A friend died today

[syrenn]

((((hugs))))

 

[Againsheila]

The mother of the boy who stayed with me this winter (my kids' older brother's mom). He isn't with me now, he went home, she came to get him the week after Easter, so at least he had a few weeks with her.

Her two older sons were mad at her and have been treating her very harshly since she left her husband and started seeing another man. She was very happy when she died (car wreck), had a lovely mother's day she said.

I haven't been able to reach the boy...I've left him messages, called his grandparents (who aren't picking up yet). Poor, poor boys....the one I had was closest to her, and this is going to ruin him.

I'm sorry for your loss, prayers being sent your way, and for the family of the deceased.

 

[Foxfyre]

Sometimes KG, we just have to accept that we are powerless in a particular situation, and you are wise to put the welfare of your children at the forefront. You do have power to do that and you chose wisely. Don't beat yourself up for what you are unable to do. Your heart is in the right place because you care so deeply for those children. Your head is in the right place that your priorities have to be elsewhere no matter how much that hurts. And then trust/hope that everything will work out the way it should. ((hugs))

 

[High_Gravity]

Sorry for your loss, I lost a friend of mine this past weekend also to cancer, she had 2 young girls.

I've lost all my best friends. One was shot in the face (murdered), another died of a heroin overdose and the other died in a car accident...

10+ acquaintances of mine passed, mostly from drug overdoses.

I was 15 years old when my first best buddy was murdered - it was really difficult for me to deal with, I cried for a good 2-3 hours straight.

I can't imagine what those kids are feeling right now...... It kills your soul when someone you love dies....

I am sorry for your loss, I have had friends die in the past but not nearly as much as you, a family friend of mine died about 7 years ago from a heroin overdose. A kid that I got into 2 fights in high school and totally beat his ass also died from a heroin overdose coincidentally, that was like 10 years ago though. My friend who died from cancer her kids were very young, the oldest was 8 and the youngest is barely 2, they will basically grow up not knowing their mother.

 

[Si modo]

Sorry..for your loss.

Sorry for your loss, KG.

 

[Truthmatters]

how very sad.

I hope the best for all concerned.

Sometimes people can amze you with what they can deal with.

These boys may find themselves a decent path, you never know and can only hope for the best

 

[asaratis]

My condolences for the loss of your friend. I have lost several over the years. It is painful every single time. Be thankful for the good times you had. Do not dwell on memories of the bad.

 

[BDBoop]

I don't want to go through that, but of course we all age ... beats the alternative. But I have THE most amazing friends, of 30 years or more, and my heart hurts just at the thought of losing them.

Or my sister.

 

[Mr.Nick]

Sorry for your loss, I lost a friend of mine this past weekend also to cancer, she had 2 young girls.

I've lost all my best friends. One was shot in the face (murdered), another died of a heroin overdose and the other died in a car accident...

10+ acquaintances of mine passed, mostly from drug overdoses.

I was 15 years old when my first best buddy was murdered - it was really difficult for me to deal with, I cried for a good 2-3 hours straight.

I can't imagine what those kids are feeling right now...... It kills your soul when someone you love dies....

I am sorry for your loss, I have had friends die in the past but not nearly as much as you, a family friend of mine died about 7 years ago from a heroin overdose. A kid that I got into 2 fights in high school and totally beat his ass also died from a heroin overdose coincidentally, that was like 10 years ago though. My friend who died from cancer her kids were very young, the oldest was 8 and the youngest is barely 2, they will basically grow up not knowing their mother.

Well, I really wasn't that shocked about my buddy who died from the heroin OD (I stopped hanging out with him when he started using heroin daily), The one who died in the car accident was always reckless..... But my buddy that got shot in the face, that is a different story. Me and his brother were best friends since we were 4 years old (he was 6), so me and his brother grew up together. He was actually set up to be murdered by his drivers ed instructor (seriously)... They stopped at a stop sign and a dude walked up to the car and put a 38 slug in his face at point-blank range (gang related). The sad part is (at 17) he just had a kid. Well a few years later the mother of the Kid (his babies mom) got AIDS, and his brother (my other best friend) did something really messed up (in 1997) and he's been in prison ever since (he will be out in November)..

 

[High_Gravity]

I've lost all my best friends. One was shot in the face (murdered), another died of a heroin overdose and the other died in a car accident...

10+ acquaintances of mine passed, mostly from drug overdoses.

