That is your interpretation of me. What I see are Carl's beliefs. He has read/studied certain things and reached a conclusion. The same is true of you. You read/heard certain things and formed your own belief/non-belief from your conclusions. While I don't know, I expect you and Carl have also had your own experiences that shaped your conclusions.
I have said many times in this forum that the person in the world who understands God best (and that includes atheists) is a millimeter closer to understanding God than the rest of usI understand God about as well as my chinchillas understand me. Basically, not very well. My chinchillas do their best, and I, like everyone else, does our best.