Relationships fail because you weren't ready to begin with - Here's why

[Judicial review]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

 

[Judicial review]

Bonzi Toro AyeCantSeeYou flacaltenn Coyote Martin Eden Mercury westwall Sarah G pillars Sonny Clark ChrisL Gracie G.T. Paulie Tilly

 

[Harry Dresden]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

is that what your therapist told you?....

 

[Judicial review]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

is that what your therapist told you?....

Are you saying this is basic proven psychology? True. However, many different resources prove this such as biblical teachings, personal experience, and a hell of a lot of common sense.

 

[Bonzi]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

Well, I have been married for over 12 years (together for almost 20). That being said regarding each point:

1. I'm very happy with myself. Spouse is not (so I have made adjustments for him)
2. I'm totally content with our finances. Spouse is the one that is never happy about it and worries too much.
3. I put him first TOO much. I don't want him to put me first. Lose/lose.

 

[Bonzi]

 

[Harry Dresden]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

is that what your therapist told you?....

Are you saying this is basic proven psychology? True. However, many different resources prove this such as biblical teachings, personal experience, and a hell of a lot of common sense.

so i was right?... your therapist did tell you this?...

 

[Judicial review]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

Well, I have been married for over 12 years (together for almost 20). That being said regarding each point:

1. I'm very happy with myself. Spouse is not (so I have made adjustments for him)
2. I'm totally content with our finances. Spouse is the one that is never happy about it and worries too much.
3. I put him first TOO much. I don't want him to put me first. Lose/lose.

I did the same thing Bonzi in my last relationship. I tried to make my GF happy by taking everything that was hurting her on my back. The truth is she was feeling worthless and dependent. Her mood was all up and down because at one point she loved the shopping sprees and open wallet of mine but the next day wished she had her own money that she was making herself, so in the end she was unhappy because she was not a dependent. I told her that we need to separate and she needs to clear her debts, get her own place, and start going to school and that after all of that I'd be willing to start again.

Though, I'm looking elsewhere right now.

The second one is explanatory.

The third one - If you feel you are putting him first too much that means you aren't putting yourself first enough. Don't be afraid you'll be happier when you do, but you'll change and realize that you might want things in a man that he can't give you because youve changed that much. That's not bad that's good, because you deserve to be happy as does him and everybody else.

 

[Bonzi]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

Well, I have been married for over 12 years (together for almost 20). That being said regarding each point:

1. I'm very happy with myself. Spouse is not (so I have made adjustments for him)
2. I'm totally content with our finances. Spouse is the one that is never happy about it and worries too much.
3. I put him first TOO much. I don't want him to put me first. Lose/lose.

I did the same thing Bonzi in my last relationship. I tried to make my GF happy by taking everything that was hurting her on my back. The truth is she was feeling worthless and dependent. Her mood was all up and down because at one point she loved the shopping sprees and open wallet of mine but the next day wished she had her own money that she was making herself, so in the end she was unhappy because she was not a dependent. I told her that we need to separate and she needs to clear her debts, get her own place, and start going to school and that after all of that I'd be willing to start again.

Though, I'm looking elsewhere right now.

The second one is explanatory.

The third one - If you feel you are putting him first too much that means you aren't putting yourself first enough. Don't be afraid you'll be happier when you do, but you'll change and realize that you might want things in a man that he can't give you because youve changed that much. That's not bad that's good, because you deserve to be happy as does him and everybody else.

There is nothing I can do about any of it. Will leave it there.

 

[Judicial review]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

is that what your therapist told you?....

Are you saying this is basic proven psychology? True. However, many different resources prove this such as biblical teachings, personal experience, and a hell of a lot of common sense.

so i was right?... your therapist did tell you this?...

No. Never talked relationships with him. However, 19 years of therapy with one of the best psychologists in the nation will give you the ability to think and solve your own issues not matter what it is. It's called being cured.

 

[Judicial review]

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

Well, I have been married for over 12 years (together for almost 20). That being said regarding each point:

1. I'm very happy with myself. Spouse is not (so I have made adjustments for him)
2. I'm totally content with our finances. Spouse is the one that is never happy about it and worries too much.
3. I put him first TOO much. I don't want him to put me first. Lose/lose.

I did the same thing Bonzi in my last relationship. I tried to make my GF happy by taking everything that was hurting her on my back. The truth is she was feeling worthless and dependent. Her mood was all up and down because at one point she loved the shopping sprees and open wallet of mine but the next day wished she had her own money that she was making herself, so in the end she was unhappy because she was not a dependent. I told her that we need to separate and she needs to clear her debts, get her own place, and start going to school and that after all of that I'd be willing to start again.

Though, I'm looking elsewhere right now.

The second one is explanatory.

The third one - If you feel you are putting him first too much that means you aren't putting yourself first enough. Don't be afraid you'll be happier when you do, but you'll change and realize that you might want things in a man that he can't give you because youve changed that much. That's not bad that's good, because you deserve to be happy as does him and everybody else.

There is nothing I can do about any of it. Will leave it there.

There are always options. Sometimes options have consequences that you think are too hard to bare, but in reality with help you'll suffer but get through them a much better individual. Sometimes people think there are aren't options but if they seek help they will find them and will get through them.

To say you can't do anything about it shows a lack of doing whatever it takes to make you truly happy, and those are the situations that create more pain and suffering that you deserve and should have, but most importantly the worst part of it is afterwords, REGRET.

