- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
- 250
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Sometimes modern America (with media hysteria) feels like a nuthouse, so here's a nonsensical yarn/parody inspired by My Fellow Americans and Dumb and Dumber.
Signing off,
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As the U.S. First Lady Melania Trump travelled to Longwood Gardens in New Jersey, an idyllic floral preservation center for all kinds of flowers and plants in public display for tourists to marvel, a deranged American terrorists named Michael schemed to assassinate her. Michael travelled to Longwood Gardens on the same day the First Lady did, and he went to the Gardens with his wife and friends, pretending to be a 'normal tourist' but in actuality waiting to stalk Mrs. Trump. Longwood Gardens would be the site of some abnormal intrigue.
As Melania made her way into one of the indoor plant-and-flower water displays, Michael and his gang were there too, and Michael was ready. He quickly tied up his wife Shelbye so she'd not make any trouble/waves and then ordered his friends to stand-back. He was armed with a Beretta pistol. Michael shot and killed Melania's bodyguards and then ordered her to stand by one of the plant displays so he could take photos with his smartphone. You see, Michael intended to use the photos to blackmail President Donald Trump by threatening to send the photos to ISIS terrorists claiming they were evidence Trump was neglecting the EPA.
After Michael took the photos, he texted copies to the White House, and when President Trump received them, he realized Americans had a real panic on their hands, as a fanatical homegrown terrorist had held the First Lady hostage to use smartphone-pics to create a zany blackmailing scheme involving the EPA at Longwood Gardens. Michael was like the Unabomber now, as far as the FBI was concerned, and the FBI quickly stopped tracking another gang of masked serial killers in California called 'the Strangers' so they could deal with the First Lady hostage crisis at Longwood Gardens. The Strangers meanwhile were relieved the FBI were temporarily detained from hounding them, so they used the opportunity to flee quietly to Australia, vowing never to return to an America perhaps corrupted by all kinds of socio-political distractions.
As the FBI dealt with the deranged Michael at Longwood Gardens and the First Lady was returned safely to the White House, President Trump made the public statement to the press, "It seems that criminally-insane individuals such as Michael and the Strangers and terrorists like ISIS reveal the value and importance of the FBI and the CIA and why America is obligated to create securities for modern traffic!" It was now the responsibility of journalists at CNN to report on all this American intrigue. Would the media be objective? Did America care about Longwood Gardens?
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Signing off,
====
As the U.S. First Lady Melania Trump travelled to Longwood Gardens in New Jersey, an idyllic floral preservation center for all kinds of flowers and plants in public display for tourists to marvel, a deranged American terrorists named Michael schemed to assassinate her. Michael travelled to Longwood Gardens on the same day the First Lady did, and he went to the Gardens with his wife and friends, pretending to be a 'normal tourist' but in actuality waiting to stalk Mrs. Trump. Longwood Gardens would be the site of some abnormal intrigue.
As Melania made her way into one of the indoor plant-and-flower water displays, Michael and his gang were there too, and Michael was ready. He quickly tied up his wife Shelbye so she'd not make any trouble/waves and then ordered his friends to stand-back. He was armed with a Beretta pistol. Michael shot and killed Melania's bodyguards and then ordered her to stand by one of the plant displays so he could take photos with his smartphone. You see, Michael intended to use the photos to blackmail President Donald Trump by threatening to send the photos to ISIS terrorists claiming they were evidence Trump was neglecting the EPA.
After Michael took the photos, he texted copies to the White House, and when President Trump received them, he realized Americans had a real panic on their hands, as a fanatical homegrown terrorist had held the First Lady hostage to use smartphone-pics to create a zany blackmailing scheme involving the EPA at Longwood Gardens. Michael was like the Unabomber now, as far as the FBI was concerned, and the FBI quickly stopped tracking another gang of masked serial killers in California called 'the Strangers' so they could deal with the First Lady hostage crisis at Longwood Gardens. The Strangers meanwhile were relieved the FBI were temporarily detained from hounding them, so they used the opportunity to flee quietly to Australia, vowing never to return to an America perhaps corrupted by all kinds of socio-political distractions.
As the FBI dealt with the deranged Michael at Longwood Gardens and the First Lady was returned safely to the White House, President Trump made the public statement to the press, "It seems that criminally-insane individuals such as Michael and the Strangers and terrorists like ISIS reveal the value and importance of the FBI and the CIA and why America is obligated to create securities for modern traffic!" It was now the responsibility of journalists at CNN to report on all this American intrigue. Would the media be objective? Did America care about Longwood Gardens?
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