I was 15 years old when my first best buddy was murdered - it was really difficult for me to deal with, I cried for a good 2-3 hours straight.

I can't imagine what those kids are feeling right now...... It kills your soul when someone you love dies....

I am sorry for your loss, I have had friends die in the past but not nearly as much as you, a family friend of mine died about 7 years ago from a heroin overdose. A kid that I got into 2 fights in high school and totally beat his ass also died from a heroin overdose coincidentally, that was like 10 years ago though. My friend who died from cancer her kids were very young, the oldest was 8 and the youngest is barely 2, they will basically grow up not knowing their mother.

Well, I really wasn't that shocked about my buddy who died from the heroin OD (I stopped hanging out with him when he started using heroin daily), The one who died in the car accident was always reckless..... But my buddy that got shot in the face, that is a different story. Me and his brother were best friends since we were 4 years old (he was 6), so me and his brother grew up together. He was actually set up to be murdered by his drivers ed instructor (seriously)... They stopped at a stop sign and a dude walked up to the car and put a 38 slug in his face at point-blank range (gang related). The sad part is (at 17) he just had a kid. Well a few years later the mother of the Kid (his babies mom) got AIDS, and his brother (my other best friend) did something really messed up (in 1997) and he's been in prison ever since (he will be out in November)..

Wow thats alot of stuff to deal with, sounds like you have lost quite a few people close to you.

 

[ginscpy]

Sorry for your loss, I lost a friend of mine this past weekend also to cancer, she had 2 young girls.

I've lost all my best friends. One was shot in the face (murdered), another died of a heroin overdose and the other died in a car accident...

10+ acquaintances of mine passed, mostly from drug overdoses.

I was 15 years old when my first best buddy was murdered - it was really difficult for me to deal with, I cried for a good 2-3 hours straight.

I can't imagine what those kids are feeling right now...... It kills your soul when someone you love dies....

Sounds like you hang out with a tough crowd.

 

[BDBoop]

Sorry for your loss, I lost a friend of mine this past weekend also to cancer, she had 2 young girls.

I've lost all my best friends. One was shot in the face (murdered), another died of a heroin overdose and the other died in a car accident...

10+ acquaintances of mine passed, mostly from drug overdoses.

I was 15 years old when my first best buddy was murdered - it was really difficult for me to deal with, I cried for a good 2-3 hours straight.

I can't imagine what those kids are feeling right now...... It kills your soul when someone you love dies....

Sounds like you hang out with a tough crowd.

That doesn't make the losses any easier to bear.

 

[Mr.Nick]

I am sorry for your loss, I have had friends die in the past but not nearly as much as you, a family friend of mine died about 7 years ago from a heroin overdose. A kid that I got into 2 fights in high school and totally beat his ass also died from a heroin overdose coincidentally, that was like 10 years ago though. My friend who died from cancer her kids were very young, the oldest was 8 and the youngest is barely 2, they will basically grow up not knowing their mother.

Well, I really wasn't that shocked about my buddy who died from the heroin OD (I stopped hanging out with him when he started using heroin daily), The one who died in the car accident was always reckless..... But my buddy that got shot in the face, that is a different story. Me and his brother were best friends since we were 4 years old (he was 6), so me and his brother grew up together. He was actually set up to be murdered by his drivers ed instructor (seriously)... They stopped at a stop sign and a dude walked up to the car and put a 38 slug in his face at point-blank range (gang related). The sad part is (at 17) he just had a kid. Well a few years later the mother of the Kid (his babies mom) got AIDS, and his brother (my other best friend) did something really messed up (in 1997) and he's been in prison ever since (he will be out in November)..

Wow thats alot of stuff to deal with, sounds like you have lost quite a few people close to you.

Yeah, but it was a long time ago. I cleaned my life up, got an education and am not the same kid I was back then. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I want anything to do with my buddy when he gets out of prison in November. Hes just been in for too long (15 years) and I don't know if he could even assimilate to my present lifestyle.... Realistically hes been in prison longer than I have known him on the outside (or free) world, but it still doesn't change the fact that he is almost like a brother to me and a son to my parents.

It's a real difficult situation with that guy, I mean I sill love him like a brother and he has little to no family to go to when he is released, but if I do let him back into my life he will definitely have to be different than who he was when he went in..... He was briefly out in 2000 but he caught a new case 8 months later and was sentenced to 16 years. He just has a habit with hanging with the wrong people. Considering he spent half his life in prison I would think he is pretty much "institutionalized."

