My fellow Cubans,
I have waited over five decades for this historic opportunity to address you. Few, beyond my adoptive brothers, Fidel and Raul, knew that shortly before my birth, my mother flew from Kenya to Havana so that I could be born here, on this glorious workers’ paradise island in the sun, so that I could be one with you in socialist solidarity. My Hawaiian birth certificate was prepared by expert Soviet forgers, and shortly after my birth, my mother and I were landed off Oahu from a Russian nuclear submarine. (Chuckle) It was no small miracle we survived the voyage.
So now, with less than a year left in my presidency, I return to you my brothers and sisters. You might ask, why now? Well, the answer is simple. I am still President of the United States, and I am issuing an executive order transferring the 29 trillion dollars in United States debt owned by the Social Security Administration.
And I do so with every moral justification. For over fifty years the imperialists in the United States have economically ravaged this paradise of economic equality. This transfer of wealth is only partial reparation for the economic warfare waged upon us by the Zionist bankers of Wall Street. With these funds, we will not only have free healthcare and universal literacy, but also the roads, schools and infrastructure my adoptive brothers have striven my entire lifetime to give you!
You might ask, but what ramifications can we expect from Yankee Jew Imperialists. Well, I suppose they can impeach me. Let me speak directly. Mitch, too late. Kiss my black azz, you weak chin beotch. Military? You know those Ohio class ballistic missel submarines we mothballed? Well, Mitch, they ain’t mothballed. Why do you think I gave Iran the green light to go nuclear? (Laughing)
Tomorrow, Raul will be stepping down. And I will begin my term you’re President for Life.
I have waited over five decades for this historic opportunity to address you. Few, beyond my adoptive brothers, Fidel and Raul, knew that shortly before my birth, my mother flew from Kenya to Havana so that I could be born here, on this glorious workers’ paradise island in the sun, so that I could be one with you in socialist solidarity. My Hawaiian birth certificate was prepared by expert Soviet forgers, and shortly after my birth, my mother and I were landed off Oahu from a Russian nuclear submarine. (Chuckle) It was no small miracle we survived the voyage.
So now, with less than a year left in my presidency, I return to you my brothers and sisters. You might ask, why now? Well, the answer is simple. I am still President of the United States, and I am issuing an executive order transferring the 29 trillion dollars in United States debt owned by the Social Security Administration.
And I do so with every moral justification. For over fifty years the imperialists in the United States have economically ravaged this paradise of economic equality. This transfer of wealth is only partial reparation for the economic warfare waged upon us by the Zionist bankers of Wall Street. With these funds, we will not only have free healthcare and universal literacy, but also the roads, schools and infrastructure my adoptive brothers have striven my entire lifetime to give you!
You might ask, but what ramifications can we expect from Yankee Jew Imperialists. Well, I suppose they can impeach me. Let me speak directly. Mitch, too late. Kiss my black azz, you weak chin beotch. Military? You know those Ohio class ballistic missel submarines we mothballed? Well, Mitch, they ain’t mothballed. Why do you think I gave Iran the green light to go nuclear? (Laughing)
Tomorrow, Raul will be stepping down. And I will begin my term you’re President for Life.
