- Sep 22, 2013
- 4,956
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This is a capitalism-parody inspired by World War Z.
It references Shiva, sledgehammers, and the Red Xenomorph(!).
I can't think of a better way to retire from Internet-blogging than with one last parable on USMB (my favorite board of all!).
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As the vicious predatory Red Xenomorph alien-creature prepared to invade Earth and destroy the civilization humanity had built around capitalism-oriented governance, Lord Shiva (master of destruction) prepared to defend humanity from this terrible attack. Shiva knew that the Red Xenomorph had only one thing in mind --- to devastate humanity's comfortable complacency regarding the conveniences of consumerism life (e.g., eBay, Amazon.com, Wall Street, Home Depot, etc.). Shiva once conversed with a Red Xenomorph who eerily said to him, "Isn't it funny how anyone in America can walk into a local Home Depot hardware store and pick up a chainsaw or sledgehammer? Kinda' gives the NRA something to think about..."
The Red Xenomorph was the ultimate Devil's Advocate, seeking to pry into the universe's most vulnerable sensibilities (e.g., capitalism complacencies). Shiva deduced that the Red Xenomorph sought to create mayhem on Earth as if it was literally pounding the meek species with a 'metaphysical sledgehammer.' Shiva prepared to engage with the Red Xenomorph and try to negotiate with it, in the hope that it could be intellectually persuaded to depart from Earth forever. When the Red Xenomorphs landed in Phoenix (Arizona), in the desert, Shiva was there to greet them and debate with them (or their 'mission leader' --- most likely their queen or head-drone).
SHIVA: I think you mean to scratch and tear humans apart.
RED XENO: So?
SHIVA: This planet is a haven for capitalism, not a playground for barbarians!
RED XENO: Really? How did 9/11 or the Gulf War reveal 'havens' for capitalism?
SHIVA: Humans are prone to mistakes, but they don't deserve to be tortured.
RED XENO: Are you a fan of the Home Depot?
SHIVA: Home Depot hardware stores represent consumer-hospitality and home-improvement.
RED XENO: Any fool or psycho can walk into a hardware store and pick up a sledgehammer!
SHIVA: So? There are gun-license laws as there are human cops to ensure social safety.
RED XENO: Don't you realize, Shiva, that consumerism breeds sloth?
SHIVA: By 'punishing' Earth with metaphysical sledgehammers, you reveal your own cruelty.
RED XENO: I'm not introducing poison; I'm merely indicating that 'TrumpUSA' sucks!
SHIVA: We have to have faith in capitalism...and TrumpUSA!
RED XENO: Prove that consumerism doesn't breed sloth, and we'll depart...
SHIVA: That's a deal. Here's the proof --- Starbucks!
RED XENO: Hehe, that's clever, Shiva; Starbucks coffee puts a 'jolt' into Wall Street, eh?
SHIVA: Precisely; now depart from Earth, and I promise, your eggs will not be harmed.
RED XENO: Agreed; we'll leave now (with our progeny).
As the Red Xenomorphs departed from Earth carrying their eggs and miniature lizard-like 'children,' Shiva returned to his mountaintop in the snowy Himalayas to meditate on how the Red Xenomorphs threatened capitalism prayers the same way red ants threaten an aristocrat picnic. Shiva watched as humanity coolly resumed its capitalism 'movements' and as the Trump Administration prepared to deal with troubles in North Korea, Syria, Moscow, and Jerusalem. The terrorist rallies in the Middle East conducted by ISIS reminded Shiva of black ants (not red ants!) and how the Red Xenomorphs wanted to pound modern human civilization with 'metaphysical sledgehammers.' "What kind of an intelligence would want to punish a sentient being (humans) with a metaphysical sledgehammer?" Shiva asked himself in horror!
AShiva was relieved and grateful the threatening menace of the Red Xenomorphs had vanished from the Earth and that humans were now free to negotiate their truces with modern capitalism(!). Shiva prayed to the angels of heaven and asked that the spirits of mercy and friendship watch over humanity as it negotiated with the complexities of capitalism and globalization under 'TrumpUSA.' Shiva prayed that God's special angel Gabriel deliver messages of life and prosperity to a species in need of great moral motivation!
GOD: The Red Xenomorphs threatened the destiny of mankind!
SATAN: They cleverly cited the peculiar fact that psychos can buy weapons.
GOD: It's true that any consumer can pick up a chainsaw/sledgehammer at a Home Depot.
SATAN: Was Shiva correct in assuming that human cops are capable of ensuring social safety?
GOD: I think TrumpUSA has all the potential to coordinate capitalism with peace!
SATAN: Trump did a fine job negotiating with North Korea during the PyeongChang Olympics.
GOD: Was Shiva correct in asserting that Starbucks offers consumers a 'dose' of energy?
SATAN: Caffeine is not a narcotic, and it's liberally ingested by stockbrokers and businessmen!
GOD: True. I prefer TCBY frozen-yogurt.
SATAN: Hey you don't have to be a coffee-freak to appreciate capitalism (hehe).
GOD: Shiva was right to suggest the Red Xenos were wielding 'metaphysical sledgehammers.'
SATAN: Shiva is a shrewd debater; the Red Xenos were persuaded that capitalism bears fruit.
GOD: Earth is safe once again...for now!
SATAN: Americans can enjoy their love of horror-films again without too much 'doubt.'
GOD: Yes, horror-films and comic-books; Shiva's restored optimism about 'psychosis.'
SATAN: Maybe one day, humans will become hippies...again!
GOD: "...I get by with a little help from my friends!"
