Good morning, drifter. Nice light breakfast.
Morning Sweet Darlins
Non Cliquity Clack Club
- Thread starter Gracie
- Start date
Michelle420
Diamond Member
I am working on a power point presentation (the dictator's one) for Tuesday.
What is everyone up to today>?
What is everyone up to today>?
Mertex
Cat Lady =^..^=
- Apr 27, 2013
- 26,532
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Good luck with it....I loved the many different things you could do with Power Point...hope it goes well for you....
- Thread starter
- #145
I am finally able to get outside and do some gardening. It is a BEAUTIFUL day today! I am also waiting for hubby to get back from yard sales. Town next to me is the annual City Wide Sales...so there are HUNDREDS of them. Tourists pack in to town to go to these, too. So....I hope he comes back with a truckload of stuff!
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- Thread starter
- #146
A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,
"What you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it."
His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.
She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand .
He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?"
His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?"
His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"
"What you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it."
His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.
She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.
The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand .
He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?"
His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?"
His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!"
- Thread starter
- #147
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo crap. It mean someone steal tent."
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look toward sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"
"You dumber than buffalo crap. It mean someone steal tent."
- Thread starter
- #148
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'
'Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well', said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'
'Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well', said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
Statistikhengst
Diamond Member
- Banned
- #149
Wake
Easygoing Conservative
- Jun 11, 2013
- 4,787
- 1,550
- 345
- Moderator
- #151
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!'
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.
He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'
'Am I to count you as a believer?'
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'
'Very well', said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
Okay, that was funny as hell.
- Thread starter
- #152
Well...hubby FINALLY got home after NINE hours of yard sales. Sheesh. He brought me a dresser to mess with..so tomorrow I plan to shabby chic it. The rest was just scrap metal he got. But that scrap metal will go towards almost paying off the vet bill so I ain't complaining.
Michelle420
Diamond Member
- Thread starter
- #154
The only thing I dread is the sanding. And they painted the damn thing with THICK black paint. Glossy. Like enamel. Worse, probably with a canned paint. Instead of getting that paint remover goop...I will sand it lightly and pile shitloads of white paint on it, then sand it so the black, then the wood underneath, shows here and there. Then I will paint bamboo on it in gold leaf. I think. I won't know until I get to that point. The dresser has to speak to me. All my furniture spoke to me on what it wanted on it. I know that sounds weird cuz I am weird, but it's the truth. I just stare at it and wait for the whispers. Then that's what I do.
Michelle420
Diamond Member
The only thing I dread is the sanding. And they painted the damn thing with THICK black paint. Glossy. Like enamel. Worse, probably with a canned paint. Instead of getting that paint remover goop...I will sand it lightly and pile shitloads of white paint on it, then sand it so the black, then the wood underneath, shows here and there. Then I will paint bamboo on it in gold leaf. I think. I won't know until I get to that point. The dresser has to speak to me. All my furniture spoke to me on what it wanted on it. I know that sounds weird cuz I am weird, but it's the truth. I just stare at it and wait for the whispers. Then that's what I do.
That's pretty neat, it's intuitive art work and craftsmanship.
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- Thread starter
- #156
Or insanity that furniture talks to me. 
But one talked to me so well, it wound up being sold for a goodly sum and winding up in Russia. Cost the woman more to have it shipped there than the piece itself cost.
Talking furniture=Moola
And..I can now claim I am an international artiste'. Cuz I am now.
But one talked to me so well, it wound up being sold for a goodly sum and winding up in Russia. Cost the woman more to have it shipped there than the piece itself cost.
Talking furniture=Moola
And..I can now claim I am an international artiste'. Cuz I am now.
Michelle420
Diamond Member
Or insanity that furniture talks to me.
But one talked to me so well, it wound up being sold for a goodly sum and winding up in Russia. Cost the woman more to have it shipped there than the piece itself cost.
Talking furniture=Moola
And..I can now claim I am an international artiste'. Cuz I am now.
You must be very good at it.
I am not so good at art work or craftmanship but I appreciate it.
cereal_killer
Platinum Member
I'm here! Finally!! 
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