Seek help.
Both technical and mental.
Wow.
If the government isn't sending you the hardware why would you worry about government spyware?
If you are worried about the government spying on you, just know that any time you get on the internet, they can track what you're looking at, how long you look at it, what you did with the information, etc... And that is just the passive means. If they want to "spike" you, you're defenseless against being spiked. At some point you have to get on an "on ramp" to the internet and once you do..bingo; they've got you if they want you. To what degree? Arguable. The difference in the hardware being able to do something that they can't do through other means is negligible as far as information goes. Passive microphones and cameras though? A bigger worry. I'm guessing that nobody is going to be to interested in what you're doing though.