Ten Rules to Observe to Enjoy Life and Health

[JimBowie1958]

Never use nasal spray to clear you nose when in a room with a well used cat box. Exit the room, first, preferably go to a different floor of the house.

Never make your Designated Driver the butt of your jokes for the evening bar hopping. You never know what state you might end up in.

Never tell a state highway patrolman that his uniform reminds you of the Waffen SS, especially if it really does.

Never go to the Dentist drunk and challenge him to 'Do his worst!'

Never tell your wife/GF that it isnt the pockets on her jeans that make her butt look big without a good explanation of exactly what you are referring to quickly available.

It never ever matters how certain you are that that lady is pregnant - dont ask.

Never tell your kids, as you leave for a night out, that they can 'Do whatever you want, just dont burn the house down!' Kids are prone to suggestion, if you didnt know.

Never ask the cop if he could use a breath mint.

Never ask your male boss, if they dont also make his shirt for men.

If you pray to God for Wisdom, be sure to clarify you mean in Sunday Bible school. and not via hard knocks in life living through your mistakes. The latter is choosing poorly.

 

[Alystyr]

Never make your Designated Driver the butt of your jokes for the evening bar hopping. You never know what state you might end up in.

I'd imagine that "state" could either mean "location" or "condition" equally.

 

[waltky]

Uncle Ferd says...

... never tell a fat lady she don't sweat much...

... fer a fat lady.

 

[aaronleland]

Never read a JimBowie thread.

 

[JimBowie1958]

11. Never take a Deadpool fan seriously, they are incapable of being serious.

 

[JimBowie1958]

Never make your Designated Driver the butt of your jokes for the evening bar hopping. You never know what state you might end up in.

I'd imagine that "state" could either mean "location" or "condition" equally.

Actually that happened to a guy when he was out with this girl from Maryland. He was from Virginia and I was doing a 6 month contract down there and we all (coworkers) wound up in Rockville at Dave and Busters. He was having a great ole time, making joke after joke at her expense. And she was a very nice and attractive young Asian woman, so I dont get his problem at all.

Anyway as the place closed he was going around looking for her and turns out she simply left him there. I ended up driving the silly dude home to McLean and I lived in Germantown, Maryland at the time. A couple of weeks later he told me she was dating him again, after much apologizing and begging.

Too bad. He was a jerk, probably still is.