- Sep 22, 2013
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Here's a fun heist-world vignette about unlikely dreamers engaged with very dark dudes! This one was inspired by A Life Less Ordinary.
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A thief from the Cossack area of Russia, half-Algerian, named Isaac Satan, traveled to America and robbed the Salk Bank in California of its $30 million diamonds. He became a national celebrity with the thief-alias 'Shadow' but no one knew who he was. Isaac/Shadow was currently completely content that his wily diamond-heist at Salk generated awesome media about the folklore surrounding new age nonviolent heists and reminded people of the days of Bonnie and Clyde. The Salk Bank became a site of great new age institution talk, not unlike what Bonnie and Clyde did for Texas during the Great Depression.
ISAAC/SHADOW: "It was simple to take those diamonds from Salk, since I simply walked in and presented myself as a terrorist."
Of course, Isaac/Shadow was no terrorist. He walked into the Salk Bank and presented himself as a fundamentalist terrorist, going so far as to wield water-guns filled with corrosive acid. He claimed he was representing ISIS and was part of a post-9/11 homeland terrorism incident and would blow up some nearby California monument if his diamond heist was impeded by the guards and employees or if the alarms were set off, since the diamonds would be used to finance a future terrorism initiative. The Salk staff didn't want their bank to be part of some terrorism scandal or fiasco and simply allowed Isaac/Shadow to walk into the vault and walk out with the blood diamonds!
ISAAC/SHADOW: "I'm pleased with my heist, and now I seek to settle down with a nice girl to marry in California."
Isaac/Shadow met a beautiful young woman named Elka, a Lithuanian stunner from Eastern Europe. They got married and he purchased an LA apartment. They purchased a Hitachi Plasma-HDTV and watched movies like Doctor Zhivago and From Russia with Love. She shared his passion for Cossack comic books.
ISAAC: I bought you this glass piano for our incredible multi-story loft.
ELKA: There's something mysterious about you, Isaac, but this is grand.
Isaac/Shadow thought of himself as Batman, achieving a perfect diamond heist without having to hurt anyone at Salk. He decided to become an online comic book fan-fiction writer, presenting stories about Batman tackling dystopian nemeses such as the Joker and Scarecrow.
Isaac's online comic book fan-fiction stories got so much attention, especially his nifty tales about diamond-thieves creating strange pockets of anti-terrorism rhetoric countering the horrible blood diamond madness in South Africa. Batman in Isaac's stories suddenly became a blood diamond crusader alongside his girlfriend Talia al Ghul, a mysterious mistress from Eastern Europe. A movie producer wanted to adapt Isaac's online Batman fan-fictions about blood diamonds into a motion picture about Talia al Ghul's dystopian organization called the Leviathan.
Isaac/Shadow and Elka decided to work together on some new Robotech online fan-fictions as well in a series of stories involving Batman dealing with chemical weapons in South Africa as a robo-armored superhero renamed Cyborg-Batman. These Robotech stories presented ideas about modern terrorism being addressed by creative ideas regarding the use of dystopian aesthetics. This further added to Isaac's online fan-fiction popularity!
RICHARD: Those blood diamonds at Salk belonged to me!
CINDERELLA: I propose we find the nasty thief and decapitate him.
RICHARD: I love you, because you're as cruel as I am, my darling!
CINDERELLA: Oh, you're such a gentle-man.
RICHARD: I wonder if this thief has some loved ones, people he cares for in America.
CINDERELLA: Maybe he's a lowly immigrant seeking one-time fortune.
RICHARD: Maybe he's some kind of comic book lunatic.
CINDERELLA: Let's have our minions track him down and kill him...and his loved ones!
RICHARD: Sure; let me confer with my South African pals about the blood diamonds.
CINDERELLA: Don't we make a dystopian couple, darling?
