A friend died today

[koshergrl]

The mother of the boy who stayed with me this winter (my kids' older brother's mom). He isn't with me now, he went home, she came to get him the week after Easter, so at least he had a few weeks with her.

Her two older sons were mad at her and have been treating her very harshly since she left her husband and started seeing another man. She was very happy when she died (car wreck), had a lovely mother's day she said.

I haven't been able to reach the boy...I've left him messages, called his grandparents (who aren't picking up yet). Poor, poor boys....the one I had was closest to her, and this is going to ruin him.

 

[BDBoop]

I'm so sorry for your loss. How old are her sons?

 

[koshergrl]

14 and 15 and 18, and troubled already. This is a bad thing for anyone..for the two younger, it's absolutely devastating. They were barely hanging on as it was..this is going to ruin them. Forget about the rest of the school year, and they will probably never go back. Her ex was driving the car...and the chances are very good he was drunk, though maybe, just maybe, that particular nightmare will pass them by this time. It would be nice if every single strike that could possibly be made against kids wasn't actually made against them, they've got so many against them already. They're Indian, alcoholism, domestic violence, grinding poverty is their inheritance from both sides of the family. Plus one has a speech impediment, and their behavior issues means that neither one of them is functioning anywhere near grade level in any part of their lives, emotional, behavioral, or academic. I'm praying their dad will step up and stop drinking and be a father, but I doubt he will. I imagine he'll take the boys and the social security they will now receive...I doubt if he'll do anything else except continue to be an abusive, worthless pos.

I just can't take them and I feel horrible..but they aren't good around my kids; their behavior is too extreme and I can't make that trade off...my kids' well being for theirs..especially when there are no guarantees that it would help them in the long run. They might still go off the rails, and then I've ransomed my kids' well-being for a pipe dream....

But it just kills me.

 

[BDBoop]

All you can do (and I say that like it's the least you can do, when it is really the most you can do) is pray that another option will come to pass.

 

[Artevelde]

Sorry to hear that.

 

[trams]

Sorry about your friend KG.

 

[bigrebnc1775]

My thoughts go out to the family .

 

[editec]

Tragic.

It really bites when you can see these human tragedies brewing and can't do anything about it, too.

 

[Peach]

My thoughts go out to the family .

Mine also; sorry to learn of your loss, and the children's.

 

[koshergrl]

I have heard from the older brother, but not from the two younger. I imagine they're with their grandma and grandpa, and the rest of their mom's family.

 

[High_Gravity]

Sorry for your loss, I lost a friend of mine this past weekend also to cancer, she had 2 young girls.

 

[Sallow]

Sorry..for your loss.

 

[koshergrl]

So the latest I've heard is that the driver wasn't drinking, that's a blessing. At least they will be spared that particular nightmare.

Thanks for your kind words everybody and those of you who are so inclined, please continue to pray for them...you can pm me for names (I like to use names in prayers, when I can).

 

[syrenn]

 

[Mr.Nick]

The mother of the boy who stayed with me this winter (my kids' older brother's mom). He isn't with me now, he went home, she came to get him the week after Easter, so at least he had a few weeks with her.

Her two older sons were mad at her and have been treating her very harshly since she left her husband and started seeing another man. She was very happy when she died (car wreck), had a lovely mother's day she said.

I haven't been able to reach the boy...I've left him messages, called his grandparents (who aren't picking up yet). Poor, poor boys....the one I had was closest to her, and this is going to ruin him.

That is just awful....

How old are these children?

 

[Mr.Nick]

Sorry for your loss, I lost a friend of mine this past weekend also to cancer, she had 2 young girls.

I've lost all my best friends. One was shot in the face (murdered), another died of a heroin overdose and the other died in a car accident...

10+ acquaintances of mine passed, mostly from drug overdoses.

I was 15 years old when my first best buddy was murdered - it was really difficult for me to deal with, I cried for a good 2-3 hours straight.

I can't imagine what those kids are feeling right now...... It kills your soul when someone you love dies....

 

[koshergrl]

I talked to them just a little bit ago, they're all in one place, getting through. They have a gem in their older brother, though he's only 18. The boys are crying, and that's a good sign. I was able to talk about some practical stuff with them, and gave the one who stayed with me a couple of simple tasks, and filled him in on some of the plans that I got from his auntie. I reminded him to pray (he was just baptized this winter) .

BTW..I am blown away by this...he was staying with me, and it about killed me to send him back home because he couldn't bring his behavior at school up to par, and it was causing us all difficulties...the kids were suffering, I was suffering, he was suffering...and I made the decision to send him home. His mom was angry at him, I think he was angry at me, I was mad at everybody...but as I told him on the phone...I am SO GLAD he went home when he did. He was his mother's favorite (I didn't say that) and it would have been so much more difficult for him if he had been separated from her, then she died. So at least he had a few weeks of being close to her before she was taken.

 

[BDBoop]

The thing about grief; you never know when it's going to strike. I'll be taking a claim. "What date did the incident occur?" And they'll say my mother's date of birth. And I'll have to take a moment.

They have a long, tough road ahead of them.

 

[koshergrl]

They are tough, that is one thing they have going for them.

 

[Katzndogz]

So sorry. This is very tragic. I hope the family will be able to dig deep and find strength.