 

[Bonzi]

oh well I guess it's just not that bad.. yet...

 

[Judicial review]

oh well I guess it's just not that bad.. yet...

If you can't be proactive in making you happy by helping yourself without relying on you significant other it will end. Period.

 

[Bonzi]

oh well I guess it's just not that bad.. yet...

If you can't be proactive in making you happy by helping yourself without relying on you significant other it will end. Period.

i dont think u get it but thats ok

 

[Judicial review]

oh well I guess it's just not that bad.. yet...

If you can't be proactive in making you happy by helping yourself without relying on you significant other it will end. Period.

i dont think u get it but thats ok

Oh yes I do. Nice try

 

[Coyote]

JR....this is a really nice post...really thoughtful....

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

There is a lot of truth there. I know I've struggled with this exact thing. It's kind of like thermal regulation - if you depend on external factors for happiness, you are going to be on an emotional roller coaster. If you can make your own happiness - then you can work through even a bad relationship because you aren't dependent on it for your own feelings.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

Yes, finances are the leading cause for separation and divorce, but not in how you think (in my opinion). One partner entering it with debt is not a matter of independence - two can work together to overcome debt if they share goals for the future. However...it can also be a warning of future difficulties. You talk about dependent and independent. A couple should be neither - they should be interdependent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Lot of truth there. It can be a major stressor (I know!).

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

There is another aspect to this...each needs to be independent and respected for that. A person can't be always a couple. You also need recognition, friendships and time alone as an individual.

 

[Judicial review]

JR....this is a really nice post...really thoughtful....

You know there are 3 major factors why a relationship will not last and fail according to the statistics and the stats are so high it's practically guaranteed.

1 - if you can't love yourself and respect yourself and make yourself happy in life without someone else you can't focus on your future partner because you'll have something in your life pop up that become your focus instead of your significant other.

You also can't possibly know the type of person you are looking for. When you fix yourself and become happy by yourself and independent you start to realize that even though love is a necessity in a relationship that you need other things such as intelligence, an equally independent person, a person who putting himself or herself in a position to future their life with school or anything.

A dependent person and a independent person for happiness will never work out. Because a person no matter how much they love you can't always be there for you and they can't make you happy all the time.

There is a lot of truth there. I know I've struggled with this exact thing. It's kind of like thermal regulation - if you depend on external factors for happiness, you are going to be on an emotional roller coaster. If you can make your own happiness - then you can work through even a bad relationship because you aren't dependent on it for your own feelings.

2- finances is the leading cause of separation and divorce. If you go into a relationship with so much debt that you can't be independent enough to have your own home, food, gas and basic necessities then you are being selfish thinking you are ready for a relationship. Everybody deserves happiness . Everybody, but knowing the stress and anxiety that puts on the other person at what point does their happiness matter?

Sometimes a very big hearted man will support you I'm this area and others but if you take advantage and forget or not feel the need to use those resources to become a financially independent person that person will see you as a dependent and nobody who's independent wants the burden of a dependent that isn't proactive in wanting to be independent.

Yes, finances are the leading cause for separation and divorce, but not in how you think (in my opinion). One partner entering it with debt is not a matter of independence - two can work together to overcome debt if they share goals for the future. However...it can also be a warning of future difficulties. You talk about dependent and independent. A couple should be neither - they should be interdependent.

3 - if you can't put your significant other first and the only way you can is if you are happy alone as a independent where you feel you always have to be there for family, friends and or all you talk about is your family and it's to the point where you are depressed, anxious, and moody then you aren't putting your relationship first and to be honest it's guaranteed you are taking it out on you significant other and that is putting him or her last. That's not fair and one example of why you have to be independently happy before you should be in any relationship and why if your not you are putting your happiness over theirs whether they know it and want to be with you or not.

Lot of truth there. It can be a major stressor (I know!).

Being a dependent isn't just welfare financially it's welfare for relationships also. Both prevent independence but most importantly both prevent true happiness that lasts. The moment you experience it is the moment you'll never go back or even think it.

There is another aspect to this...each needs to be independent and respected for that. A person can't be always a couple. You also need recognition, friendships and time alone as an individual.

I tagged you knowing you'd be a necessary contributor.

My post wasn't the whole thing of what makes a healthy relationship. My post or focus was on what happens when you seek and commit to a relationship before you are ready.

I posted this for so many reasons but one is that has a strong foundation that foundation is you. If you aren't independent and able to make your significant other top priority while dating you'll never do it while married.

You are one part of it. So if you realize this and are able to make yourself happy through full independence then you'll naturally expect that from the person you seek.

Agree about finances but there's a huge difference in having tons of debt but having enough income to pay monthly and survive while furthering your career by being proactive compared to having massive debt not enough income and getting money from your significant other but instead of paying your debt so you can further yourself take it for granted thinking it will make you happy and relying on him or her. Being stationary.

 

[Bonzi]

oh well I guess it's just not that bad.. yet...

If you can't be proactive in making you happy by helping yourself without relying on you significant other it will end. Period.

i dont think u get it but thats ok

Oh yes I do. Nice try

Nope, I don't rely on my significant other to make me happy.
I think it's the other way around.....

 

[Moonglow]

Gawd what a jerk off fest!!!

 

[Bonzi]

Gawd what a jerk off fest!!!

Must be why you are here - to watch.....