Hallucination
Ever saw a lion in a parking lot?
Or heard a rooster clear his throat?
Ever tasted a peachy keen solution?
Or smelled the mustiness in "Olde"?
Ever rode to hell on wheels?
Or viewed a pastor clean his soul?
Ever ate a fulfilling consultation?
Or dug yourself out of a hole?
Ever found the end of rainbows?
Or unearthed a cache or Irish gold?
Ever clawed your way to sunshine?
Or put your memories on hold?
If you ask yourself these questions
Or query the Grand Lama in Tibet
You will find the answer simple
You are sleeping in your bed!
Day of Deniers: A Story of Angst in a Troubled World. by Lucky One
Monday morning I was posting on USMB, earning my nickels. The phone rings and I answer it. It's the pay tv guy trying to sell me a subscription.
"You mean it's not free?!," I asked astounded. "The government doesn't pay for this?!"
"Well, uh, no sir," he says.
"Then you're denying me! You're a denier!" I shouted, slamming down the phone.
I had already gone through all my sock accounts, so I decided to go out and get some ice cream. I get on my moped and hit the grocery for some Sven and Harry's. I ask the frozen food guy where I can find Green New Deal Lime Sherbet.
"Well, I--uh--well, we don't carry that one." I tell him how dare he deny me the flavor I want.
"You're another denier!"
I hastily exit the grocery and go to another store. From the 3rd row, I see a parking spot in the front row. No sooner do I see it than a little old lady pulls in. I couldn't believe it. It was another denier, this time denying me my parking space.
I go inside the store and guess what? No ice cream! I couldn't believe it. Denialism in the grocery industry.
I decide to cut my losses, so I pick up a 96 ounce bag of pork rinds and 2 cases of grape soda. They ring me and put my pork rinds in a white plastic bag. I see there are brown paper bags on the counter demand to know why they didn't use the brown bag instead of the white bag. I scream for all to hear, "That's racist!!"
I then stop at the library to check out some recreational books. I ask the librarian where the conspiracy textbooks are. For some reason, she looks surprised and tells me they don't have conspiracy texts.
"We're a small branch library," she says, "but can I interest you in the latest Kardashian bio?"
By now, I am livid. The government is denying me my fundamental human right to read!
Outside the library, there's a homeless guy asking for change. I'm not prosperous at all, so I give him a nickel. It really made me mad how that homeless guy took the last of my change. He was denying my right to keep my income. "Denier," I mutter under my breath.
I leave the library, wondering how many more deniers I will encounter.
The light at intersection turns red before I could go through. It denies me getting through the intersection. This time, I yell extra loud at the traffic light to outdo the whirr-whirr of my moped. "DENIER!!!!," I roar at the traffic light, as it sways in the breeze.
When I get home, they are repaving the main lot of my apartment building. The construction guy tells me I have to park in the auxiliary lot.
"But that's across the street!" I try to reason. But he doesn't care. He's just another denier.
I go into my apartment, taking solace in the pork rinds and drinks that I bought. I reach the bottom of the pork bag, only to find out there is no prize. I am so furious that I call the pork rind company. The guy on the other end must practice denialism because he tells me that he's only heard of prizes in Cracker Jack.
"You're another denier!" I slam down the phone for the 2nd time in one day.
I sit back down on my couch and sigh. I reflect on a world full of deniers as I wash down the last pork rind with grape soda.