Considering his release is in November It's been on my mind - what the right thing to do would be with him, especially if he has no where to go.

The last thing I want is him coming to me for help and a place to say and then he hooks back up with the same dude that got him into trouble in the first place.....

IDK...

 

[koshergrl]

Given the speed with which he reoffended last time..I'd say cut him loose.

That's the advice I'd give my sons (and have).

And it's advice I would (and have) follow(ed).

 

[Mr.Nick]

Sorry for your loss, I lost a friend of mine this past weekend also to cancer, she had 2 young girls.

I've lost all my best friends. One was shot in the face (murdered), another died of a heroin overdose and the other died in a car accident...

10+ acquaintances of mine passed, mostly from drug overdoses.

I was 15 years old when my first best buddy was murdered - it was really difficult for me to deal with, I cried for a good 2-3 hours straight.

I can't imagine what those kids are feeling right now...... It kills your soul when someone you love dies....

Sounds like you hang out with a tough crowd.

More like my friends got more involved in drugs and gangs than I did...

Sure, I was involved in both but not deep.... I mean we had cliques but I never got involved in the hard shit, or hard drugs...

Sure I smoked pot, did coke occasionally and popped a pill every now an again, but some were more involved than others and their excess/wildness lead to their deaths...

I'm one of the few that made it to see 30...

I enjoy drinking beer, shooting darts and playing pool - not the crazy shit we used to do.

You know, when a young individual you're close to dies, it makes you think about your own mortality, and how being a reckless individual can have you in a jar or 6 feet deep.

The reckless shit, the drug shit and the tough guy gangsta shit is only fun until one of you dies.....

When you see that shit perpetually happening you will change your ways. You won't forget, and you won't really be a different person, you will just be more tolerant and understanding when it comes to issues that pertain to that "tough crowed or lifestyle" you'll be more passive, but you will always be who you are. An individual can change, but they cant forget, or change the past.

 

[Mr.Nick]

Given the speed with which he reoffended last time..I'd say cut him loose.

That's the advice I'd give my sons (and have).

And it's advice I would (and have) follow(ed).

Yeah, I'm leaning in that direction 90%.....

It will still hurt a lot considering this kid is like family, I mean I have known him longer than I have known my sister (24) and brother (21).... Hell I have known this guy 28 years and I'm 32.

I'm thinking if he can walk a straight line for a year or two, I will certainly welcome him back into the family and so will my parents.

My parents wanted to adopt the kid when he was about 7 or 8 because he came from a broken home.... Every time his name comes up my mom always said "we should have adopted him."

He's had a rough and tough life and it is very-very sad what he has gone through.

 

[koshergrl]

I hear ya. I know exactly what you're going through.

That's sort of the dilemma I was facing with my stepson...I think he can come around, and I think I could facilitate it over the next 4 years...but at what price to my younger kids? So I sent him home. Of course, I would never have even brought him here if his mom hadn't lied to me about his behavior issues in school...maybe she just wasn't aware of them, but I find that soooo hard to believe. I don't see how he could be testing at 4th grade level, with an IEP in place for years, and she just *didn't know*.

And I'm glad I did at this point, thank goodness he got to spend some time with his mom.

Who knows, it might be a good thing for your friend if you do that.

 

[Mr.Nick]

I hear ya. I know exactly what you're going through.

That's sort of the dilemma I was facing with my stepson...I think he can come around, and I think I could do it...but at what price to my younger kids? So I sent him home.

And I'm glad I did at this point, thank goodness he got to spend some time with his mom.

Who knows, it might be a good thing for your friend if you do that.

I highly doubt my friend even knows where his mom is.....

Her first son ran away at 16 never to return, her second kid was a daughter, she joined the Army (the only one of the kids that succeeded any anything), her third kid was murdered, her fourth kid (the friend in question) has been in prison pretty much since 1997, her fifth kid is the son of a child molester (his father molested the woman who went into the army) and went to prison for it.... Not to mention I have no idea what happened to the son of the child molester.

My friend really doesn't have anything to go to....

I just don't want to leave the guy alone in the world with no one, considering how fucked up of a family he came from.

If he flies straight he does have a family, my family.