Richard and Cinderella were evil Califronia socialites who wanted anything but to be defamed and dishonored by this scathing blood diamond theft of their million dollar gems from the Salk Bank, but Isaac/Shadow had pulled off the dystopian miracle. Richard and Cinderella were part of a California underworld of ugly crime and deception, some linking to Pablo Escobar and some to blood diamond terrorism in South Africa!
ISAAC/SHADOW: I'm going to make some Flash Gordon comics about couples defying tyrants.
ELKA: Well, let's hope all this 'good-vs-evil' folklore doesn't draw attention of real crazies!
ISAAC: Yeah, right; you never know who the heck reads fan-fiction online these days.
ELKA: The world is divided between the dreamers and the style-tyrants.
Elka was right. Richard and Cinderella commissioned a really stylish and nasty team of bank robbers in LA to steal multiple armored cars and make statements in the press about their ties to the blood diamond world. This would dilute attention away from the media focus on the stolen blood diamonds from the Salk Bank.
ISAAC: Why'm I in your California palace tied up, Richard?
RICHARD: I met you, I got you drunk, and I'm going to kill you!
ISAAC: What?
RICHARD: You stole my blood diamonds from Salk Bank!
ISAAC: Those gems belonged to you, man?
RICHARD: Don't avoid the issue; I want to know where you live.
ISAAC: Let me make you a deal; I'll gift you a Vikings painting.
RICHARD: What?
ISAAC: If you like the painting, man, you'll believe me.
RICHARD: Believe you?
ISAAC: Yes, you'll believe that I'm simply an immigrant and not a warlord.
RICHARD: I better like this painting, you little pea.
ISAAC: You'll love it, Richard.
Richard did like Isaac's Vikings painting and spared him his life and agreed not to stalk him for his blood diamonds from Salk. He believed Isaac. Isaac meanwhile decided to flee the country with Elka and settled down in British Columbia with the rest of his money. They had a son named Damian and raised him. Damian ended up studying Eastern European literature at Dartmouth College. Isaac managed to make a very unlikely proverbial 'Cossack Stand' against dragons in America. Irony is rich!
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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
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A thief from the Cossack area of Russia, half-Algerian, named Isaac Satan, traveled to America and robbed the Salk Bank in California of its $30 million diamonds. He became a national celebrity with the thief-alias 'Shadow' but no one knew who he was. Isaac/Shadow was currently completely content that his wily diamond-heist at Salk generated awesome media about the folklore surrounding new age nonviolent heists and reminded people of the days of Bonnie and Clyde. The Salk Bank became a site of great new age institution talk, not unlike what Bonnie and Clyde did for Texas during the Great Depression.
ISAAC/SHADOW: "It was simple to take those diamonds from Salk, since I simply walked in and presented myself as a terrorist."
Of course, Isaac/Shadow was no terrorist. He walked into the Salk Bank and presented himself as a fundamentalist terrorist, going so far as to wield water-guns filled with corrosive acid. He claimed he was representing ISIS and was part of a post-9/11 homeland terrorism incident and would blow up some nearby California monument if his diamond heist was impeded by the guards and employees or if the alarms were set off, since the diamonds would be used to finance a future terrorism initiative. The Salk staff didn't want their bank to be part of some terrorism scandal or fiasco and simply allowed Isaac/Shadow to walk into the vault and walk out with the blood diamonds!
ISAAC/SHADOW: "I'm pleased with my heist, and now I seek to settle down with a nice girl to marry in California."
Isaac/Shadow met a beautiful young woman named Elka, a Lithuanian stunner from Eastern Europe. They got married and he purchased an LA apartment. They purchased a Hitachi Plasma-HDTV and watched movies like Doctor Zhivago and From Russia with Love. She shared his passion for Cossack comic books.
ISAAC: I bought you this glass piano for our incredible multi-story loft.
ELKA: There's something mysterious about you, Isaac, but this is grand.
