11 days since Greta died...

[Gracie]

The ball. The tennis ball. Her sitting there with me, looking off to the sky. Makes me tear up every time I look at it. And I remember every tear I shed while making it, barely seeing what I was doing thru the drips in my eyes. I keep it tucked away in my TinyPic. But I go look at it now and then. It hurts...but it soothes me as well.

So I hope what I plan to try to make for Koosh helps too.

 

[Gracie]

In fact...I am going to go mess with it now. BBL

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I made this with my paintshop pro. It made me feel sad...but close to Gracie.

I just snagged the pic of Greta. I want to make something for you. I hope you like the intent and it helps soothe you. I will post it here when I am done.

I would love that. Thank you for thinking of me.

 

[Gracie]

I have half done. But I gotta ask a question first. Are you spiritual? In other words..do you believe in Christ? I will hold off until I know your thoughts on this. I want it to make you feel comforted.

 

[Gracie]

Well...I felt like continuing to move forward...so I did. Hope it's ok. And if not...that is ok too.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

OMG! That is beautiful. The first hopeful tears I've shed since she died! OMG, thank you!

I was raised a Catholic, but I say I'm agnostic because I don't know for sure that God exists. But I don't believe he doesn't exist either. I just don't know. And I love Jesus, I've always loved Jesus.

First thing I'm thinking, I hope she doesn't give Jesus too much trouble! She's a feisty one! And a big clown, too!

Thank you so much, I will cherish this. And it is comforting.

 

[Gracie]

You DO know that Greta got those robes all dirty and slobbery, dontcha? Soon as Greta passed over Rainbow Bridge...He was there waiting for her, along with everyone else you loved and lost. I KNOW Gracie got thrown a tennis ball then happily pounced on Him. Which is why she is just toooo busy right now with her new best friend that doesn't mind dirty robes and slobbery kisses.
When Greta left...it was He who met her at the steps.

I am glad you are comforted.

 

[Gracie]

Save it to your pc. I will keep it hosted for awhile on my TinyPic until I know you got it safely in your own pic hosting service.

I'm all crosseyed now from those teeny tiny pixels I had to move around and blend, so I will probably hit the bed early tonight. No worries about the pic. It is ok where it is for a couple of days. Holler when you have it in your own spot, and then and ONLY then will I delete it.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

Save it to your pc. I will keep it hosted for awhile on my TinyPic until I know you got it safely in your own pic hosting service.

I'm all crosseyed now from those teeny tiny pixels I had to move around and blend, so I will probably hit the bed early tonight. No worries about the pic. It is ok where it is for a couple of days. Holler when you have it in your own spot, and then and ONLY then will I delete it.

I IMMEDIATELY saved it to my computer. And I've also uploaded it to my photobucket account. No way I was going to take a chance losing it! So go ahead and delete it.

Thanks again and sleep well!

 

[Gracie]

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I was just looking around on the Internet and happened upon a litter of doberman puppies in Utah born January 4...the day Greta died. There is only one red female in the litter. Somebody please tell me it's not her. I don't want to act foolishly. That puppy is not Greta and it's not fair to expect that puppy to be Greta. Greta and I will meet again when the time is right, I can't force it. Right?

And I don't want "a puppy." I want Greta.

If we're destined to meet again, it will just happen, right? I don't have to try and force it. Right?

 

[strollingbones]

stop this.....i am all for a new puppy soon but you are not ready....you CANNOT do this to yourself ....my love...hundreds of puppies were born on that day.....let this be for a while...you are in so much pain right now...

the true pain is you will never have greta again....i hate to be blunt but there we are....i look for hector.....i search for him to this day and its been 12 years or more...*great now i am crying like a baby*....hector and greta are gone....but here is the thing...i have loved again...and so will you....you will find the one...the sillie one that makes you laugh....i miss hector.... i miss how he would walk with me...and be next to me if i needed to steady myself.....now i have a big head that wacks me and nearly knocks me down.....and one day....i know i will miss that too....

give this a wee bit more time.....and let your heart mend a wee bit before you open it up again.....now with all that said....you see a puppy that needs you today....you fucking go for it...

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

You are right, strollingbones, but I think maybe we will see Hector and Greta again. Maybe not in this lifetime, though.

But you are right about the puppy. I need to wait for the puppy that needs me. And actually there's a big 9-year-old pup standing here right now who needs me. Her name is Hannah.

 

[Gracie]

Hannah is beautiful. Spend your time with her because SHE needs you right now.

Strollingbones is very wise. Do as she advises.

 

[strollingbones]

hannah is beautiful.....

 

[Jackson]

IF I decide to go with another dog..I will get a senior dog. Much as I love puppies...I don't know how long I myself will live but I damn sure know it won't be another 14 or 15 years. So...dogs 8 and over, I will consider. And yes..I am still wrestling with it today. I do every day. Should I go look? Should I use my common sense of finances, maybe having to move, falling apart myself? Yes. I shuold use my common sense. But then..I think.......


And I go thru this every. Damn. Day.

Why don't you go to a shelter and see if you make a special connection with a special dog? Maybe you will, maybe not.