SATAN: Does Trump like the Beatles?
====
It references Shiva, sledgehammers, and the Red Xenomorph(!).
I can't think of a better way to retire from Internet-blogging than with one last parable on USMB (my favorite board of all!).
====
As the vicious predatory Red Xenomorph alien-creature prepared to invade Earth and destroy the civilization humanity had built around capitalism-oriented governance, Lord Shiva (master of destruction) prepared to defend humanity from this terrible attack. Shiva knew that the Red Xenomorph had only one thing in mind --- to devastate humanity's comfortable complacency regarding the conveniences of consumerism life (e.g., eBay, Amazon.com, Wall Street, Home Depot, etc.). Shiva once conversed with a Red Xenomorph who eerily said to him, "Isn't it funny how anyone in America can walk into a local Home Depot hardware store and pick up a chainsaw or sledgehammer? Kinda' gives the NRA something to think about..."
The Red Xenomorph was the ultimate Devil's Advocate, seeking to pry into the universe's most vulnerable sensibilities (e.g., capitalism complacencies). Shiva deduced that the Red Xenomorph sought to create mayhem on Earth as if it was literally pounding the meek species with a 'metaphysical sledgehammer.' Shiva prepared to engage with the Red Xenomorph and try to negotiate with it, in the hope that it could be intellectually persuaded to depart from Earth forever. When the Red Xenomorphs landed in Phoenix (Arizona), in the desert, Shiva was there to greet them and debate with them (or their 'mission leader' --- most likely their queen or head-drone).
SHIVA: I think you mean to scratch and tear humans apart.
RED XENO: So?
SHIVA: This planet is a haven for capitalism, not a playground for barbarians!
RED XENO: Really? How did 9/11 or the Gulf War reveal 'havens' for capitalism?
SHIVA: Humans are prone to mistakes, but they don't deserve to be tortured.
RED XENO: Are you a fan of the Home Depot?
SHIVA: Home Depot hardware stores represent consumer-hospitality and home-improvement.
RED XENO: Any fool or psycho can walk into a hardware store and pick up a sledgehammer!
SHIVA: So? There are gun-license laws as there are human cops to ensure social safety.
RED XENO: Don't you realize, Shiva, that consumerism breeds sloth?
SHIVA: By 'punishing' Earth with metaphysical sledgehammers, you reveal your own cruelty.
RED XENO: I'm not introducing poison; I'm merely indicating that 'TrumpUSA' sucks!
SHIVA: We have to have faith in capitalism...and TrumpUSA!
RED XENO: Prove that consumerism doesn't breed sloth, and we'll depart...
SHIVA: That's a deal. Here's the proof --- Starbucks!
RED XENO: Hehe, that's clever, Shiva; Starbucks coffee puts a 'jolt' into Wall Street, eh?
SHIVA: Precisely; now depart from Earth, and I promise, your eggs will not be harmed.
RED XENO: Agreed; we'll leave now (with our progeny).
As the Red Xenomorphs departed from Earth carrying their eggs and miniature lizard-like 'children,' Shiva returned to his mountaintop in the snowy Himalayas to meditate on how the Red Xenomorphs threatened capitalism prayers the same way red ants threaten an aristocrat picnic. Shiva watched as humanity coolly resumed its capitalism 'movements' and as the Trump Administration prepared to deal with troubles in North Korea, Syria, Moscow, and Jerusalem. The terrorist rallies in the Middle East conducted by ISIS reminded Shiva of black ants (not red ants!) and how the Red Xenomorphs wanted to pound modern human civilization with 'metaphysical sledgehammers.' "What kind of an intelligence would want to punish a sentient being (humans) with a metaphysical sledgehammer?" Shiva asked himself in horror!
AShiva was relieved and grateful the threatening menace of the Red Xenomorphs had vanished from the Earth and that humans were now free to negotiate their truces with modern capitalism(!). Shiva prayed to the angels of heaven and asked that the spirits of mercy and friendship watch over humanity as it negotiated with the complexities of capitalism and globalization under 'TrumpUSA.' Shiva prayed that God's special angel Gabriel deliver messages of life and prosperity to a species in need of great moral motivation!
GOD: The Red Xenomorphs threatened the destiny of mankind!
SATAN: They cleverly cited the peculiar fact that psychos can buy weapons.
GOD: It's true that any consumer can pick up a chainsaw/sledgehammer at a Home Depot.
SATAN: Was Shiva correct in assuming that human cops are capable of ensuring social safety?
GOD: I think TrumpUSA has all the potential to coordinate capitalism with peace!
SATAN: Trump did a fine job negotiating with North Korea during the PyeongChang Olympics.
GOD: Was Shiva correct in asserting that Starbucks offers consumers a 'dose' of energy?
SATAN: Caffeine is not a narcotic, and it's liberally ingested by stockbrokers and businessmen!
GOD: True. I prefer TCBY frozen-yogurt.
SATAN: Hey you don't have to be a coffee-freak to appreciate capitalism (hehe).
GOD: Shiva was right to suggest the Red Xenos were wielding 'metaphysical sledgehammers.'
SATAN: Shiva is a shrewd debater; the Red Xenos were persuaded that capitalism bears fruit.
GOD: Earth is safe once again...for now!
SATAN: Americans can enjoy their love of horror-films again without too much 'doubt.'
GOD: Yes, horror-films and comic-books; Shiva's restored optimism about 'psychosis.'
SATAN: Maybe one day, humans will become hippies...again!
GOD: "...I get by with a little help from my friends!"
SATAN: Does Trump like the Beatles?
====
