining the atmosphere. The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are still visiting entirely too many residences which causes exertion and thereby they are wasting energy. This is causing an imbalance in the oxygen / carbon monoxide ratio on planet earth thereby enlarging the black hole that will eventually swallow our grandchildren. At least he used more accurate data this time to compile his report than of recent. This news may not become apparent to all readers today quite as quickly as everyone would like cause the country was so damn frozen this morning with record setting low tempatures. Some newspapers were frozen to the damn driveways and people decided to allow them to thaw before going out to pick them up. Some newspaper carriers had trouble starting their cars this am but global warming helped out in the late morning hours and everyone should be aware of these new findings by about 2pm or so. Stand by for breaking news.