 

[Jackson]

My sweet Greta died on January 4. I had to take her to pet emergency because she was having heart failure. She had been on meds for her dilated cardiomyopathy for the past couple months and was doing good...then suddenly, she had the worst attack ever. They tried to save her but said there was nothing more they could do (I wonder about that). I couldn't bear to see her suffer, I couldn't bring her home suffering like that, all she could was try to breath, she wouldn't look at me or anything, just struggle to breath. So I had them put her to sleep...the vet said that's what she would do if it was her dog.

I've been crying ever since, some days all day long to varying degrees. I've lost 7 1/2 pounds. And now I've gotten sick with a bad cold. I read that grieving can weaken the immune system. Actually being sick is good, feeling miserable kind of distracts me from my grief.

Everything seems so meaningless and empty without her. And I have four other dogs and six cats. But she was the light of the world. The soul of our home. It's just a dead place now. I just plod along putting one foot in front of the other. Feeling numb is the best I can feel.

This was a special, special dog. I should say special being, because she wasn't just special among dogs, she was special among all beings.

She was my comfort in life. So how do I find comfort when the comforter in my life is gone?

When I lost my dog, 8 Ball, all black with a white circle on her tummy, I, too was devastated. I lost interest in everything and just cried myself to sleep. But something happened one afternoon. As usual, I was crying myself to sleep, but in the twilight before sleep, I "saw" 8 ball and the lower part of someone standing next to her in a white robe. She (8 ball)was so excited, barking at me and I knew exactly what she was saying. She kept saying, "I made it!" "I made it." I was a little disappointed she wasn't saying "I love you" or "I miss you, too." But all she kept 'yelling' was She made it in her excited bark and as healthy as she could be. She was her young, vibrate self, but she kept looking to her right in an excited way. and I wondered what that was all about. As she barked and anxiously looked to her right, suddenly another black lab appeared. It was George, her very best friend who passed two years earlier! And off she ran with George, certainly on an adventure just as they did on Earth!

I was so excited, grateful I was allowed to see this and my eyes finally filled with happy tears. God allowed me a short visit on the other side of the rainbow bridge to ease my pain.

I shot up out of bed and called the owner of George and told him I had just seen George and 8 Ball. He believed me! Was this a dream? I don't know. It just seemed too real. I was so awake as to know I was disappointed in what 8 ball said I wanted to hear she loved me too. But I guess I knew that already.

They are having so much fun up there. We have to remember that. They are young and healthy. We cannot be selfish. Just remember the wonderful times we had with them. And they are still having great times while they wait for us.

 

[Kooshdakhaa]

I am reading a book by the Long Island medium, Theresa Caputo. Yeah, I know everybody says she's a fake, but I'm desperate for answers.

Anyway, in the book she talks about visitations. Visitations are when a dead person (and yes, they can be animals) makes their presence known to you.

Not all psychics agree, but Theresa believes that visitations occur in dreams as well as when we are awake. So, it sounds like you had a visitation from 8 Ball. You are very, very lucky. I would give anything for something like that.

They say dogs can sense things, so I watch my other dogs. Today we were playing in the yard a little bit, and Hannah kept looking this way and that. I know what she was doing, she was watching for Greta to come zooming around the corner like she used to do. Broke my heart. Hannah apparently doesn't realize Greta is gone for good. Hannah finally gave up looking, but she's been looking for Greta off and on ever since Greta died.

 

[Gracie]

Karma did that too, for 6 months. But we made it thru the hurdle. Just make sure you don't keep bringing Greta up and asking Hannah where she is. It only confuses her, hon.

 

[Jackson]

I am reading a book by the Long Island medium, Theresa Caputo. Yeah, I know everybody says she's a fake, but I'm desperate for answers.

Anyway, in the book she talks about visitations. Visitations are when a dead person (and yes, they can be animals) makes their presence known to you.

Not all psychics agree, but Theresa believes that visitations occur in dreams as well as when we are awake. So, it sounds like you had a visitation from 8 Ball. You are very, very lucky. I would give anything for something like that.

They say dogs can sense things, so I watch my other dogs. Today we were playing in the yard a little bit, and Hannah kept looking this way and that. I know what she was doing, she was watching for Greta to come zooming around the corner like she used to do. Broke my heart. Hannah apparently doesn't realize Greta is gone for good. Hannah finally gave up looking, but she's been looking for Greta off and on ever since Greta died.

Thank you for your comment. I think it was a visitation. If it was a dream, it seems that I would have had her tell me that she loved me and missed me too just to hear what I wanted to hear. And the great surprise that she had found George, her best friend and ran off together like the used to do was startling. The whole episode was startling, really. I just sat where in amazement and at first disappointed that she didn't tell me she loved me which I thought was so important at the time. That wasn't important. I knew she loved me as much as I loved her.

But wasn't it interesting for her to say, "I made it!" Who told her about the place? Was it George who said "You made it? I have been waiting for you?" I wonder. But then I remember I told her about the Rainbow Bridge as the vet was getting her shot ready. I told her about the place she would go where she would be happy and running again without it hurting and how lovely it would be. I told her I would come later to the bridge and come and get her.