Lord Long Rod
Diamond Member
- Jan 17, 2023
- 7,706
- 8,122
- 2,138
- Banned
- #1
While walking through the woods one day a Sasquatch named Thomas Jefferson (referred to as “TJ” hereinafter) ran into a young hipster who was looking for something called “magic mushrooms”. Clearly, the kid was high because the sight of the 13 ft tall Bigfoot did not even frighten the kid. In fact, the kid unsuccessfully tried to order a cheeseburger from TJ.
TJ asked the kid what he was doing out in the woods. The kid said he was looking for mushrooms so he could get high. Then the kid asked TJ if he knew where to find these mushrooms. TJ shook his head at the kid and said, “Son, high and stupid is no way to go through life.”
Then TJ looked at the kid and sincerely asked him “Son, are you a LOSER?” The kid replied, “Hey, man, I am not going to tolerate your micro aggressions!”
TJ threw his head back and laughed! After a couple moments he was able to pull himself together. He told the kid that he would give him the “loser test”. If the kid passes, thereby proving he is not a loser, then TJ will show him where to find hallucinatory mushrooms. TJ did not, however, reveal that he and the other Bigfoot in his clan use the mushroom patch as a great big area to shit. The fact is, the forest people know better than to eat those poisonous mushrooms. Only a fucking loser does that!!
TJ began. “Question one. Do you have a job?”
The kid responded, “More micro-aggressions, man! It’s a false paradigm to measure a person by whether he has a job. That paradigm is forced upon us by the industrial corporate capital oligarchy machine in order to keep us down, throat under boot, while they exploit us for labor and steal the value of our labor from us in order to enrich themselves!! It’s all total bullshit, bruh!”
TJ was rolling on the ground laughing his butt off at the utter ignorance and stupidity being displayed by this kid. It was like he lived in another reality. After a few minutes TJ was able to pull himself together and continued with the questioning.
“Ok, kid, what do you do for money?”, asked TJ.
The kid said “Well, I work as a barista in a small independent coffee shop. I get paid for working for the common good of providing lattes to my fellow proletariat.”
TJ was intrigued. He asked a follow up. “So, do you make a lot of money?”
The kid responded “No way, man! I am a low income worker! You see, all the wealth is controlled by the corporate oligarchs, who stole their money from proletariat labor through greed and unfair manipulation. If not for those crooks I would have money, lots of money!”
TJ was now really perplexed. He said “Look, uh, kid, you know that wealth is not finite in a capitalist system, right? Wealth continuously grows. Heck, economic growth is what the GDP measures. You ever heard of “GDP”? Just because some group of people have a lot of money, that has absolutely nothing to do with why YOU don’t have any money.”
The kid just sat there with a blank look on his face while TJ spoke. Then he jumped up and yelled, “MASSCORPORATISTELITISTISTCAPUTALISTINDUSTRIALCOMPLEXRACISTGREEDMONGERS!!!!!!”
TJ rolled his eyes at the mindless outburst of buzz words from the kid. He then continued, “Ok, kid, if you want to improve your life then you need to earn more money. Your compensation is measured by the MARKET VALUE of the service/labor you have to sell. What you must do is determine what type of service is in great need whereby people are willing to pay a lot for it. Then get yourself an education and/or skills in this area, followed by an apprenticeship. Thereafter, you will be able to sell your service and labor at a premium.”
The kid replied, “No way, bruh! The education system is corrupt. We need free education! And a free guaranteed minimum income at a living wage level so we can afford to live while we are getting our free education.”
TJ is starting to lose his patience with the idiot. “Look, kid, nobody ever said that life would be easy. But you cannot be a fucking crybaby your entire life. You may have to work while in school. You may have to take some low wage jobs in order to work your way up. That’s life. But nobody is holding you back. There are no bogeymen. There is no multinational global/corporate industrial complex THING working to hold you down. YOU ARE NOTHING! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU IF NOT YOURSELF! YOU ARE FREE TO DO AND BE WHATEVER YOU WANT. YOU ARE THE ARCHITECT OF YOUR OWN EXISTENCE! DO YOU GET IT?!??”
The kid did retort “That’s bullshit, man! You are a fascist! Those are capitalist lies founded upon colonial principles to keep the proletariat down. The system is rigged against us. You only get a share of the wealth if you play their game and they decide to make you one of THEM. It’s capitalism man, it’s evil. It led to colonialism and slavery, which are also evil, and RACIST. We do not consent to that! That’s fascist! Anything they do and say is racist, fascist, and greed! Nobody in power can be trusted. Even if they go into it in good faith, once they accept their first dollar they are now part of the corrupt system! The corrupt, racist, greedy system! It’s a DEATH CULT!!