 

[High_Gravity]

Well, I really wasn't that shocked about my buddy who died from the heroin OD (I stopped hanging out with him when he started using heroin daily), The one who died in the car accident was always reckless..... But my buddy that got shot in the face, that is a different story. Me and his brother were best friends since we were 4 years old (he was 6), so me and his brother grew up together. He was actually set up to be murdered by his drivers ed instructor (seriously)... They stopped at a stop sign and a dude walked up to the car and put a 38 slug in his face at point-blank range (gang related). The sad part is (at 17) he just had a kid. Well a few years later the mother of the Kid (his babies mom) got AIDS, and his brother (my other best friend) did something really messed up (in 1997) and he's been in prison ever since (he will be out in November)..

Wow thats alot of stuff to deal with, sounds like you have lost quite a few people close to you.

Yeah, but it was a long time ago. I cleaned my life up, got an education and am not the same kid I was back then. Honestly, I'm not even sure if I want anything to do with my buddy when he gets out of prison in November. Hes just been in for too long (15 years) and I don't know if he could even assimilate to my present lifestyle.... Realistically hes been in prison longer than I have known him on the outside (or free) world, but it still doesn't change the fact that he is almost like a brother to me and a son to my parents.

It's a real difficult situation with that guy, I mean I sill love him like a brother and he has little to no family to go to when he is released, but if I do let him back into my life he will definitely have to be different than who he was when he went in..... He was briefly out in 2000 but he caught a new case 8 months later and was sentenced to 16 years. He just has a habit with hanging with the wrong people. Considering he spent half his life in prison I would think he is pretty much "institutionalized."

Considering his release is in November It's been on my mind - what the right thing to do would be with him, especially if he has no where to go.

The last thing I want is him coming to me for help and a place to say and then he hooks back up with the same dude that got him into trouble in the first place.....

IDK...

Be very careful with that bro, if he has been in 15 years he will be institutionalized, if he wasn't a criminal before he went in he would have to be one to survive in there. When I was in the Air Force a friend of mine rented a room in his apartment to a guy who was an ex felon, the guy NEVER Paid his share of the rent and was always bringing people around with drugs and shit, my friend could never get rid of him until the guy failed a piss test at his PO's office and had to go back to Wasco for a 6 month bid.

 

[High_Gravity]

Given the speed with which he reoffended last time..I'd say cut him loose.

That's the advice I'd give my sons (and have).

And it's advice I would (and have) follow(ed).

Yeah, I'm leaning in that direction 90%.....

It will still hurt a lot considering this kid is like family, I mean I have known him longer than I have known my sister (24) and brother (21).... Hell I have known this guy 28 years and I'm 32.

I'm thinking if he can walk a straight line for a year or two, I will certainly welcome him back into the family and so will my parents.

My parents wanted to adopt the kid when he was about 7 or 8 because he came from a broken home.... Every time his name comes up my mom always said "we should have adopted him."

He's had a rough and tough life and it is very-very sad what he has gone through.

I think I've told you about this already but my brother sounds alot like your friend, he didn't do a large bid like that buy my brother is a total loser, drug addict and deadbeat father. I haven't spoken to him since 2008 and I don't plan on changing it, the dude is a total fuck up and ruins everything he touches and I don't want to be involved in that, my parents tried to get him in the Army and he made it through basic but once they let him go on leave for 2 weeks he did cocaine, than when he reported to Fort Benning for technical training they gave him a piss test and he was thrown out. Since than he has fathered 2 children he cares nothing about, he was happy and interested for like a few weeks after the first one was born than after that he went back to doing drugs, selling drugs half assed, playing XBOX 360 all day, sleeping all night, beating his girlfriend and cheating on her. My dad has been sending this asshole over $1000 a month for the past 6 years and most of that goes to drugs.

His 2 kids got taken away by CPS in California after one of the kids swallowed a percocit the asshole left out, they had to go the emergency room and the kid almost died. The second child was born with all sorts of problems since both him and the mother were doing drugs during the pregnancy, the child has seizures regularly and has to go to the hospital. The only reason I know all this is because my dad keeps me in the loop, he has been paying for everything for my dumb ass brother, his girlfriend and their 2 kids. I choose not to have anything to do with him because he is fucking poison and just bad, he will never get right. He did a 1 year bid is Wasco for an assortment of charges mainly drug possession and beating his girlfriend, he tried to call me 3 times after he got out but I never returned his calls.