Isaac/Shadow thought of himself as Batman, achieving a perfect diamond heist without having to hurt anyone at Salk. He decided to become an online comic book fan-fiction writer, presenting stories about Batman tackling dystopian nemeses such as the Joker and Scarecrow.
Isaac's online comic book fan-fiction stories got so much attention, especially his nifty tales about diamond-thieves creating strange pockets of anti-terrorism rhetoric countering the horrible blood diamond madness in South Africa. Batman in Isaac's stories suddenly became a blood diamond crusader alongside his girlfriend Talia al Ghul, a mysterious mistress from Eastern Europe. A movie producer wanted to adapt Isaac's online Batman fan-fictions about blood diamonds into a motion picture about Talia al Ghul's dystopian organization called the Leviathan.
Isaac/Shadow and Elka decided to work together on some new Robotech online fan-fictions as well in a series of stories involving Batman dealing with chemical weapons in South Africa as a robo-armored superhero renamed Cyborg-Batman. These Robotech stories presented ideas about modern terrorism being addressed by creative ideas regarding the use of dystopian aesthetics. This further added to Isaac's online fan-fiction popularity!
RICHARD: Those blood diamonds at Salk belonged to me!
CINDERELLA: I propose we find the nasty thief and decapitate him.
RICHARD: I love you, because you're as cruel as I am, my darling!
CINDERELLA: Oh, you're such a gentle-man.
RICHARD: I wonder if this thief has some loved ones, people he cares for in America.
CINDERELLA: Maybe he's a lowly immigrant seeking one-time fortune.
RICHARD: Maybe he's some kind of comic book lunatic.
CINDERELLA: Let's have our minions track him down and kill him...and his loved ones!
RICHARD: Sure; let me confer with my South African pals about the blood diamonds.
CINDERELLA: Don't we make a dystopian couple, darling?
Richard and Cinderella were evil Califronia socialites who wanted anything but to be defamed and dishonored by this scathing blood diamond theft of their million dollar gems from the Salk Bank, but Isaac/Shadow had pulled off the dystopian miracle. Richard and Cinderella were part of a California underworld of ugly crime and deception, some linking to Pablo Escobar and some to blood diamond terrorism in South Africa!
ISAAC/SHADOW: I'm going to make some Flash Gordon comics about couples defying tyrants.
ELKA: Well, let's hope all this 'good-vs-evil' folklore doesn't draw attention of real crazies!
ISAAC: Yeah, right; you never know who the heck reads fan-fiction online these days.
ELKA: The world is divided between the dreamers and the style-tyrants.
Elka was right. Richard and Cinderella commissioned a really stylish and nasty team of bank robbers in LA to steal multiple armored cars and make statements in the press about their ties to the blood diamond world. This would dilute attention away from the media focus on the stolen blood diamonds from the Salk Bank.
ISAAC: Why'm I in your California palace tied up, Richard?
RICHARD: I met you, I got you drunk, and I'm going to kill you!
ISAAC: What?
RICHARD: You stole my blood diamonds from Salk Bank!
ISAAC: Those gems belonged to you, man?
RICHARD: Don't avoid the issue; I want to know where you live.
ISAAC: Let me make you a deal; I'll gift you a Vikings painting.
RICHARD: What?
ISAAC: If you like the painting, man, you'll believe me.
RICHARD: Believe you?
ISAAC: Yes, you'll believe that I'm simply an immigrant and not a warlord.
RICHARD: I better like this painting, you little pea.
ISAAC: You'll love it, Richard.
Richard did like Isaac's Vikings painting and spared him his life and agreed not to stalk him for his blood diamonds from Salk. He believed Isaac. Isaac meanwhile decided to flee the country with Elka and settled down in British Columbia with the rest of his money. They had a son named Damian and raised him. Damian ended up studying Eastern European literature at Dartmouth College. Isaac managed to make a very unlikely proverbial 'Cossack Stand' against dragons in America. Irony is rich!
====
"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)