TJ raised his right hand. He was tired of listening to this bullshit. He said “The mushroom are over there behind you, in that pine thicket. Go get them and then get the fuck out of these woods.”
TJ again did not tell the stupid kid that the mushroom grounds are where the Bigfoot clan shits.
TJ asked the kid what he was doing out in the woods. The kid said he was looking for mushrooms so he could get high. Then the kid asked TJ if he knew where to find these mushrooms. TJ shook his head at the kid and said, “Son, high and stupid is no way to go through life.”
Then TJ looked at the kid and sincerely asked him “Son, are you a LOSER?” The kid replied, “Hey, man, I am not going to tolerate your micro aggressions!”
TJ threw his head back and laughed! After a couple moments he was able to pull himself together. He told the kid that he would give him the “loser test”. If the kid passes, thereby proving he is not a loser, then TJ will show him where to find hallucinatory mushrooms. TJ did not, however, reveal that he and the other Bigfoot in his clan use the mushroom patch as a great big area to shit. The fact is, the forest people know better than to eat those poisonous mushrooms. Only a fucking loser does that!!
TJ began. “Question one. Do you have a job?”
The kid responded, “More micro-aggressions, man! It’s a false paradigm to measure a person by whether he has a job. That paradigm is forced upon us by the industrial corporate capital oligarchy machine in order to keep us down, throat under boot, while they exploit us for labor and steal the value of our labor from us in order to enrich themselves!! It’s all total bullshit, bruh!”
TJ was rolling on the ground laughing his butt off at the utter ignorance and stupidity being displayed by this kid. It was like he lived in another reality. After a few minutes TJ was able to pull himself together and continued with the questioning.
“Ok, kid, what do you do for money?”, asked TJ.
The kid said “Well, I work as a barista in a small independent coffee shop. I get paid for working for the common good of providing lattes to my fellow proletariat.”
TJ was intrigued. He asked a follow up. “So, do you make a lot of money?”
The kid responded “No way, man! I am a low income worker! You see, all the wealth is controlled by the corporate oligarchs, who stole their money from proletariat labor through greed and unfair manipulation. If not for those crooks I would have money, lots of money!”
TJ was now really perplexed. He said “Look, uh, kid, you know that wealth is not finite in a capitalist system, right? Wealth continuously grows. Heck, economic growth is what the GDP measures. You ever heard of “GDP”? Just because some group of people have a lot of money, that has absolutely nothing to do with why YOU don’t have any money.”
The kid just sat there with a blank look on his face while TJ spoke. Then he jumped up and yelled, “MASSCORPORATISTELITISTISTCAPUTALISTINDUSTRIALCOMPLEXRACISTGREEDMONGERS!!!!!!”
TJ rolled his eyes at the mindless outburst of buzz words from the kid. He then continued, “Ok, kid, if you want to improve your life then you need to earn more money. Your compensation is measured by the MARKET VALUE of the service/labor you have to sell. What you must do is determine what type of service is in great need whereby people are willing to pay a lot for it. Then get yourself an education and/or skills in this area, followed by an apprenticeship. Thereafter, you will be able to sell your service and labor at a premium.”
The kid replied, “No way, bruh! The education system is corrupt. We need free education! And a free guaranteed minimum income at a living wage level so we can afford to live while we are getting our free education.”
TJ is starting to lose his patience with the idiot. “Look, kid, nobody ever said that life would be easy. But you cannot be a fucking crybaby your entire life. You may have to work while in school. You may have to take some low wage jobs in order to work your way up. That’s life. But nobody is holding you back. There are no bogeymen. There is no multinational global/corporate industrial complex THING working to hold you down. YOU ARE NOTHING! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU IF NOT YOURSELF! YOU ARE FREE TO DO AND BE WHATEVER YOU WANT. YOU ARE THE ARCHITECT OF YOUR OWN EXISTENCE! DO YOU GET IT?!??”
The kid did retort “That’s bullshit, man! You are a fascist! Those are capitalist lies founded upon colonial principles to keep the proletariat down. The system is rigged against us. You only get a share of the wealth if you play their game and they decide to make you one of THEM. It’s capitalism man, it’s evil. It led to colonialism and slavery, which are also evil, and RACIST. We do not consent to that! That’s fascist! Anything they do and say is racist, fascist, and greed! Nobody in power can be trusted. Even if they go into it in good faith, once they accept their first dollar they are now part of the corrupt system! The corrupt, racist, greedy system! It’s a DEATH CULT!!
TJ raised his right hand. He was tired of listening to this bullshit. He said “The mushroom are over there behind you, in that pine thicket. Go get them and then get the fuck out of these woods.”
TJ again did not tell the stupid kid that the mushroom grounds are where the Bigfoot clan shits.
