Wail Of Agony Heard From Satan's Office As Planned Parenthood Defunded

[Votto]

Wail Of Agony Heard From Satan's Office As Planned Parenthood Defunded​

U.S.·Jul 3, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

HELL — A wailing, screeching sound was heard from the Devil's office today following the defunding of Planned Parenthood by the United States Government.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" came the sound from Satan's corner office in the 9th circle of Hell. "AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK"

Witnesses claim the tortured wail was so inhuman it gave them chills. "It was super creepy," said Hell resident Adolf Hitler.

Defunding Planned Parenthood is a major blow to Satan, say sin experts, who confirm he relied heavily on the organization's expert use of pseudoscience to make murdering babies sound like a reasonable medical procedure since no one passes children through the fire on altars to Moloch anymore.

"Convincing mothers to get an abortion takes so much work, and Planned Parenthood really helped out a lot. I miss the good old days when mothers didn't need to pretend they were excising a clump of cells and happily killed their babies in exchange for bountiful harvests and good fortune," he said. "Man, Moloch was great."

According to sources, Satan is so distraught over the defunding of Planned Parenthood that he has sought counseling with some of Hell's greatest therapists. Unfortunately, because it's Hell, they all give him bad advice, and he is now more miserable than ever.

"Defunding Planned Parenthood is going to set baby murder back decades," said Satan. "At least I still have Canada."

 

[Votto]

How will people buy infant body parts now that they were selling on the down low?

This is worse than USAID stopping the funding of hamsters transitioning into another gender in Peru.

 

[forkintheroad7]

Wail Of Agony Heard From Satan's Office As Planned Parenthood Defunded​

U.S.·Jul 3, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

View attachment 1132001

HELL — A wailing, screeching sound was heard from the Devil's office today following the defunding of Planned Parenthood by the United States Government.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" came the sound from Satan's corner office in the 9th circle of Hell. "AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK"

Witnesses claim the tortured wail was so inhuman it gave them chills. "It was super creepy," said Hell resident Adolf Hitler.

Defunding Planned Parenthood is a major blow to Satan, say sin experts, who confirm he relied heavily on the organization's expert use of pseudoscience to make murdering babies sound like a reasonable medical procedure since no one passes children through the fire on altars to Moloch anymore.

"Convincing mothers to get an abortion takes so much work, and Planned Parenthood really helped out a lot. I miss the good old days when mothers didn't need to pretend they were excising a clump of cells and happily killed their babies in exchange for bountiful harvests and good fortune," he said. "Man, Moloch was great."

According to sources, Satan is so distraught over the defunding of Planned Parenthood that he has sought counseling with some of Hell's greatest therapists. Unfortunately, because it's Hell, they all give him bad advice, and he is now more miserable than ever.

"Defunding Planned Parenthood is going to set baby murder back decades," said Satan. "At least I still have Canada."

The very definition of black humor

I just wonder why God doesn't make Satan and the demons suffer in Hell like damned human souls do, but I guess that's all being saved for the end of the world.

The demons who went into the pigs and drowned at Jesus's command asked Jesus (before they drowned)

"Have you come to torment us before the time?"

I guess the time is at the end of the world
"

 

[Paddlefoot]

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